Delivery room

hi friend! ur definitely valid in how u feel i just want to offer my experience. so my mom was in my delivery room completely on accident like she came to the hospital just to visit me before i had my baby and i started to dilate so quickly i ended up at 10cm while she was there when literally like an hour or 2 before that i was stuck at 3. i had NO intention of my mom being there at all and she did offer to leave but i let her stay and let me tell u i couldn’t have had my son without her there. and if u would’ve asked me before when i was pregnant i would’ve told u i would NEVER have my mom in the delivery room with me but it’s funny because now im having my second baby and i cant imagine not having my mom this time around. sometimes men just shut down or even make things worse on accident and it’s great that u have ur husband to support u but having another person (who’s a woman with children) present could be an amazing experience. if not for my mom i wouldn’t have any pictures of-

-me and my son after i gave birth because that’s just not something a man thinks abt for instance. i know u mentioned u and ur MIL have a good relationship and maybe she could be there if ur comfortable with that. all i can say from experience is never say never and something you think u may be making the right decision about may turn out in a good way. good luck with whatever u decide 🤍

@Annie see it would be a completely different situation if my mom was actually around for me and wasn’t trying to push a relationship and push boundaries the last time I saw my mom she called my baby her baby and touched my belly without consent and on that same day I yelled at her to ask before she touched me and she called me rude for telling her no so having her there would be not a good experience for me and would just stress me out more and before she was just going to show up and stay with out even saying anything to me I have talked to my therapist and she agrees that it’s in my best interest to not have her there and my sister pushes boundaries in other ways and mil is in Florida and is on standby to come out whenever I need her to and I know my partner is going to be all I need there he knows how I need to be taken care of and yeah he might need a breather or two

If you’ve changed your mind then you could just not tell your sister that you’re going into labour and tell her once baby is here and then if she says why didn’t you tell me you can just say it all happened quickly and I was in the zone, forgot. Etc.

@Abbyie ya i understand but like for me too my mom was telling me originally to get an abortion but then ended up being my saving grace in the delivery room 😆 like i said ur totally valid in how u feel i just wanted to offer my experience with having family in the delivery room unexpectedly. i’m sure u will make the right choice for yourself though!

hi! your feelings are completely valid, but coming from someone who’s had just their partner in the delivery room for the past 2 pregnancies, it was the best decision we ever made. first baby was during covid & i couldn’t have anyone in there with me except my husband. second baby was April 2023 & we decided for it to be us again & we bonded like never before every time. it was great for us. my sister also wants to be in the delivery room this time around & im iffy about it just because i know this is my last & i’ve also never had anyone in there with me other than my husband so i wouldn’t know how it would be. i don’t have a great relationship w my mom or MIL so i’ve never wanted them there for either delivery lol

@Ariane I was honestly starting to think I was wrong for just wanting my partner there especially because it’s such a intimate experience I don’t want to share with anyone other than him I would have my mil there but she’s in Florida and she knows that I’ll need time before I have visitors but is on standby to fly out as soon as I need her too (her oldest works for a airline so she just needs to know the day before) but like I feel like having my sister or mom there will completely ruin the experience for both me and him and it is both of our first kid I feel like my partner and the medical staff will be more than enough people especially because I have bad anxiety with being around a lot of people in a new environment I’m a bit autistic and I’ll only know my partner and my midwife and basically everyone else will be causing me anxiety and I don’t need my mom or sister causing any additional anxiety

@Abbyie go with your gut!! it’s an amazing experience & you get to see a whole different side of them. your mil is going to be there for both of you, but your partner is there to help you. i always tell my husband i couldn’t have done it without him bc it’s true. from holding my hand, to helping me use the restroom & just being there for me emotionally, physically & mentally 🩷

@Ariane I know it’s definitely something I need to talk about with my therapist but I had to cancel my appointment this week because of work but I’m adamant about only having him there my mom and sister have been through it enough times that they don’t need to be there for my birth and I was really only going to have my dad come to the hospital but not till a while after I have her and it’s mostly because I’m his only daughter and he’s in school so not sure when he’d be able to make it down to meet her

I feel you! Only allow people there who will add 100% positivity. Protect your peace! My sis is a nurse and she is appalled that I haven’t invited her to my home birth. I know for a fact that she doesn’t agree with my birthing choices. I am paying good money to have medical professionals at my birth so I don’t need her arguing with them over stuff she’s not specialized in. She is a know-it-all kinda gal, which is fine but I don’t want that in my birthing space. Soooo 🤷‍♀️ it’s a point of contention but I have to protect my mindset. I don’t need someone in my ear telling me negative things while I’m trying to push out a baby. If you need to say a lil white lie, and say “it’s only my husband allowed, it’s hospital policy” or something like that. I feel like that is ok if it helps keep the peace.

@Emily the good thing is the hospital I’m going to labor and deliver is a lock out unit so only the people I want there will be allowed in but it is all giving me anxiety

It’s honestly up to you! Your feelings are more than valid! With my first, I had my mom in there with my husband and I. It was so nice having that added support with it being our first and not really knowing what to expect. Now that we’re having our second and last kiddo, it’s strictly going to just be my husband and I. We want it to be a moment for just the two of us.

@Chey my mom doesn’t like my partner so there’s already going to be contention there if I did have her in and I’m not in a place where I even want a relationship with her right now