Wits end

My son has been referred to a pediatrician for developmental delay and the symptoms of autism he is showing. Health visitor has asked me to keep a diary of what day to day is like as his obsessions and stimming has really changed how we do things. Today I’m at wits end with how he acts whenever I eat. I will serve him his food and then get my plate and he will just moan and whinge the whole time I eat. When I finish eating he stops. If I offer some to him, he stops but if I take a bite again he moans. And it’s high pitched, grating on a chalkboard type of moaning. We’ve come a long way though as before he did this he would just cry and melt down every time I ate. I’ve always shown him, given him a plate, shared from mine. So I don’t ever eat without giving him any. I now eat in the back of the kitchen standing up and as quickly as I can. But this isn’t how I want it to be. I want to be able to eat WITH my toddler at the table. When I talk to other people, I get told it’s normal and most parents eat like this but why is it when I visit peoples houses.. this isn’t the case? They eat together. Another thing he does is, when I talk to anyone else he does the same high pitched screechy moan. If I send voicenotes on WhatsApp to my friends, call anyone.. same annoying whining. Even if I leave the room and go to the kitchen, he will moan whine whinge and he just does it louder and louder. I spend a lot of time playing with him and reading to him as he loves books. I’ve been told by speech and language to also allow him to play as at the moment he makes me do it all. He needs to learn more play skills so I need to let him do it rather than me playing. I just feel like I’m controlled by my 2 year old, as if motherhood isn’t being controlled as it is. I now can’t eat or talk.