What are your coping mechanisms?

Hey there, I felt exactly the same following the birth. Completely disillusioned, not knowing what I was doing or what had actually happened for that matter. Before becoming a mother I also spent a lot of time walking and reading - I found both very therapeutic and yes the time for those is now very much limited. It’s so hard when our usual coping mechanisms are taken away - I found the best way to make some room mentally, was to give myself 20 mins alone time outside and I would increase it slowly - depending on baby and my partner. Having a bath, doing face massages (at home) I have a great one that I love - can share if interested and ten mins of gentle breathing and stretches - timing it does help, so you know you have given yourself that time - and there is something empowering about that. I hope this helps and it does get better ❤️

Can you tap out with a partner or friend so you can be not responsible for an hour? I like a dance class and will get back to it when baby is old enough to leave for longer. Audiobooks might help? Netflix /tv during contact naps? Going for a coffee with friends, with baby asleep in the buggy.

@Jessica thank you. We’re trying to arrange more time for me to get away- my mother in law has been in hospital so husbands time has been taken up with that. My mum has been a great help but have had to use her baby sitting skills for rubbish important things that we can’t get out of but the presence of a baby is not ideal (rescuing husband when his work van broke down, mother in laws fall, to visit mother in law, my own drs appointments 😂). Hoping our luck changes a bit to try and be able to ask for her help and take a break.

@Samira I will try the timing it thing. Stepping away and making it feel deliberate like you say, might make a difference.

Meditation , yoga ,reading and going for walks help. My partner watches her 40mins uninterrupted each evening so I can have some downtime and me time. This has helped greatly.

Yoga and meditation if I have time, you could listen to audiobooks while you walk? Then even if you have baby you could focus on something else for a while. I also have books on my phone so if my LO plays independently for 2 mins I could read a bit rather than mindlessly scrolling Facebook.

I get my husband to have him for an hour and go upstairs to read/shower/watch an episode of something on telly/do pilates etc at least once a week if I can. Currently if my baby sees me he's constantly going mamamama and whining so for dad to have quality time with him I have to hide. I feel bad but otherwise he's with me 24/7 and wanting to be picked up or played with etc. That time to just gather your thoughts and try and relax a bit is so important.

For reading, get the kindle app on your phone (I think there's a similar one through local libraries that's free if you'd rather that). It means if you're nap trapped you can escape into a book and get some headspace... Of sorts :) It has really helped me, alongside embracing light easy to read books that are totally escapist - I'm talking magic, like rivers of London, not anything serious. I hope that helps a bit, and the doctor is kind and helpful too

I'm almost never alone. Walks are my favourite method. Baby is safe, so get a coffee or whatever your favourite drink is, go to a store you enjoy, gossip with your baby about whatever, or listen to something. I havent been able to get into a book since having my first baby but I do crochet small projects, puzzles, sudoku, and redectorating my house. Basically the goal is to do something that takes enough focus that my mind doesn't wander but not so engaging that it feels overwhelming to start. Even a warm drink on the porch to actually be alone is a huge help as well. A great thing about babies is they love to hear us talk and they don't judge, so might as well say what you are thinking.

Thanks all for your help and kind words