Fear for future pregnancies - previous birth story

Hi, Im a FTM to a beautiful 8 month old baby boy. At my booking appointment for the pregnancy I was classified as high risk due to family history of Pre-eclampsia/HELLP aswell as being a FTM. Everything in my pregnancy was normal and dare I say "easy", until around 35/36 weeks when I suddenly had a high level of protein in my urine sample, and that's when the monitoring began and I had to go to triage every 2 days for BP checks. I was originally planning a home birth and had my heart set on it. My "plan B" was to birth in the Midwifery Led Unit (no intervening by doctors/consultants) I just wanted the birth to be as hands-off and relaxing as it could. But unfortunately I was diagnosed with Pre-eclampsia at 37 weeks, scheduled for induction at 38 weeks. The birth was very fast but very touch-and-go, it took me a while to mentally wrap my head around it. I was having strong contractions for around 8 hours but hadn't progressed at all from 3cm (which is where the Pessary got me to) so they weren't classing as "active labour". I'd been given high doses of Labetalol due to very high blood pressure and they were closely monitoring both myself and the baby the whole time. Unfortunately it got to the stage where my baby's heart rate was dropping significantly. I was still contracting and I was in a daze, almost felt like I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I didn't really understand what was happening I could just hear voices all around me. I closed my eyes for what felt like seconds, and suddenly there were 6 midwives and 2 doctors in the room, all talking amongst themselves with concern. I just remember hearing "heart rates dropping" "meconium" "we have to get baby out now" "no time to get to theatre" I went into an internal panic. I didn't understand what was happening. I feared for my baby's life, I just wanted him out and safe. I genuinely thought they were going to cut me open there and then, like something medieval. The doctor checked me again, I was 7cm at this point. She turned to talk with the other doctor and I could hear them mumbling trying to decide what their next steps would be. Within literally minutes of them talking, she turns back to me to check again, 10cm. "Get this baby out NOW!" episiotomy, forceps, 2 pushes and he's out. Active labour from 3cm to birth was only 2 hours 20 minutes. I had absolutely no emotion when they placed him on my chest. I went into a full state of shock. My body felt like it had shut down, my BP plummeted, they put me on 2 drips of fluid. I didn't feel right until hours later and I didn't have a clue what had actually happened until my partner explained everything. He told me it wasn't just my baby's heart rate that dropped dangerously low it was also mine. He was stood there in the corner of the room genuinely thinking he was going to lose us both💔. I suffered with PPD for the longest time after the birth. I know there are so many women who suffer much worse than I did💔 but for my first, I found it to be such a traumatising experience and the complete opposite to the birth I'd hoped and planned for. I so desperately want another baby some time in the near future, but I also can't get past the fear of suffering this awful complication again, and potentially putting mine/my future baby's life at risk. I'm only 25 so the thought of being 1 and done when I always wanted a couple of kids feels heartbreaking. But I keep asking myself if I'm just being selfish by wanting another, because I have my son to think about now. I'm scared that I won't be so lucky next time around. Idk what I want from this post but I needed to get it off my chest I suppose? And I didn't really know where else to share my worries than with people who are more likely to understand?