Feel so hurt

I’m 31 my brother is 37. A bit of background. I went to university and works part time for 7 days while training to be a nurse no help from my parents and did it all on my own. For 3 years I never had a break and worked weekends to save for a deposit for a house as did my now husband so when we were 22 we could buy our own property. We have 2 children and have a third on the way. We live every single month to month. The last week of the month we could be so skint because of childcare too but we just struggle and manage. We NEVER ask for financial help. My brother is a cocaine addict has been for years. Been two prisons almost twice but my parents paid for expensive solicitors to get him off which he never repaid. His partner is an addict as well never worked in her life. They constantly scrounge off my parents. Every car they have my parents of bought. They owe thousands to my mum which is keep a secret from my dad. But they are the best thing since sliced bread and we should all pitty and feel sorry for them. They haven’t had a great life! My parents have tried to offer him rehab he never accepts and tells them he doesn’t do it anymore he clearly does and my parent are too naive to accept it. I got sat down last night by my parents. They’ve wrote a will stating we will get half of the house each however my brother can live there for the rest of his life. He has to make payments to me every month until my half is paid off (which will take years). My dad says I have a house and I’m sorted in life. He will never get on the property ladder and what about if he can’t work when her older. Even when I had skin cancer and was off work for 5 months we asked for no help!!! Wasn’t offered it either. I’m absolutely fuming, sick to my stomach, upset, hurt. It’s not even about the money. It’s the principle. Being a parent how could you treat your children unequally?! How could you make one child be in a lifetime contract with a drug addict. How could you make say because one child has worked harder in life they deserve less. I know for a fact it will end up in a huge argument because of the fact he won’t continue with the payments. What if he lost his job? Then I would have to proceed with a legal case that would cost me thousands and so much stress. I feel disgusted to say the least. How I’m feeling today i could really cut them off for good! How do you maintain a relationship with people who could do that to you?

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Sorry to hear this. In a very similar situation to you but due to mental health reasons so I guess that's a little different perspective. Sending you love and hugs 🫂

We had similar that my sil was allowed to continue living in the house when my mil passed rent free. Although she did have agoraphobia and health problems she also had her own flat in a very expensive part of London which she rented out. My oh also has the same condition as her. The house was also bad for her health anyway due to hoarding, no heating and general upkeep. It didn’t help their relationship long term. Surely his half can go towards a decent deposit? Long term they arnt helping him gain independence.

@Karen you would think over £100,000 would be plenty. It not even about the money it’s just a slap in the face and makes me see how differently my parents treat me and it makes me so disappointed.

I would force them to add into the will if he doesn’t make payments then you are able to sell the house. I’d also make sure they have you as the executor of it so when they die you have full control, ownership and say of what happens. So when your brother stops paying because we all know he will( I have a brother who exactly the same as yours) you can sell the house and he’d be out of a home.

I hear you and it really sucks. But, it's your parents money and not yours. They can do whatever they like with it whether it's seen as fair or not. If this were my situation I'd flag all the stuff you've said about what happens if he doesn't make payments. Perhaps there's a way that some clauses could be put into the will to protect you in that case and allow for a sale. I'd also bear in mind that their house may need to be sold to pay for care for one or both of them anyway so you may not end up with anything anyway. People often forget this is a possibility and quite likely to happen if a care home is involved.

@Caroline to be honest I don’t even care about the money. It’s how they’ve treated me so unfairly. The misery my brothers addiction has caused over the years and the feeling of continuing to be attached to him long after they pass away. The stress of tying me into a contract like that with no thoughts of how upsetting and stressful it would be. Meaning I’d have to maintain some level of contact with him when really I would prefer not to. Feeling like I’m being punished because I’ve worked my arse off every day. So I do get it’s their choice I suppose it’s just the lack of respect for me that hurts 🙁

@Caroline the worse thing is like you say as well I already know when they get older I’ll be the main carer and once organising everything and my brother will do absolutely nothing. It’s like being repaid with a kick in the teeth

Tell them how you’re feeling, I would be fuming too cause that’s not fair at all. Tbh I’d tell them if that’s your plan then I don’t want any of it. Save your self the stress it’s not worth it

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