Nursery worries

My LO has been at nursery about 3 weeks now and I'm feeling a bit upset about some things. She has understandably found being handed over in the morning difficult and has been crying. This morning I stayed outside to listen to how quickly she calmed down for my own peace of mind. I then heard the lady who took her in say "here look at the phone" and then a video clearly start playing. She said no other words to her, no attempt to soothe her or say things like oh don't worry we'll have so much fun today! She immediately took out a device. Now, my girl did immediately calm down but my concern is...shouldn't professionals have other methods to soothe children other than using devices??? We ourselves only use screen time as a distraction when we physically can't do anything else, like when we're in the car. I feel sad that she made no attempt whatsoever to calm her down by any other means. Is this what they are doing all day long?? The same nursery worker told me that she was "crying a lot less now" and when I said I wasn't aware she was crying a lot (after the morning handover), she said well she's just very loud. Additionally on a different morning my daughter arrived at the same time as another little girl. Her key worker came out, said to the other child "good morning my princess!" And then looked at my daughter and said "and you..." The tone was so odd, I laughed it off as a joke but afterwards in my car I just felt so upset by it. They said they would upload photos and videos so I could see how she was getting along but so far I've seen one video. I just get a really horrible feeling that they don't like my child because she's "loud" and maybe a bit difficult. And it's making me feel so sad that I have to leave her there because I have to work.

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I've worked in nursery settings for years and now a parent myself. I'm so sorry you're going through this 😓 none of these situations made me feel comfortable and I can see why you're upset. I would 100% take it to management and see if this sorts anything out xx

I read all of what you wrote, but I would have pulled my child out and complained at the point I heard she was handed a device to make her quiet. Giving a child a screen to shut them up is not what I expect from a child care setting and I would not be confident she is receiving the care she needs on that basis. It's dismissive, and if they can do this for when she's crying because mummy has left, how will they handle bigger problems? Do you have other nursery options? What is their OFSTED rating?

So sorry you’re going through this! It’s hard enough giving our child to minders/nursery anyway let alone them being like this. I’d check to see whether any other nurseries in your area have spaces and always check there offered! Mine actually gave me a copy of there report on my initial visit, that shows me they have nothing to hide etc x

I really feel sick about it because I have no other childcare option, waiting lists are huge and I don't know what other options I have. When I picked her up today she was sat in the office with one other child watching an iPad, the rest of the playrooms were in darkness. She's the first child there and one of the last to leave, there never seems to be a manager there when I am. I wish I could pull her out but I can't until I find an alternative. All I can think about is I have no idea what's happening all day long and what I have seen I really don't like 😩

I can only imagine how you feel😓. Can you ring or email the manager to call you? Also what about childminders? It may be worth looking into them. Childcare.co.uk is worth signing up to , to look for childminders or Facebook groups sometimes have childminder groups which you can join to look for one xx

I’ve worked in a nursery for years, and as management that is absolutely not ok. Write a formal email. Tell them you feel like your child is being neglected which is Definitely a safeguarding issue. To go into nursery, be handed over to a practitioner and then to hand the child a device?? No comfort cuddles nothing? Absolutely not I’d be fuming as a mother now myself. Tell them exactly how you feel, because that is not okay. Please don’t stay quiet. Also, since when were nurseries even aloud devices?? Handing over a device to keep a child quiet and not even trying to distract them with activities and physical comfort? Disgusting. Just proves that they do not try at all. They are at nursery to be away from the devices, and is that the best they can do for your child? No sorry put in a complaint. Don’t ever sugarcoat or feel like you can’t speak your mind. These are people you leave your child with and they should care for your child the same you do if not better.

@B.A the more I've sat and stewed on it the angrier I've become. I think the reason I didn't say anything in the moment was because I didn't want it to seem like I'd been lurking outside to spy on the staff, I genuinely just wanted to see if my baby calmed down quickly once I'd gone and I wasn't expecting that she would pull a device out. I'm also shocked that nurseries are allowed to have or use devices with such young children but I wasn't sure if it was normal. I try so hard at home to minimise her interaction with phones which makes it all the morning infuriating that I'm paying for someone to put one in her hand. I'm just so glad that I've caught it now when she's only been there a short time so that I can address it and/or move her settings as soon as possible.

@Rebecca thank you! I've already been on there furiously messaging as many childminders as possible!

Oh wow, I would be fuming and making a fuss the moment they use a device to look after my child. I’m so sorry this is happening to you! Definitely find an alternative to child care. I’ve had friends who have used child minders and they are SO wonderful! Look into it and hopefully your LO will be better cared for and you’d have peace of mind when you’re at work. Sending you so much love xx

When you get your little girl out of there be sure to write public reviews to prevent other little ones having the same treatment and hopefully management will make some changes 😔 hope you find somewhere else very soon. We've gone down the childminder route and im very happy with our decision x

I’m fuming for you, nurseries aren’t allowed devices, thought that was a big no! The only device in the rooms that are allowed is for the staff to publish things for the parents now if they’re using that to shut the children up that is disgusting! And this is exactly why I won’t be taking my child to nursery, some of these workers just don’t deserve to work with children. Nowadays they’re hiring anyone and everyone. However, there are some good nurseries out there if you don’t feel comfortable pull her out asap, that’s just a second of what you’ve seen God knows what’s happening for the rest of the day when you’re actually not there

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