where to live with baby and father?

first baby is due next month and the father and I have have a rocky relationship. We aren’t currently together romantically but he’s 100% committed to being present as a father regardless of our romantic relationship. He’s not abusive or an addict or anything I just feel he has to get his life together before I can consider being in a relationship with him again. He wants us to live together for at least the first year and wake up with his baby every day. To be honest this sounds fine to me too because I want them to bond and help with childcare etc. The problem is I live with my parents at the moment and can’t stay here for too long especially if he wants to move in. I have a stable well paid job (going on mat leave for 6 months) and enough savings for a house deposit. He doesn’t have a job but has been looking for one for 9 months. I want to buy a house which he would be welcome to stay in. It makes sense to me if I have the means to do so for me and baby. The problem is he won’t let me because it leaves him powerless if we have another bad fight (like we have been throughout my pregnancy hence the breakup) I can technically kick him out anytime. And when he does find a job / if we get back together he’d have to pay me rent which he thinks is unfair. I feel like it’s not a good idea to buy a house with him though ( joint ownership) when he can’t commit to paying the mortgage and also doesn’t have much at all to contribute to the deposit. What should I do?

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You should do what’s best for you and baby and buy the house. Living with the father of the child is not a need for the child AT ALL, im sorry. He needs to get his own place.

I agree with you. Focus on you and the baby. He can get his own place

he can’t get his own place though as he doesn’t have a job :’( he’s a good guy just doesn’t have his life together at the moment. Keeping him away from his baby is only going to make things harder (he’s currently 2h away with his mum and can’t drive)

@elia just messaged X

It’s hard and I’m sorry but that is not a you problem.

I agree xx

At this point if you have the means to buy a home and he can’t contribute that’s kind of his own problem. I wouldn’t sign anything jointly unless he’s going to be paying and if he doesn’t have a job doesn’t look like that’s going to happen. If you never get back together would you really own a home with your roommate? Pretty sure there are ways his name can be added later should he get his life on track but until that happens it doesn’t really make sense to have him with any ownership claim if he’s not going to be contributing.

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