This is so tough, feel for you and how amazing you’re wanting to change it. Therapy. It would challenge some of the thoughts and processes you engage in.
Agree with above backpack harness!! My little boy loves walking everywhere and will always hold my hand, he will literally have a tantrum if you don’t hold it😂😂
I got therapy for my anxiety over my little boy. It helped a lot. I still have some anxiety but it doesn’t impact him. If you’re working, your job can direct you to occupational health and you can get private therapy through them rather than wait on nhs.
Backpack harnesses are a godsend, your little one is able to walk and you still have ahold of them to keep them close