Toddler and newborn

It’s the hardest transition. They go from having their parents all to themselves to suddenly having to share and the newborn being held all the time. It’s not even jealousy so much, it’s more like grief. They’ve lost their life as they knew it, everything is different. Mum guilt is unreal for me as well, I never feel I’m doing enough for either of them, toddler for the above reasons and baby because he’s never getting the one on one time his sister got or a calm environment. I feel like my life is pure chaos now. I think all we can do is show the toddler as much love and patience as we can, sympathise that it’s hard for them, give them as much attention as we can. This is a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

I don’t have many tips and tricks, only that when baby is napping I try to give toddler my undivided attention (housework can wait) but that requires a supportive partner who will help with everything when they get home, and not everyone has that. Acknowledge and praise when she’s playing with her brother nicely, encourage her to help me with bringing nappies or toys for baby as she loves being the important big sister.

Im pregnant, so not there yet. But someone gave me the advice that you should be vocal to the baby so toddler thinks there priority some times. Saying things like; ‘Stay there baby, I’m playing with toddler now’ and ‘not your turn yet baby, me and toddler are doing this right now’ Obviously baby is oblivious and prob just sleeping - but gives the right message to toddler. Might not work, but thought I would share as I’ll be trying this with my little one as she is a very clingy toddler 😬

A toddler and a newborn is extremely difficult! The battle you face as a mum to try to be there for both, we can't split ourselves in two 😔 my little boy favoured his dad because I couldn't give him what he needed every time. It's heartbreaking. We are 10 months in and although there are hard times, there are much more positive moments. I choose to spend individual time with my little boy, he loves his little sister and says we are a "happy family" when we are all together 🥹

I would say it got a lot better by 3 months. There can still be some hard moments when they both need me but it’s definitely a lot better now. My toddler says she loves her sister. And will play with her now. I didn’t think that would happen after the way she was the first month especially. I would say biggest thing for us was to make a big thing about telling the baby you will be one minute while you help the toddler with something because the toddler can get upset with feeling like they have to wait all the time, say if you are feeding etc. Especially if they are used to your constant attention. This definitely helped and my toddler will now say “Sophia we’ll be straight back we are getting my dinner” for example xx