Visceral reactions and not respecting boundaries

The inlaws have once again invited themselves to stay with us. No matter how much I try to get myself to relax, I can't until they leave. They comment on every aspect of my parenting, are cold to me, too full on with our daughter and I have to repeat myself with boundaries. How do you guys cope? We used to see them every few months before we had our daughter but they keep at my husband to come visit almost weekly now. I can't stand them and they have done a lot over the years to exclude me. Please be kind...but how do you cope with someone constantly touching your toddlers face, tickling her, having their hands on her inner thighs, constantly touching her feet, kissing her despite being told not to....and they keep bringing our daughter hand me downs their daughter had which was initially fine but after our entire top floor became full of them and they are often stained as well as having mold spots... I said nicely 6 months ago that we didn't want anymore thankyou and the mil said too bad you're taking them....and again today said to you sorry but we brought them anyway....also they've invited themselves to stay with us knowing id stayed 20 mins away so we could have our own space (4 months ago) and mil said i know you wanted our space and we have crashed your holiday but that's the kind of family we are.... husband enables their behaviour. And I don't trust them alone with our daughter without me there because of not respecting boundaries. Help! I don't know if i can endure this forever. I keep thinking of divorce too

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I am sorry your going through this. I dislike that children are really the most clear eye glass we get into the true colors of a lot of people and it tests a marriage. It's supposed to be a happy time. I was in this spot before, if you would try it I'd suggest couples counseling as it is hard as a spouse to bring practically anything up without the other feeling betrayed/picked on/ or a bias. I hope it helps. You hav every right and deserve people who can work with you to accomplish goals not knock you down to get theirs. I can't imagine my husband feeling obliged to "do things the way my family does" it's his choice, he is there for me not them... and I same to him.

They are out of line but your husband should be doing something about it! What has he said about it all?

She can’t force you to take anything. If she goes to put items in your hands, drop them and walk away. You don’t have to say anything to her at that point. Actions speak louder than words, separate yourself and your child from them. No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to. Lock your doors and do not let them in when if they turn up. It’s your home too and you should feel comfortable and happy in it. The fact they crashed your holiday as well, all they want is control. Write down every single thing they’ve done, it may come in handy for future if you divorce. Your husband should be putting you and your child first

This is hard and i am sorry you are going threw this. I would also suggest couples counceling/therapy. If you are thinking divorce then its time for some intervention and do some couples counceling. It may also help your husband to see how his parents are treating you is not right and help with a healthy compromise on how visits will look in the future and help him inforce boundaries with his parents. MIL blatantly being disrespectful and not listening is NOT okay. And he needs to back you up and call his mom out.

Yowza. I’m sorry. You and your husband NEED to be on the same page. Without that, the odds of your MIL and FIL accepting your boundaries aren’t high.

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