Any opinions welcome

I'm a new mom to a beautiful 4 month old baby girl. Her sperm doner and I are no longer together due to his behavior issues. We were together for 2 years and I had moved in with him. He has some cognitive issues which I was aware of from his mom telling me however I feel she hid the extent of his issues. He has severe cognitive issues due to being born and not having oxygen, will always be dependent on his parent, prone to emotional outburst, will never be able of holding long term relationships ect (basically like a severe TBI) I left him when I was 5 months pregnant as it was not a good situation(I locked myself in the bathroom on multiple occasions cause he was having an angry outburst and breaking stuff) He acts like he wants to be a part of my babies life and wants to see her more but only asks to visit once every week or 2 usually a few hours after his mom has messaged me. I feel like she is trying to make him have a relationship with her but other times I feel like he's trying to be a good father and just struggling due to his disabilities. I'm not sure what to do I feel very conflicted. He only visits once every week or two and only ever last an hour tops. He wants to be a part of decisions but he's not here to help with her teething and refuses to change a diaper. Idk if it's all his disability or if he's also a narcissist.

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Is his name Tom ? 😂

No but seriously , yes you should have known after two years . I’m surprised it wasn’t apparent. Secondly you need to collect all proof of his behaviour and get your ducks in a row because you can bet your bottom dollar his behaviour will get worse and you’ll eventually wise up to it .

@E.P nope Cole...always the guys with the short names tho haha

@E.P i was aware of some stuff like the frustration and adhd behavior but I wasn't aware of the extent till I was living with him and it was almost like a complete 180 from mild cognitive delays to controlling abusive behavior and having tantrums over nothing. His mom told me he had ADHD and once I was living with him told me he was depraved of oxygen when he was born and the part of his brain with impulse control and emotional regulation never developed and never will

Is he on the birth certificate? Does he help at all financially? If he’s no help, id leave him alone. If he’s already on the birth certificate, file child support if you want. He will be in and out of her life. Sounds like a slight narcissist but I also think he just doesn’t care enough.

@Chinyere he is not. He couldn't be bothered to be here when I filled it out plus legally his mom has to sign shit giving him permission to sign it and i don't need her a part of that

If it’s truly more than ADHD why wouldn’t he be seeing a neurologist and on mood stabilizer medication? ADHD medication? Therapy to learn ways to cope instead of having outbursts? I would not trust him alone with your child if he’s not trying to actively manage these things. It seems to me it’s more like an “oh this is what happened and it is what it is type of thing.” Instead of it being an, “I have a child now and it’s my duty to make sure I’m the best version of myself and I’ll do whatever that takes.” Hard boundaries would be in place imo

I agree with Alyson. He shouldn’t see the baby unless he is on medication or has been a doctor for long term therapy/management. More than just an emotional reaction as unfortunately he is a threat to your baby, especially since it requires a lot of patience to take care of a new born. And supervised visits only, preferably in public vs private space.

@Sarah when he visits his mom has to be here in case he has a behavior and i also make sure someone else is home with me when he comes by and he has to give me 2 days heads up before he comes. All boundaries I have set cause he can be very sneaky

Great you have boundaries. You’re doing a great job and should be proud of yourself. Baby is going to be so grateful for you

@Sarah thanks and i mean he's on meds now but didn't start taking them proper till last month and will always be unpredictable

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