Does it feel worth it?

hey girl, message me and i promise i'll get back to you asap. i've going through the same thing you are and it's really really hard. you are not alone 🤍

Oh mama, I know exactly how you feel. I have no friends who are moms and am atrocious at making friends so that's been going poorly. The only people I have to talk to really are my Mom, my best friend (who is a man, no kids) and my husband. The two men are either dismissive or just don't seem to *get it*. My husband in particular rarely looks up from his phone to listen to me and, I get it, he doesn't know what it feels like and is probably sick of me complaining. I guess I also have a therapist but I am supposed to be seeing her to address childhood trauma so it doesn't feel like a good use of the hour to say the same thing over and over... *hugs* I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. It is so difficult to keep going every day and can be so isolating too. I probably live nowhere near you but if you want to shoot me a message, we can chat! One other thing...maybe try keeping a diary? My therapist suggested that for me. I'd love to but it just feels like either I have no time for it or I'm exhausted...

We started a group chat to vent/ chat on WhatsApp if you'd like to be added. We all met thru PSI it's an online support group platform.

@Esperanza Rios Can I be added? I definitely need some fellow moms to vent and chat with.

You’re absolutely not alone in how you feel, it’s so hard. But it’s honestly worth talking about your feelings with ppl you can trust and who respect you right back. It takes time to build these networks, which is something that surprises a lot of ppl I think. I’m happy to chat if you ever need a non judgmental ear. I don’t know how to use the app much but feel free to dm!

@Amanda Ive been socially awkward since middle school haven’t really had luck making and keeping friends. I try talking to my boyfriend but that’s not fair to him he works all day and doesn’t deserve to come him to be b**ching about how I’m lonely cause I know he struggles in the friend department too. I’ve been in therapy my whole life almost for 15 years straight. My childhood wasn’t very great either I grew up in a toxic household. The thing is I can’t journal or else I end up spiraling for days. I’m literally wide awake because I’m so depressed right now and nothing is helping me get some sleep before baby girl screams in the next hour….. There’s not much coping skills that work for me. My therapist and I have given up on that after I have been seeing her since the 20 week mark of pregnancy.

@Cece it’s not super shocking for me because I’m already socially awkward and making friends is not easy at all for me. It hasn’t been easy for me since I was 12 years old. But I never thought I’d be so judged by my family especially by my mom and sister about postpartum…. I already knew postpartum was gonna be hard because I already had a depression, anxiety, and Asperger‘s diagnosis before pregnancy. During pregnancy I was severely depressed the whole time too I wasn’t able to cope and I hardly talked about my pregnancy with anyone… Kinda just kept myself about it. I stopped trying medications when I turned 24 it felt like a waste of money and time to find the right meds when it only just made me more sick and unable to physically care for myself. And that wouldn’t be fair to my daughter who really needs me right now. I guess I just feel numb…? And as I’m pressing send I feel completely guilty for saying this, but I don’t have anyone to talk to.

Or is real, it's exhausting. Understanding the facts and taking the pressure off yourself helps a lot. It's hard to get use to baby cry and baby signals and it's easy for mom to get neglected by others too. It's okay to take the easy road.. if that means you leave the tv on at bedtime as a distraction, then you do it. If it helps to drive to soothe baby to sleep and you can pick the music, do it. I really struggled hearing babies cries and finding what it means, and I feel that a lot of that was because I poorly set things up for myself.. the lighting for our bedroom was not existent for night feeds and changes.. etc I was unprepared. I didn't have any decent bassinets in our house and I failed myself with that. The worst I ever did was yell "go to sleep" at my 4 mo and I will never forget it, I didn't expect it and when I did it I told hubby he had to take over. Our daughter had late night poops and she haunted me with it. Having a pediatrician who is there with you step by step helps

I like encouraging my friends to nest and that's helped my ppr.. accepting where you are... meeting goals, and cherishing what you have is what is important. It will all pass and it is okay if you are not catching on to one part of motherhood or another because there is time or it will move on and it will be okay. You and little one will struggle and that's okay, you AND little one will overcome together! They are there for you no matter what (even if they scream at you) and also I did over hold my daughter but it's okay to notice when it's creating touch out. Baby is probably getting overstimulated too and they are part of this big world as well, they can rock in a swing for a bit and a new day is always a new start. Sooner or later they are going to be able to smile for all the trouble they cause you and you can share the fun in that

@Freckles usually I’m able to drown out her cries. It’s mainly just the loneliness I’m feeling and or the lack of support I feel in town that is causing my depression. Leaving the house causes my anxiety to sky rocket because she does not like getting ready and or when she’s getting loaded into her car seat. Doesn’t matter if I’m calm during the process of that transition or if I sing/hum a song trying to get her calm or talk to her about what’s happening, she screams the entire time and it makes it hard to leave the house. I’ve had my moments though where I couldn’t drown at her cries and I’ve had to have my boyfriend tap in. I don’t really have help nearby or they say they’re here to help but when I ask for help and tell them what happened I get severely judged and get called abusive then I end up depressed in my bed, wishing I had never asked for help in the first place.

If it helps, everyone probably feels (and can be!) socially awkward at times. It’s easy to fall into the trap of being hard on ourselves :( I’m sorry that you’re feeling so invalidated by your family. It really is disheartening when those closest to us seem to just not get what we’re going through. If it helps, it’s something I struggled with and have finally come to terms with. As for the meds, I can’t really comment as I’m not you or your Dr. All I can suggest is reaching out to a health professional and a therapist. It’s too easy to find health professionals who gaslight us, but once you find the right one it makes a WORLD of difference. You’re having a hard time with pre existing health stuff, feeling unheard/minimised and you’ve got a baby to support. It’s a lot!! Just know your baby has unconditional love for you. You’re trying your best. There’s support for you here in this chat, too. I didn’t think I was going to pull through but I did. You can do it, you’re not alone.

Oh the car seat troubles.. that is so valid! I'd recommend getting a car camera and some sort of soother toy, but if that doesn't work don't feel shut down.. lots of moms struggle with the car seat and driving. It's okay to make a daily drive considered as your outing.. it took a good 20 minutes of a drive for our baby to settle for a while. Lots of moms and the dads drive together with baby able to see mom but that isn't always possible. Car seats are finicky things too it might be worth while to see if baby simply prefers a different car seat! I saw a tt of a baby that really hated his original seat and was happy after they switched it out. Baby may be motion sick and that might be difficult too, or sun getting in their eyes takes a bit of an adjustment.. none of the shades ever stay on or stay put

It is a very difficult ordeal to figure out the car seat/driving situation as a mom, please don't feel shut down by that, lots of moms have experience this and it will take time. Our lo did get motion sick and puked in car rides, it is very difficult