Okay, please be honest with me… am I the problem?

Sorry, I couldn’t keep it short

I'd stop giving him head until he returns the favor

sounds like a communication issue. the good thing is it sounds repairable. have hope & stay positive about the future of your sex life. i think at this point although its important to acknowledge your past and how that has set the tone before...its important to begin viewing ur sex life through a new lens. men are fucking weird, first and foremost, and a lil dumb not gonna lie. they dont read minds. i dont think your the problem but i do think you need to build up your confidence in the bedroom. if you want something although it sucks to ask, you should ask or tell/demand "i want you to suck my pussy" lol or whatever you feel comfortable saying. i totally get the shy part but step outside the box and get out ur comfort zone. i hope you guys find some middle ground💕 if hes not voluntarily giving oral find out what will make him start. I'm on a journey here too. ☺️

I can only be real with you Y'all aren't sexually compatible but that CAN be fixed. but both have to cant to fix it, and then figure out how to fix it, then act on it. I believe most men have an ideal when they pick someone inexperienced as you are. They know they dont have to try hard, have control, and typically have the better experience overall in the relationship. He knows what to do, and if not he should desire to learn. To please his wife. You have to learn to speak up and be more assertive. He knows keeping you like this benefits him because youll only question yourself, which will keep you making effort, and fuel his ego. I think you need to match his energy and effort. Dont suck a mf THING unless he goes down first. Assert yourself. You deserve to be happy, satisfied, and fulfilled in ALL areas of your marriage.

it is totally not a punishment & your good dont stress

Seeing as you’re comfortable with telling him outside the bedroom what you’d like in the bedroom, maybe as you’re starting the whole act, (if you’re confident to) maybe suggest a recall of the conversation you had with him either before or the other day & it may remind him and get excited (I do it with my partner, works 8/10 times depending on how excited he is😅😂) and may voluntarily go down on you. Maybe suggest 69 position in the conversation so gives him options to get aroused about too but also make sure it does slightly benefit him as well so he’s gonna choose the 69 as he’s still getting his usual dosage of a BJ. However, for some of the male breed, sex is all about them & their end result is to ejaculate themselves and leave us to finish ourselves off 😂🥴 They do need direction, in everyday life and in the bedroom too. My partner always tells me he couldn’t live without me cause I know where everything is 😂😂 his eyeballs work just fine, he’s just lazy 😂

Maybe try a relationship therapist as a couple. If he’s not willing then just go by yourself. It will help you build confidence.

Do you masterbate? If you do lean into that and see what you like. It's easier if you know your body first. I've done it in front of my husband so he could learn me more. It's vulnerable but it's worth it.

You both sound like you’re thinking way too much into it and that you’re both insecure (him about pleasing you, and you about getting pleased). Talk about the things you like when you’re not having sex and if need be, correct them during sex. Turn off the lights if that makes it easier for you to speak up. Eventually you should get more confidence but sometimes people just aren’t sexually compatible… I just feel like you haven’t given it a fair chance to know that because you’ve been faking it for years (i.e. lying about enjoying it) so give him time. He has to unlearn what he’s been doing and relearn what to actually do to please you.

I think sometimes if men feel insecure about how to make us come they just don’t even bother. They are also useless once they’ve come so you need to get him into the habit of making you come first. This is easier if he goes down on you but could also use fingers, before or during penetrative sex. If you don’t already I’d recommend getting to know yourself and what you like so you can better steer him in the right direction. Try and get his attention when you’ve come out the shower, just in case his issues with going down are about cleanliness. What do you think about toys? That can also be a fun way to make sure you come! Also you’re not being punished at all! These things do need to be learned and it takes time to learn what each other enjoys and to get comfortable!

Are you a Christian? I am as well and you are not being punished for not waiting…one thing about sex is that it is a spiritual union, 2 becomes 1 flesh…so it matters who you join yourself with because this has implications in the spiritual realm…now as your husband his body belongs to you and your body belongs to him….meaning you are not to deprive each other of sexual pleasure…as your husband he is to sacrifice for you…if that means oral sex is not his favorite thing as he said then he needs to compromise…but then you can meet him halfway and see what he wants also and how you can make oral sex more pleasurable for him…is he also a believer as well? And is he willing to make the sex better for the both of you…you did the right thing, don’t feel like you need to be sexually experienced because that also has its consequences…you can try Christian marriage counseling, try to spice things up lingerie etc…maybe lighten the mood a bit play some sex games

@Mar yea I think I will.

@Yasmina Yes, we are Christians! Not sure he’d be willing to try counseling but I’ll ask. Yea, I wear lingerie all the time. I’ve tried some question and answer games to help us open up more but at the end I always feel like I’m the only one being vulnerable and sharing. Thank you for your words and tips ❤️

@Faith I do, and I’ve actually asked him to do this and he said “no” 🙄 But I asked for us both to do it, maybe if I pitch it as just me first he’ll be more willing

@Lauren the last few sentences made me laugh! Lol okay, you’ve convinced me. I’ll keep my mouth empty until something changes Thank you!

accidently voted wrong. that would frustrate me tho cuz i have sexual trauma. maybe buy a vibrator to use during sex i do that cuz i also felt that way before

i think frustrate is the wrong word - it triggers me though and makes me feel rejected which naturally makes me have an attitude as an act of self defense

Have a look at some adult toys, you can usually buy a beginners pack for couples. Ask him to look with you and make it a discussion of things things that interest you both

Mine used to be like this in the past until I bought a vibrator that I gave to him to use on me during sex and he got a little “jealous “ of that and noticed that the toy also does a suction. Since then he started initiating more oral sex and also enjoying a lot more and now he does it every single time. I have to add that we also have had a conversation about that between that. So don't give up and it is not your fault. You both just need more communication and you have to be really honest and open so he will understand because men are just too simple mind. If he loves you and care about you he will change something to make you feel better and happy.

Never go down first. 1st rule 🤣🤣

@Lav Rookie mistake, I guess 😂

Thanks everyone! I appreciate all your advice ❤️