Do you believe kids benefit with both parents in the house hold even if they’re miserable with one another or happier apart and co-parenting

Thinking about ending it, this is our second go around. We spent a year apart and I felt my kids ages 7 and 2 suffered for the first 6months (behavioral problems ect) then they adjusted. We decided after a year to let go of hurt and anger and try to get back together. I really worked on myself, found myself and did really well on my own. He said he did the same and I seen that in the beginning but now that he is comfortable again, I feel he’s still battling with the same things, stuck in the past. Has very red pill views about women.l ect. I’m just not happy and recognized this immediately, I don’t settle for the same stuff I use to and he just thinks I want to leave cuz I have “options” not the case at all just want to be on the same level, feel like I want to fight for the good and bad days and I feel he’s dragging me down… makes me sad because my kids are so happy and hate to drag them through it stuck on just dealing with it for the benefits of the kids being happy and settled. I wouldn’t just have him abruptly move out I would want this be a slow adjustment for the kids sake. . Idk what to do.

Show your support

Children know when the parents aren’t happy. Do not stay together for the sake of the kids. It’s not healthier for you or your children.

Kids deserve happy parents. Not together parents.

I always noticed it gave me anxiety as a kid hearing them argue. I can feel when my mom is unhappy as well. Please do what’s best for you.

Have you worked on your unhappiness to get to the root of it without blame shame or guilt?

Think if my child was going through this what would I tell/want for them

My parents divorced when I was younger and although it wasn’t great, home life was soooo much better after not listening to arguing and fighting etc.

I don’t want to interrupt your poll. What do the results say?

My parents divorced when I was very little, so I have no memory of them together. But, they never remarried. I would spend weekends at my dad's and week days at my mums and it worked very well for us. I saw the best of my mum, and the best of my dad, and they never spoke ill of each other so we were able to formulate our own opinions and relationship with each of them. If they were together, they would had clashed a lot. I realised that when I'm older as I can see how contrasting their values, opinion, hobbies, and lifestyle are. They were very young when they married, 18, and it just wouldn't had worked. They were both happy in their own space. They are friends, and they come together for big events for us. When I went to uni a lot of friends parents divorced and this was hard on them, but at the same time they wished their parents did it earlier as they just lived stepping in egg shells and their parents were constantly arguing and they say didn't witness romance or love.

My parents were together for years and years before my mom decided to move away. Arguments and just an unhappy environment to live in. A child will know when parents are unhappy and miserable. Once my mom and I moved they “co-parented” and we were just so much happier. And now about 25 years later they are getting married. Sometimes it best to be separated then force happiness when it’s just not there.

As someone whose parents stayed together because they thought I’d be better off in that situation please don’t do it. My parents are both incredible people on their own and could’ve been amazing parents but together, they caused me so much trauma. They were so preoccupied with their own horrible relationship that they neglected my needs all throughout high school and I ended up in the hospital due to depression from all the feelings of isolation they caused. I knew from such a young age that they had problems even though they tried to hide it and as a result I never had healthy communication modeled to me. I would avoid any conflict or serious conversation in my relationships because of them. I was in therapy for years. Seriously don’t do it. I feel like I could’ve been so happy just going back and forth between them when they could each give me their full attention and be present with me.

you can coparent. It does more damage to stay together and fake it just for the kids than to living separately and be apart. Just cuz u breakup and live separately doesn't mean to no go to each other places sometimes. Show the kids you guys can coparent anywhere. So say for example they are with you but they want their dad, he can come over and hangout if they want that you know. They don't have to always leave the house or wait their day to see the other parent. BUT make sure you guys BOTH set boundaries and understand yes you may be at my place with us but that does not mean we are going to more the a friendship/coparent.

to think that seeing unhappy unloving parents would create any kind of idea of a healthy relationship for the mild is crazy. I HATE when people use that as an excuse. It’s not for the kids . It’s selfish.

Honestly the parents is what makes the kids. Together or not. I had a two parent house hold and it’s not all cranked up people make it seem. Is it nice, yes, but not everyone life work that way and ITS OKAY. Society judges us mother to hard when it comes to be separated, but if you’re not happy…got to do what’s best for you. Your kids would rather see your happiness rather than staying and being miserable.

Me and my partner ended things two years ago and we still live together, we have our own bedrooms and we co parent and split everything 5050, we're like best friends now

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