Is it in my head or is something deeper happening?
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This is so weird. Does he always go to a different room out of your sight? My husband works A LOT & some days our daughter doesn't see him because she's sleep..But when she does, she's always happy and excited. Even in a different room from me.
I’m not sure but where are you “going in” to? My house is open plan. I can see the whole lounge dining area and can see them talking and playing etc he doesn’t take the baby into “another room” here it’s just one bug massive open plan space. Anyways, you can sneak a lil camera in there and watch and later to watch back on and ease your worries I mean if I had a INKLING that hubby was hurting the baby in any way ima try to catch that on camera coz you’ll never know when that’ll come in handy 💁🏻♀️ (if he is). That way you’ll know for sure. I’d be googling to buy an inconspicuous cameras 👀
@Indi typically I go to a different room because I have to cook. She’s always so happy to see him it’s just some point during their time she randomly starts crying. She loves people even strangers she gets excited to see.
Set up a camera!!
@Kellie we have a very large home and it’s not an open floor plan. The kitchen is four rooms away from the living room where her playpen is and three rooms away from our bedroom
Caméras on. Hide it somewhere and RECORD it. If you think something is going on that can be your gut talking. Trust it
That’s fine. I’d get a camera asap though Xx or set up the baby monitor in there before he gets home but I’m not sure how clear that’ll be to see his movements correctly those are usually not that clear as a camera
Yeah I hate to say it but I think you should find a way to record them. If you're wrong then that's fine. But if not, you need to know for her sake. She cannot defend herself. What happens when you hand her to other people? Does she just cry cause she misses you?
I sit my baby in her high chair or sit up chair when I cook. Just tell him you'll keep her.
@Annie she’s never cried when being with other people. We go out shopping and people come up to us to say hello she smiles and laughs. Since a newborn she’s been comfortable and interactive with everyone
Can you set up a hidden camera? Or use your phone? Leave it to record somewhere obscured
How old? Could be separation anxiety. My son went through phases just like this 🤷🏼♀️
Okay just trying to make sure you've eliminated all possibilities. I think you need to know what's going on here. You have to film it, I don't think you have a choice
How old is she? When my husband takes our daughter so I can get things done or just to get a break, she’ll ultimately end up crying even if she isn’t hurt. Her crying doesn’t bother him as much as it does me (it’s a biological thing that moms react more to their children crying). He isn’t hurting her or doing anything wrong, he just isn’t me. She’s so happy to see him when he gets home and loves playing with him when we’re in the room together, but she’s still in the stage where she has to see me otherwise she loses her mind. I can’t even get up to go pee without her crying like she’s in pain. I’m not saying he *isn’t* hurting her, but I’m just saying her crying doesn’t mean he is. Depending on how old she is/how big your kitchen is, maybe he could keep her entertained in the kitchen while you chat about your day?
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Do you think your husband is hurting her? Is it just possible she’s not as comfortable with him because she spends all day with you/her age?
@Christina🤱🏼🍂☕️♈️ @Kaylah she’s 8 months old today and she’s teething and sick so Ik she’s been extra clingy and moody and mainly wanting me over him but still she hasn’t cried. And it’s not just this instance
Honestly she could be just screaming from separation anxiety, like she only wants YOU. “Like WHERES MUMMMM GET ME MOM NOWWWWW. I don’t want youuuuuu” But you never know. I’m not trying to defend him but I tend to give people benefit of the doubt I don’t believe that every father out there can be an asshole to their kids like that. For your sake I really hope that’s not it. Xx
@Monét I don’t know if he’s hurting her per say or if she’s simply getting hurt because he’s not paying attention(she does play rough) and she’s mobile (standing, walking along furniture, crawling, and climbing.
When my husband is alone with our 14 month old and i am busy and she is crying and i ask what is wrong he always tells me exactly what she is crying about, she either hurt her self, wants something or is hungry but he always has a answer. I recommend you put a camera to see what is going on. I have a baby monitor in my room that most of the time is just showing her crib but in some occasions i put it to show our whole room. I also have a baby monitor in the living room for her play pen but if i wanted to i can see the kitchen and living room. If you want send me a private message, i can send the links to our camera that we have in our play pen is very inexpensive.
@yess when it’s just me and her during the day I FaceTime another device if I need to step away to use the bathroom so I can keep and eye on her. That part worries me the most when I ask he gets irritated and or blames it on hunger which I know is not the case.
@Kellie this is a good point
Just sounds like a baby that wants Momma to me 🤷🏼♀️ My son is 2 and still goes through the “I want mommy instead of daddy” phases Just for example tonight, my husband put him to bed and he woke up an hour ago, and he went to settle him, I came into bed shortly after and he rolled off of my husband and came right to me. Mine is teething and going through growth spurts and prefers me over my husband. I’m home 24/7 with my child so I expect it. Im the one that gets snacks and refills and meals together even if my husband is home.
I think for your own peace of mind, getting cameras would be helpful. Although, I’m not a fan of hiding them from him. That seems like an argument waiting to happen. If you don’t already have cameras, maybe suggest them as ways to prepare for independent play? My 10M old plays 10-15 minutes by herself in her room; my 13M nephew plays about 20 minutes alone at a time in his room. This can only happen because of the cameras. I also like our baby cameras because we have a two-way speaker. I can have a conversation with my husband while he’s in the nursery without having to yell across the house.
Please just set a camera up for your peace of mind! Because my head wouldn’t cope with that!! Could just be the fact she’s with you all day and it gets that time off day when he’s home and she just fed up and tried and cba maybe? But please trust your gut and don’t let it go on any longer just record for a day and if your wrong your wrong you only know that then xx
My ex is currently in jail for what his baby’s mother saw on camera. His own 4m old baby. Protect your baby at all costs. Put up a camera
I think the baby is just wanting to be around you, you are probably the main attachment figure in her life. It’s different if she is with strangers WITHOUT YOU, cuz she feels safe with you. Even being with dad might not feel as safe to the babe. They can’t verbalize their anxieties or discomforts obviously, but there is usually a preference to be around the main attachment figure. Nothing wrong about that, it’s actually super healthy. But I’m sure it’s hard on you and the dad. But it is completely natural!
The way he responds is weird. I wouldn’t trust him based on the fact that he’s irritated. It is fairly normal for babies of SAHM’s to cry hard when with dad, mostly if there is a small bump/dfall or just general frustration. I’d tell him that it is normal for a mother to worry about their baby especially when the baby cries, and you are being a good, responsive mother by checking in. You are being a GOOD mom. You can’t help it actually, it’s how nature made us mothers. He needs to prioritize the baby which means to accept you checking in if baby cries, and he needs to have an explanation for why baby is crying.
@Alicia thank you. I initially try to give him the time to soothe her because it’s something he requested early on however once his attempts weren’t working I went ln to check and his response baffled me.
Children act differently with different people. When she’s with you she only cries when she’s hurt. When she’s with dad, maybe she cries for other things. If the crying is literally the only issue, and every time you check on them they’re fine, it sounds like it’s ok. But it sounds like she’s bored with dad and he needs to learn how to play with her
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Maybe he is annoyed that you come to check on them and he feels you don't trust his dad skills. I think you should set up a camera to get peace of mind.
Thats great that you do that. if you don’t feel comfortable telling him you want to put a camera, you can model to him what you have to do when he isn’t around, you would FaceTime your other device in front of him and say that you are going to get baby monitors that way is easier for you to keep a eye on her while you use the bathroom. He shouldn’t have a problem with that and if he does,do it anyway because that would be weird. Him getting angry when you ask is very weird to me. If my baby is crying and she is with me and my husband happens to ask what is wrong, i would never get mad I wouldn’t shut up explaining what she is crying about because most of the time is something so random. If there is nothing there, maybe you can explain to him that the reason why you’re asking is because you want to know why she is crying so you can help in some way or because is your instinct that always have to react when she cries because that usually how it is when he isn’t around. Nothing personal
I think it's awful that your first thought is that he's hurting her because she cries, that's terrible tbh. Babies cry for loads of reasons! My baby is fine one minute, then when I walk out the room and she's with her dad she cries, but I know he's not hurting her!
@yess I give him updates on the well being of our child constantly even when he’s not home so I find it sooo strange that when I’m there asking he always says, he doesn’t remember, he doesn’t know, or nothing happened all while being upset and she’s in tears. It seems really suspicious
I was going to say she probably just wants you. But with your responses seems like your insinuating that he’s hurting her or something? What do you think is happening? Do you think he’s capable of that?
I trust that you wouldn't have married your husband if you thought he was capable of hurting any baby, never mind his own. I think postpartum anxiety may be clouding your judgement. I find teatime is my baby's grumpiest time - this is normal - so it is quite common for them to cry when passed over to Dads after work.
@Kelly it’s not that I think he is hurting her, but I don’t put anything past anyone it could simply be she just fell but I think the urgency to deny, be oblivious, or cover it up along with his attitude when I check on her is weird.
@Suzie no I wouldn’t have, but he has changed significantly since she was born
what do you mean when she was a newborn he was “constantly banging her into things”
@Mia while he was holding her and walking her would accidentally bang her into furniture and walls
that sounds concerning so i understand your worry with the crying. like others said it sounds like its probably a separation anxiety thing but get a camera if you’re gut is telling you something is wrong
I did consider all points of view and while it is probably nothing I would rather be wrong and have peace of mind. So I did order a small camera ultimately letting him know it’s there will defeat the purpose so I won’t be telling him.
It might be separation anxiety and he might be feeling frustrated that she won't settle with him hence why he's snapping when you're asking if everything is ok That been said I'm a big believer in trusting your gut and nothings worth risking your child's safety if you have any doubts but it's a sensitive subject because if he's a good dad and he finds out you don't trust him or have been spying it could be end of relationship but you need peace of mind
@Elaine she’s not spying- most mums already have a camera in their house already. In her case the kitchen is not in the view of this playroom and if the baby spends a lot of time in there, and mum needs to run to kitchen 20* a day, then she can say she set it up to see the baby.
Assuming there is nothing strange going on here (which Im not convinced of and glad you ordered that camera) I will make the observation that sometimes men will say a baby is hungry as a way to avoid actually trying or to shift blame. The number of times I was told my boyfriend tried 'everything' but when asked specifically if he had done a bunch of things he would say no. Your partner may be embarrassed to say he has no clue what he is doing, or may not even know he's missing the mark.
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My husband didn't want to spend real time with our baby for a while when she was 3 months. Eventually she got the message and started crying every time he held her. I told him this and he finally started holding her and playing with her and showing her love and she started to want him quickly. I don't know if it's the same thing.
Sounds like your baby is attached to you. My son is now 2 but has been doing this (and still does) since he was born. When I leave him with anyone, Dad included, he acts like he's being tortured.
He was constantly banging her into things??? Whaaa?
Babies absolutely have different cries based on their needs, and mothers are attuned to it. Go with your gut.
Thinking that your husband is hurting her is likely PPA, but if there are serious signs (e.g. any type of mark on your baby, husband is getting angry with baby), trust your gut. Sometimes my mind goes to dark places too as a result of PPA and post partum hormones, but I try to reason with myself. My baby also frequently cries when I pass her off to her dad and I know he’s not hurting her and actually tries many things to comfort her. She’s just a mama’s girl and she’s used to spending all day with me. The transition can be tough and she can really let out some good wails for him.
Keep an eye on her at all times. For a while never let your eyes off of her and give a good excuse for it. Or just be straight up and say that’s how you want to parent now. No father should be upset with that. Protect her at all costs. Even if it ends up being nothing. You have to try. And let someone else you trust know.