Accidentally told my partner he wasn’t an active parent

I am a Sahm, I spend every minute of the day with my son. Over the past two weeks it has been harder than normal, he’s had bronchitis and a night in hospital, he’s teething and nothing seems to be helping his pain, and he’s been so upset at night by it that he will scream for hours every night. I am getting 2-3 hours of sleep every night and my partner doesn’t seem to understand that I need help. I know he works, but the only break I have got is when I showered yesterday for 10 minutes. All I ask him for is for an hour, half an hour even where I can have some quiet without having the baby clinging to me. I have to clean the entire house, deal with a clingy upset baby, look after our two cats, wash bottles dishes, change the litter tray, laundry it’s all my chores. He cooks every few days and takes the bins out on a Wednesday. He can’t get the baby to sleep and when our son is fussy he gets overwhelmed by 5 minutes of it. He calls watching his son “helping me out” but it’s not just helping me out it’s looking after his own child so his girlfriend can do whatever else needs to be done. I’m at my wits end, I’m close to taking our son to the drs to see if they can help out at all with his teething or see if anything else is going on, cuz nothing seems to be helping him. I’ve tried teething gel, teething powder, teething biscuits, calpol, nurofen and he’s still screaming half the night. Today he threw up like half his bottle and his dad said “maybe it’s just cuz he had cheese and egg yesterday” but he’s had cheese and egg before and he’s never reacted like that. I feel like a solo parent I’m even having to call friends to help out with the baby cuz I feel so alone with him at home

Show your support

I’ve said it on purpose, not accidentally.

Do you want to deal with that for the next 3/5/10 years of your life? Something needs to change, he needs to change or he’s not worth it.

Punkin Butt really works for my daughter when it’s comes to teething. Took me months for someone to recommend it. Had a natural calming effect and almost immediately helps the pain and swelling. I would ask around to friends and family that you trust and see if someone can watch him while you take a few hours to sleep. And yes, if your instincts say take him to his pediatrician then do it. Always trust your momma instincts.

He’s not an equal partner. He should be doing evenings and finding his own routines with his son. You have to help undo the patriarchy. Teach him after work is spilt. He can have a settling in period then he’s on job like you are. Sometimes you need the WHOLE evening off and he can do more in the house

@Demi it’s just the way he’s been crying; it’s like he’s screaming in pain, we’ve tried everything that’s been recommended to him

Why is it the more and more I read of these, the more I realise I’m not the only one in this position! My partner had the cheek to ask yesterday why he had no clean boxers left as I’m at home all the time, so why didn’t I do the washing. The only reason I didn’t do it was because I actually wanted to see if he’d lift his finger and help but low and behold nope because he works he thinks that’s his get of jail free card! I kept telling myself “he’ll change, he’ll do more, he’ll be more active ect” but do people ever actually change? Someone told me the other day ‘men will change for the right woman’ so am I just not the right woman?

How old is he (baby)?

@Lauren 6 months

I’ve said it on purpose. I’m a WFH & SAHM and my partner is working. That’s not an equal partner. You need to tell him how it is. My LO is 1 now and because I did All the solo parenting, she will not go to him, only me. Yes it’s exhausting but but very rewarding in the end. My partner and I got into it because I forced him to be a parent last night because our daughter thinks 10pm is a nap and not bedtime. If you’re anything like me you’re going to feel bad, but they need to be an equal parent. It’s not fair to you. You need to do what’s best for you too

I’m having the same problem, I do everything for my daughter, I ask my partner to help do nappies etc and he always says no which I mean kinda understandable because she’s a girl and might feel uncomfortable, some dads do but he used to do her nappies when she was newborn and now he won’t do it at all, he won’t bath her, feed her, absolutely nothing, I haven’t even seen him put her to bed, he’s too caught up on going out with his mates, talking to his mates and playing on his console. We’ve had many arguments over it and he still hasn’t changed, I’m so extremely tired. I feel you girl 🫶🏻

@Sophie are you telling him exactly what you need? I did the same thing, he wasn’t appreciative so I stopped all laundry. I told him he exactly why and I’ve told him what I need him to do. I live across 3 houses and find myself consistently cleaning so some aspects of his house are solely his responsibility and he needs to keep up with it. If we lived together - it would be the same. Xyz is on you and I’ll do xyz. I’m also not home all day. Baby needs to go out! So - he needs to figure it out. Do some laundry or put one on when you leave. Be a partner

@Sophie i felt this message!!!! Bc i say this everyday and sometimes i don’t think i am the right woman for this guy…

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌