Touched out and burnt out

Can someone please tell me I'm not a monster for being irritated when the kids get to bed late and being very eager to get them to bed each night? My husband seems to think poorly of me because "I should be happy my daughter wants me near her". I don't want to stay in bed and give her cuddles for an extra half hour like he sometimes does. I get it, they are adorable but I don't want to snuggle anyone. I've been giving them loves all day. I have a 5 year old, a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old. I've had a babysitter 5 times in the past 5 years and just long enough for a dinner out each time. I don't live near family, my husband doesn't usually watch the kids on his own and not at all when they are under a year old. So, I am pretty much ALWAYS with the kids. I have had exactly one night away and I demanded it before having my 3rd. It was my husband watching the two older kids for one night while I was pregnant with number 3. I think I passed out for 12 straight hours in that hotel room. I love my life, my kids and my husband but I'm sick of being made to feel guilty for wanting to get away from them for the hour or maybe 3 before my baby wakes up needing me again. The thing is he knows I'm burnt out, he knows how hard it is being continually isolated by moving every couple years and never being near family. He's acknowledged what a hard job it is that I do. But he doesn't REALLY get it and he understandably envies the way our kids love to snuggle with mommy and that I get to stay with them all day. But sometimes it seems like he really looks down on me for it, like he thinks I don't like them, like I'm a bad mom. And I really don't need that. I already have my own voice in the back of my head screaming at me half the time that I'm not good enough. 😥

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I don’t have much to say except this, It sound like you are a dedicated and loving mother. I’m sorry you are being made to feel guilty for wanting some peace and bodily autonomy during the evening when your babies are sleeping. That’s not a bad thing, and it is completely relatable. You are good enough, in fact, you sound like you are an amazing mother! 🫶

And an amazing person❤️ we are more than moms

Omg far from a monster. You are normal. He does NOT GET IT. They usually dont.

Maybe speak to your husband and organise a night or two a week where he does the bedtime routine to allow him his bonding time with the kids if he enjoys the snuggles and you have some you time (bath or whatever). This removes the guilt feeling as you are making it about HIM getting time with them rather than you getting time away from them. I think the highest reason I sometimes hate being touched or having to lie and snuggle to settle the little one is that I feel that I am no longer Iona, just mum. And that is hard for anyone outside of your mind to understand, but maybe this is why you are experiencing burn out. It’s not that you want to be away from your kids or hate them or anything the voice will tell you, it’s because you want to remember who YOU are within the role of mum, not that your entire being is mum. It is hard to communicate these feelings when you are in the midst of it all. It isn’t about wanting time away from the kids. It’s that you need to recharge yourself

I totally get this my husband looks at me crazy when I tell him I’m touched out! It is hard men need to realize the moms need a break! You’re an amazing mom don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re not. But mommas need time to themselves and reminders from there husbands that they are doing a great job

You need self care too

Aren’t all moms excited for bed time ? 😂 NOT a monster

You are perfectly allowed to feel how you feel. Any sane person would get burnt out. If the babies want extra snuggles maybe dad should do bedtime that way you can get a break?

I think the parent that is out of the house the most often feels like they miss out on all these moments since theyre away. My husband comes home so refreshed and he just misses the babies so much. Meanwhile I'm like I've dealt with so many tantrums today and random craziness...I'm like babies are in bed at bed time no ifs ands or buts lol I need my time. I've had to explain that to my husband and he gets it. It's also hard on him because he gets home and only gets 2-3 hours before the kids are asleep. So he is always kind of pushing the time to get more time with the kids lol

Hey girl! Get your husband to watch your kiddos and you go out! Just do it and don’t have guilt! I get a little me time every day to myself. Where I walk, take a bath, a nap or work on school. Do something for yourself. To maintain your happiness. Save 10% for yourself and don’t let anyone have that! Your happiness will make you a better mom. Trust me. It’s not selfish. It’s important. Also. Get him to do bedtime if you hate it.

My husband understands why I get burnt out so on days when I just can’t handle anymore he will take over for the remainder of the night. He’ll take her to a store like target and let her play and run around. Other days though we work as a team he does bath time I get the room ready for bedtime he takes out the garbage while I make his lunch he does a quick toy pickup while I sweep. It sounds like you may not be giving him enough opportunity to solo parent. And I don’t mean to say it like ugh just let him because no I’ve been guilty of this too. My daughter only wanted me when she was a baby and when she turned one (she still very much wants me but it’s gotten better) and I’d get so irritated to even me touched until I heard someone say how can we expect him to parent if we don’t give him the space to do it. So my advice is to have that talk with him tell him even if it’s just for thirty minutes go somewhere with the kids to give me a break and you enough bonding time.

Nothing is wrong with that. You spend a lot of time with your kids. It’s okay to want them to go to bed to finally get some alone time lol

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