Pushin through
Show your support
Can his home accommodate you and the children? Wondering if you can spend time at his place so you’re there already when he arrives
@Maria I’m not sure how to do that. Any time I’ve tried to bring it up I get hit with “I’m not doing anything wrong, I’m not out at a bar or picking up random women all I’m doing is literally working.” And he’s right… but I feel like I’m just sitting here waiting until he either needs me to do something for him, or when he finally needs sex himself. Then he’ll come over 2 days in a row, or want me to go to work with him but then not understand how 5 days later I’m pissy again because in his eyes those two days should hold me over until he has time again. @Kris it’s his business so he makes his own hours. Some days he’s done by 5pm some days he’s not done until 10pm. Even when he’s done earlier he may go home and eat, but then go back out to another job if he’s feeling up to it. If not he’ll do work around his house, eat, shower, then pass out. It’s completely impossible to plan anything
That’s tough girl! Only thing that can be said is those that want to will. Maybe explore if he’s in the proper space for a relationship.
Tough situation for you! I agree with Kris, if he wanted he would. Considering he has some power over his work. Unfortunately he wants to be single and booty call you when he feels like it. It's not a relationship. Sorry you're in this, men often need another man to tell them the same we've been telling them in order to hear. You deserve better, you deserve to be prioritised
You’re not being too needy, at all. I do agree with @Kris that it’s an “if he wanted to, he would” situation. These kinds of things sort of have to come internally from that person. He’d have to want to show up in this way, regardless of outside (work) factors. My husband works long tough hours every day but when he’s home, it’s a shared load. He’s hands on with the babes and we try to take care of one another emotionally in the way we know we receive love. It’s a process and journey and he also falls asleep so fast 🤣 but in my scenario it’s typically after we jointly take care of our house and spend a little time together. I didn’t make him be involved in this way, I’ve even asked him how and why. He always says he made the decision the type of husband and dad he wanted to be before we even got married.
@Paige I feel like if we lived together it would be very different. When he’s here he’s very involved, helping, fixing, cooking, taking initiative with everything. We just can’t do that right this second. We want to make sure this is the smoothest transition for the kids we possibly can. When he’s home he ends up sitting on the bed for a second and passing out. The man is tired, I totally get it and like I said feel borderline selfish for complaining. He’s out there securing our future with his business that he made me apart of on paper, and I’m pissy assed about this. I don’t want this to bother me, I want to find ways to “deal” with it for the time being I guess you could say.
He came here today to fix my neighbors roof (after not showing here last night) and he stopped over, fixed my glass door, bought my garbage cans up, tipped the sanitation men $20 for working in the cold, stuffed money into my purse, gave me kisses and hugs and left to the next job. He makes it so hard to be upset with him. I called him and said again, “i appreciate everything you do for me and im so grateful for it all. But all I want to do is see your face and spend some time with you. I understand ur love language is acts of service, clearly, but mine is quality time. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but some time is enough for me.” And he said he will try his hardest to work on that, but it’s difficult when he’s a one man operation and I need to understand at times he’s not always going to be around.
Doesn't sound needy, sounds very reasonable. Both parties need to make effort to understand and act in the other's love language. If you didn't do anything for him he'd notice too. I would think its not about a conversation, men are not usually into the same type of conversation, but rather its about stating your needs and "requirements". Be straight and simple and not like your doing an ultimatum. (Honestly, men are from Mars and women and from Venus book helped me understand this!)