Partner left us

As much as you love him and think you guys could work through things, he has left and if you are meant to be you will be, and it could be that you both end up back together but in a happier place in the future. I understand how you’re feeling as it is tough on a relationship after a baby, and you probably feel as though things would get better with time, and it’s probably frustrating feeling as though he’s giving up. Try spend the next few days pampering and pouring into yourself. Do things you enjoy, see people you love, make yourself feel good and although I know it’s easier said than done, try not to let it consume you thinking about him and how he feels and what should happen. When he comes tomorrow maybe suggest that you guys meet up in a week/couple of weeks time. He might say no, but if he says yes I would not talk to him until then and just let him do his thing and focus on you. It could be that he misses you during that week - especially if you don’t contact him!

Either way whatever happens you have your little boy and you will get through it ♥️

That is such a hard situation, I’m sorry your going through this. I can only imagine how hard it is. I would give him the space he needs so that he could get his mind together, especially if it’s depression he may be direct his feelings he is having about other things on to you. I think it’s great that you check on him and make sure people are checking on him as well, it shows you are a great person. Maybe with time he will be able to get his mind straight- as for yourself, I would remind yours how strong you are. You can take this time to really focus on you, and become the best version of yourself because just like with any relationship we should want to be with someone, but like you said we don’t need to be with them. Don’t forget what you deserve. I would give him a couple weeks and then check in with him- do you have support systems you can lean on at this time? Maybe therapy to help you clear your in head? I know it’s hard to get past these things alone. Sending you love.

Give him some time. Sometimes people just need some space to think things through without any expectations being placed on them.

For starters, please don't tell him that this is just his depression making him act this way, as you don't know that. Just because you still love him and feel hurt he ended it, doesn't mean he harbours the feelings you do. Of course you feel knocked for six, it was him who ended it and you weren't expecting it. Don't force it though, let him open up the conversation if he wants to, otherwise assume your relationship is over and start working on yourself.

The more you push it for him to be with you and work things out, the more he will not want you. Love yourself, value yourself and forgive yourself. When you leave, do not contact him. Do not tell him that you miss him or anything. Men want women that do not want them. When he contacts you to see the child don’t ask for anything just say ok. No matter how much it hurts, do not show him that you can’t do without him it’s only making it worse of him not wanting you.

This is cold hearted. He has a responsibility to help care for his child-- he can't just disappear on you and your child. It's one thing to be done with a relationship and another to be a cruel person and a bad father. He's leaving all the child care to you then "checking up" as if he were a grandparent. Spend some time with the people who most value you and reflect on your self worth. Surround yourself with community-- even if he came back, he has shown he is untrustworthy. You will need support to help raise this baby. You deserve someone who would work through mental health issues with you.

Don't ask him to reconsider tomorrow. Wait at least two weeks. Maybe he will see he's made a mistake. But I doubt he'll change his mind overnight.

Hey, thanks so much to all of you for the advice xx Update from the conversation we’ve had today: he’s been much calmer and said to me that he still cares about me of course, but more for our son now. And obviously why. He is currently living two hours away from his son and that is such a painful situation for him as dad. He poured his heart out and said he also hates the situation. I had to say I am ready for the change and I can make improvements in my life to feel like myself again, but he can come see his son whenever he wants to. He said that’s great. We also agreed to give it a break of a couple of weeks. In this time, I’ll be applying for jobs, finding a house, doing whatever the heck I can to put myself on track. And I will prove him that I am okay and what is he losing is worthy. Then I’m not sure what the outcome will be, as he did say he can’t be with someone he is constantly arguing and feels pressure from. But pressure isn’t just from me. It’s you know…society.

In terms of getting him to reconsider I wouldn’t do that at all. Like you said do everything you need to do but for you and your son not for him and if he then wants to try and backtrack on his decision that’s his issue and he’ll have to work to regain your trust as there would be no hope for a healthy relationship if you worry he could take up and leave at any point (unless there’s good reason and warning). And I hope there was good reason this time around because abandoning your partner when she’s recently had your baby is pretty harsh and cold to say the least.

Sounds like this is largely a communication issue and you guys need to learn to talk without arguing, if this relationship is going to work

Yes, @Charis, I agree here. I’ve already told him that I’ve been independent before having my son and I can come back to it. And I can focus on mine and my son’s happiness as much as I can. I mean…it’s going to be rough for me. But I know eventually I’ll get there. I tried not to put any pressure on him. He has time to think about what he’s done/said. Hopefully he realises and regains my trust.

Hi @Ella. Definitely. We’ve had communication flaws since I remember. But there’s been times we sorted them out. He is a person who can attack so quickly and doesn’t think he hurt me (doesn’t believe as he has not experienced it). He’s got undiagnosed adhd, still waiting to find out for certain. Myself I react as I think humans should. When you see someone struggling or hurting, you help. You ask if they need anything. You worry about them. He kept blaming me for not spending more time with him and organising outings. But…I was too busy being a mother. Which wasn’t fair on him. However, this has been happening more in those first 6-7 months postpartum which he has been blaming me for. I kept telling him why I was distant. And I’ve improved now, I thought. I was the one who’d recommend date ideas. And he didn’t see that I tried. I think his issue with this relationship was that I wasn’t involved as much, which wasn’t true.

Sounds like he's the problem, not you. Sounds like he wanted to have a baby but have absolutely no aspect of his life change.

As hard as it is. Don't suffocate him. Don't mention you and him. Let him ask about and see your son. Let him come to you if that's how it's gonna go. If he doesn't come to you. Then he's not your Prince and he's letting you go so you can find the person you're meant to be with

Hi guys, Well…you know, I’m not sure how long does he need. I think he is being adamant he doesn’t want us to continue. Me and my son have a stomach bug for a couple of days now and really struggling. I had to message him and say what’s happening and that his som needs him nearby. I did have to say he can stay at the house because in case of emergency, he can be close. However, he kept saying he won’t stay in this house as long as I’m in it. That he made that clear. But he will be there for our son. How do I understand this? My life is complicated as it is and feels like a piece of me broke. And also with this sickness I’m unable to do much. I’m supposed to find a home for me and my son, a job, drivings licence, take my son to nursery, move the nursery. I got to a point that I’m so desperate and I am done with life.