Infertility support please

Hi all We've been ttc for 5 years and had our first ivf cycle fail with no frozen embryos we have since decided to continue with treatment now funded by ourselves. Today I found out my sister in law is pregnant. Which i did know was her first try because there had been some talks about her trying soon. Obviously I am happy for them but can't help but have so many negative thoughts about the fact they're relationship isn't great. She's barely held a job down and has been unemployed for ages ect. I know it's bad to judge as this obviously does not make her an undeserving mother but I just find it to hard to see that we have invested so much of our life into creating a perfect family home which I and my partner have worked our bums off for always having a family as being our main focus in life and yet we still can have children. I'm also really feeling it as her due date is actually same month I would be due if our ivf worked and im just now going to forever be comparing everything by weeks of this is where I could have been or what I could have been doing. I'm finding this so difficult to deal with. I don't know what to do right now. I feel like I had tried to draw a line under ttc until out next round and focus on having some nice holidays and having some time to myself and this has completely hit me in the face and blindsided me.

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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I was unsuccessful for 9 years having recurrent losses one after the other, meanwhile everyone and their mother around me would literally sneeze and get pregnant. I’d get invited to baby showers and not go. Work colleagues would announce pregnancies and I’d have to leave the room. Best friend ‘wasn’t trying’ and became pregnant (the day she had her baby I went to see them in hospital a day after I had another chemical). It just didn’t make any sense. I just wanted to say I really understand and I’m sorry. I know it’s easier said than done but try to focus on yourself- I decided to change my hair completely - booked a couple of weekends away, just focused on a few things that would distract me. Sending hugs and please message me If you need x x

@Mari thank you lovely. I know there's never any answer or anything to feel better but sometimes it feels like I'm in a world where nobody understands so it's nice to feel listened to by someone who knows what it's like. Not that I would wish it upon anyone. I've spent 5 years waiting around for what ifs.. so 2025 we have booked some holidays I've stopped trying so much and just been playing funding our next ivf. I think I would just in a good place mentally this year. Especially overcoming our failed ivf in november and getting through christmas. I think this has just completely put me back to rock bottom. I've already completely blocked out any friends I had who have now had children due to it being hard and just realising they're not there for me and found this my coping mechanism but when it's family it's not quite as easy is it. I've had a good cry and I think I'm just going to try and pick myself up again. I just don't know how many blows I can take 💔

I always found Christmas and birthdays the hardest. I’d often try and get out of things too because I just couldn’t face it all. I completely get how you feel. Please don’t feel you’re alone. There are so many of us feeling like this or who have felt like this in the past. As I say, always here so please feel free to dm me xx