MIL

I cannot stand her, I disagree with so many of her lifestyle choices and think she is a horrible, manipulative woman. She is constantly making comments about how she doesn’t see her grandchild but whenever we make any effort (she’s never come to see him at our house) to see her she makes it very awkward for us or will say she’s busy. After months of arguing with my partner about how she doesn’t spend much time with him (and him blaming me) I have offered for her to have him for a couple of hours next week, again she has come back with an excuse about why she cannot do it. My partner doesn’t seem to see it AT ALL. And this argument with no doubt come up again in the future. The more I get to know her, the more I want nothing to do with her, and I don’t want my son to have exposure to her selfish behaviours. I hear ‘daddy issues’ mentioned so much in main stream media but what about ‘mum issues’ as my partner definitely has issues from his childhood. Has anyone been in a similar situation? And how did you manage it? For example in the lead up to Christmas we had at least 3 arguments which ended up in tears over seeing her on Christmas Day. We spent the bulk of our day travelling over to see her with our 10 month old, for her to spend 30 minutes with us and then say she had other plans…

Show your support

No way! That is toxic behaviour. I don’t even know why she bothers pretending like she wants to spend time with your LO and for your husband to not see it is just crazy. He should be supporting you. I know she is his mother but he shouldn’t even be that blind. That’s his child too. Is he not hurt that she don’t want to spend time with her own grandson. Baffles me. 🤦🏽‍♀️

I would leave it like this… MIL let us know when you’re free to come and visit our house in the future. We will try to accommodate the best we can. Times that suit us to visit haven’t suited you so we want you to have full control of when it suits you to come to us. If she makes no effort at all I would point out to your husband that she should not complain if she’s not willing to make an effort to see them. There is no point arguing with your partner on this as it’s wasted energy. The problem is your MIL and not you.

She used the whole thing as a way to manipulate him last night and make him feel sorry for her. Which is frustrating in itself but also he was quite emotional after coming off the phone and I find it hurtful that he has never shown me the same empathy that he seems to show her. I have tried to go down that route Lesley but she manipulates the situation so much that he never believes she is the issue.

Tell your husband that it’s not worth arguing over it anymore. It’s his responsibility to come up with a solution that works for everyone. His parents, his problem. Definitely don’t put yourself in the middle of it and if your MIL try’s to talk to you direct about it say look anything related to this topic could you please go to my husband direct as I don’t want to be in the middle anymore.

@Lesley love this answer, is just spot on

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