Tantrums

Just so y’all know I was patient through it all I never yelled or raised my voice and tried to talk her through it. We went to a museum today just to get out since it’s winter and we were bored. It was just me and my toddler. It went good at the start but then I let her walk on her own holding my hand. She got obsessed with one spot which was a cave. She kept running in and out and I didn’t mind but then other kids wanted to come in and look. She tried to follow and the mom seemed annoyed so I tried to steer my daughter another way. It ended with crying and a meltdown. I get it she just wanted to see what the other kid was doing. Anyways the mom told her kids “let’s go” and my daughter cried and cried but then went through the cave again. We’ve probab been in this cave for 20-30 minutes but she was just obsessed with it and kept coming back to it and more ppl were coming. I decided to pick her up and go look at the other stuff with her which ended in screaming and crying. She finally calmed down and got excited to look at the birds. She went on the step there and lost her footing which made her fall back and hit her back of head on tile floor. I of course have the worst reaction time and missed by an inch of catching her. She cried and cried. I soothed her I felt so fucking bad. She didn’t get a knot and finally calmed down and it was only a foot high maybe less (yes I called pediatrician after we left) and went back to the cave. We stayed for 10 more minutes then again I toured her to the other part which was.. a tree house 🤦‍♀️ she wanted to go up and down the stairs over the bridge over and over. I was fine with it. We did that for 20 minutes until she started trying to commit suicide off the stairs so I decided let’s go to the next one. Which ended in tears. She then kept looking for the tree house. Everyone was looking at me. I decided she was overall overstimulated and probably hot and had a headache so I picked her up and walked out with her. She had the worst tantrum she’s ever had. She screamed for an hour all the way home. I felt so bad. I know it was my fault I should’ve just let her stay in those spots but I was so worried about everyone else who got annoyed with us lol. She is fine now but she is still now just frustrated at everything crying at the smallest inconvenience since getting home. I’m exhausted. How do y’all handle these situations?

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Btw the museum was unbelievably hot I was dripping sweat off my forehead and nose lol. My daughter had red cheeks probably from also crying but that’s how hot it was. My judgement to go to this museum today was not on my best radar 😭 we should’ve just stayed home

After having two girls. I remember when I was a first time mom I would’ve probably handled it the same way you did. I think you did what you could at that moment and some things specially with kids are just out of your control. She’s going to be frustrated… what can you do? Maybe turn on a movie, nap together, eat nothing too stimulating. Don’t be too hard on your self.

@Bella I just turned on a show and she collapsed on me and calmed down and is now watching tv cuddling me. I think today was just overwhelming for both of us. Thank you ♥️

I find that instead of pulling her away, giving warnings or even setting a timer is helpful with small children. Try language like “in five minutes we’re going to move to another activity. Would you like to help mommy set the timer?” Then from there you give her warnings on the time. “This is your two minute warning, 30 seconds left, then finally a count down get her involved allow her to work with you if she can. Then she’ll hear the alarm and know it’s time to move to the next activity. If other kids are waiting, it’s OK for them to wait. Patience is important for small children and There are other things they can look at in the meantime. Giving options is also beneficial if she’s still set on staying “we’re going to move on now would you like mommy to hold your hand or do you want to walk next to me.” “Do you want to hold your bag or do you want mommy to hold your bag” It takes time but eventually it will work.

I try to follow other parents cues especially since my son isnt used to being around other kids so probably would have done what you did. But when I'm thinking I try to use a timer on my phone. My son seems to do better with something he can see and then the alarm is the bad guy instead of mommy.

It definitely happens to everyone! Like @Laney said, giving even simple options can make a difference sometimes! I never have time to read at the moment but I've been listening to the audiobook of 'how to talk so little kids will listen' and have found it has lots of useful ideas like this, simple things like if my daughter doesn't want to put socks on, rather than saying "shall I put your socks on?" I'll say "which sock shall I put on first?" And she'll stick out the chosen foot! Just give them less opportunities to say no 😂 that's what I've taken from it so far

Oh! This was me today

What works for us is telling them you can go to the cave two more times and then we're going elsewhere. We do this in a park. You can go to four more things and then we go etc.

They also like to have choices. With mine I always gave them two options to choose from. Then they feel they have a say. It works well with clothes. Also, I ask her toes to go into the socks because it's warm in there etc. With my oldest we make things into a game...will she be able to get dressed whilst I count to 20 etc.

@Minna @Rachel think this is where I screwed up because I kept saying “can we go to the next one” and it made her have an option of saying no lol

This sounds exactly like an outing I had with my daughter the other day, except it was to a playground. As well as me having to restrict her because of other kids or safety, she did also seem to be extremely close to tears the entire time so I think she was just having an off day. I carried her home on my shoulders crying and we did the same collapse and tv as you've described. I've noticed that sometimes it's better to just leave earlier to prevent a worse reaction later on. I always just let her lead with how long we spent doing an outdoor activity but she absolutely exhausts herself which makes it so much harder to leave. So sometimes now I prep her to leave earlier so she still has some reserves for the journey home.

@Isla honestly I think being out long overstimulates my daughter. It even overstimulates me so I wouldn’t be surprised if it did her tiny little mind as well. I just can’t wait for it to be summer again so we can just go out in the backyard and look at ducks and not freeze

I do the same as you but whenever I want to leave I tell her ‘LAST ONE - then we’re finished’ which so far, seems to work if she is prepped. Touch wood this remains! But if she’s getting too antsy I will take her to eat and call it quits at any point.

Honestly this is just normal for most kids until they hit age 5/6….I have three and used to be a nanny, it’s nothing new, same story different kid…you just kind of dabble in places like this and sometimes it’s half great/half stress and you’re kid is kicking and screaming leaving the building lol…I think it’s still good to give them the experiences and you start to learn each kids personal limits and let go of the anxiety about being judged. As long as you are socially aware and respectful, a kid being a kid is going to happen and they deserve to be in pubic spaces 🤷🏼‍♀️

@🩷 Patience 🩷 you definitely didn't screw up 😊 you stayed calm which can be super difficult and there's no real perfect answer to distract a toddler on a mission! Sounds like you had a nice evening cuddle, I find those moments can really help make up for a challenging day!

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