Husband (soon to be ex) selling my stuff without permission/telling me

I mean if you said donate or throw away the clothes, it’s kinda you saying you didn’t want them/care anymore so he chose to sell them. Can’t be mad at that, you abandoned that stuff, took what you could of course but still said that after so eh no one’s in the wrong there. Sounds like he was/is unstable so prob needs help. He needs to own up yeah he was money hungry, and you’re not selfish imo just need to stick to your words either say don’t touch my stuff in my house or not be mad when you say donate or trash the rest and he chose what to do w it

@Heidi I view it as specific instructions were given on what I was okay with and what I was not. And he took it upon himself to do something and not even at the very least let me know. He could’ve trashed my shoes just like he trashed everything else.

@Heidi on top of he agreed to donate or trash it. Then did something else. It wasn’t just shoes either. It was furniture and an Apple Watch that I forgot there. He knows where I am and could’ve offered to even send the small expensive stuff back to me.

I agree with @Heidi Once you said he could donate/trash your clothes - you gave up ownership. Once you said he could keep the furniture - you gave up ownership. When you realized you forgot things you would’ve wanted like your Apple Watch, then you should’ve reached out and said hey I forgot xyz there and wanna get it. I’d only understand the shoe argument had you left it at clothes and furniture and said you were coming for the shoes separating them from the clothes. But you don’t seem to care about the separation, but care that he made money off of it. If you wanted the only options to be donate or trash, then you easily could’ve trashed it all or went to goodwill with donations yourself. Otherwise, you told him your ‘preferred’ instructions, but gave him the ability to do whatever he wanted. Cause how would you know if he donated it vs made money off of it anyway

@Macdalia being married comes with different laws. And part of those are items bought during marriage are marital property (including personal belongings). Marital property cannot be sold during a divorce without permission and he can be held legally responsible for it. (I.e having to reimburse me for the value of my items). Him misleading me by agreeing to donate and then selling it is considered fraudulent misrepresentation.

Take it to court then. You know deep down once you said he could donate it or trash it - you gave up your ownership. It’s clear that it’s the audacity of him selling it and not saying anything or offering you any of the money. But again had you cared about having the items back - it wouldn’t have been Donateable or trashable. It would be leave my stuff alone and I’ll get it when I can. It’s valid in the sense you said clothes and furniture and didn’t specify anything about the shoes or purses. But this is more about audacity than anything which was shown in your first message. In the texts you dropped nor your posts, were you mentioning suing him about it. He could’ve said he donated it and left it at that.

@Macdalia yes you are correct the audacity is what baffles me especially since he cries in my phone once a week wanting me to come back. I just wasn’t going back to a space where there’s a man who threatens to kill himself because he didn’t like that I simply corrected him ..because he could’ve easily pointed it at me. But honestly it’s more about principle and consideration which he’s lacked through our entire relationship. I guess I thought this could be the one thing he had consideration for

Ah he had the right to do that when you gave it up

I understand your feelings on that end. I absolutely agree you should be leaving him. I had a guy that would kiss the ground I’d walk on but because I said I wanted things to go super slowly while he rushed it (not sex but everything else) he sent me a video of him putting a gun to himself and then wouldn’t answer my calls or texts for hours, but was mad I sent the cops to his house with the knowledge of his siblings. You’re doing the right thing. And the audacity does kinda suck ass, but also once you said donate/trash - it’s basically his now. That’s the part that makes it a catch 22. But some men always gonna have audacity & wanna have you. But if he’s been shit before he’s gonna keep bein shit. Esp once he realizes he has truly lost you.