Fed up

Honestly I'm just fed up. I dread weekends, I'm fed up of SD, fed up of BM. SD has been so clingy since our daughter was born. It's been 6 months now and it's just exhausting. She tells us all she loves us by name every minute - that is no exaggeration. She gets up and follows us without saying anything so when you try and turn around, you trip over her. She even gets up in the middle of the night to say I love you and then goes back to bed. She's here every weekend, there is no let up atall, she takes whatever toys our baby is playing with off her because they are her favourite and she wants to play with them. Whenever anyone goes near the baby, she literally gets up and forces her way in the middle of them. Obviously, she is still struggling to adjust, and we try our hardest with her. She gets 90% of my partners attention, and as soon as he picks up our daughter or pays her any attention, she's right there at his feet, getting in the middle of them. I dread weekends, its exhausting all the time, even my partners fed up. Her mum won't spend time with her at the weekends so we never get a weekend without her. My works all week so we barely spend any time as a 3 atall, we just go through the motions after work. I have just had enough. BM goes through different phases, where SD isn't allowed chocolate or sweets or juice or takeaways, and we get abuse off her if she eats or drinks anything BM has banned, but then SD will come back the weekend after and tell us how she's had pancakes and chocolate for breakfast and mcdonalds and crisps etc all week. She kicks off over the most insignificant things, she was zero respect for either of us and acts all high and mighty. I know it will *probably* get easier but it's been 6 months and I am just over it, and as awful as it sounds I'm just over being a step mum now to be honest. Fed up of all the baggage that comes with it. Me and my partner have a great relationship, a great routine, we help and support each other, and then the weekends come around, and we end up snapping at each other and arguing. I just needed to rant somewhere and I don't have any step mum friends that understand how hard it can be😂

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That sounds awful! And there are definitely lots of us here that understand. I dread weekends too, we alsp always end up snappy with each other especially Friday afternoon when she's about to get here! I wish it could be every other weekend! Havnt had a weekend off in 2 years! My SD (7) is SO hyper and loud and high pitched I just want to cover my ears, she won't leave the baby alone and always asks to have a cuddle with him when I am having a cuddle with him

Hey, it’s ok hun, you sound very strung out and upset. I hear you. Sending you hugs mama 🤗 try mentally and emotionally stepping back from the situation and maybe it will help you to see that your little SD just needs reassurance that she is still valid and loved. Why don’t you try mirroring her behaviour, you and hubby tell her first and repeatedly that you love her and give her many hugs, then she will feel more relaxed and accept that her sibling does not pose an existential threat to her. I remember my step daughter sharing her concerns with me not long ago that when baby is born we’ll have less love and attention for her because it will be shared between the two of them. But I told her that’s not how it works and when the baby is born the parent’s heart grows bigger and instead of dividing what’s already there there is actually more love being produced to go around for everyone. She was happy with that explanation and is now very sweet and loving towards the baby.

@Lora such good ideas! Stealing these!x

@Kerry that's exactly us! Because we know what's coming it just instantly puts us both down 😮‍💨 it's so hard, isn't it every weekend, just one weekend off would be nice! @Lora we've been doing this for the past 3 weekends. Making sure we say it first, lots of snuggles, if we call baby beautiful/gorgeous, etc, we also call it SD. It doesn't seem to be making a difference, if anything, she says it more now because she wants to 'win' and say it the most. Last weekend she asked who we loved more, and we explained we love them both the same, but she wouldn't let it go and kept asking IF we had to pick who would we pick 🫠 Your explanation is very lovely though, and if she does ask i may try explaining it that way to her! Thank you

I get your frustration, how old is SD?

Same situation 😓

@Hollie she is 7 x

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