Hiding self harm from hubby

Really nothing that’s not obvious apart from anything long sleeved. But the quicker you tell him the better honestly it’s good to get it out there

Long sleeve/long trouser pyjamas or clothes? Make sure you are keeping the area clean and dry though, with a bandage wrap to begin with and then let it air out to heal properly, after a few days put some moisturiser on it or skin oils to help with healing the scars. Hope you are okay, here if u need to talk 🫶🏼I know the guilt and shame feeling all too well after self harming, so you aren’t alone in that either, I hide it also but the sooner you tell someone you trust the sooner you get the support you need

I'm known for it even though it's been years so I've gone for ankles where it won't be as visible and I'm always in long socks but it's warming up now so I don't wanna be wearing pyjamas in bed all the time because I'm sweating so much. I'll be honest I'm not bothering too much with hygiene like I used to but I'm thinking of putting a hydrocolloid dressing over them. I just can't think of a way to cover up better

Do you have a fan for the bedroom? Or maybe open windows at night so it stays cooler. Try and keep the area clean because infections can happen, even if they haven’t happened before and you think it won’t happen to you. A warm bath and clean socks will do the job for now.

I'm so sorry you're battling this evil demon. I self harmed badly for quite a few years and it's such an isolating thing to go through. If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out. I know how hard it is to stop. Please don't be afraid to talk to someone. You're strong and enough and you're never alone 💕

We do have a fan but it will probably wake the baby up and the window doesn't open properly anymore. I do shower every other day so they get cleaned then but I guess I should probably try and sterilise the blade discretely somehow. I was an avid self harmer for like 8-9 years and it was never too bad because my friends knew and I could always talk it out but now I feel so convinced that if anyone finds out I'll get hurt that I just can't find myself able to talk to anyone

Violenceanonymous.org

@Nicole that website is so odd ? Seems like it’s been made by a 12 year old spouting bs about god, definitely not helpful nor relevant in this situation

Hi Millie, if the look of the website mattered, then it would be an issue. It's about the content. It's not there to sell you a product but to offer a long term peer support.

@Nicole it’s poorly written with nonsensical content about god. It makes no sense and ISNT relevant to this persons post. Send this to your Christian friends instead. This isn’t the place for it

It's not Christian, Judiac, Muslim, Buddhist, or Hindu. All walks of faith are welcome. Sounds like you could really benefit from it. I wish you no harm.

@Nicole people with religion need to learn to stop shoving it in others faces.

Atheists are welcome, too.

@Nicole That's definitely a weird website...the questions are vague enough that probably everyone would score enough to be considered to have a violence issue. I also don't have a violence issue, I have crippling depression and I feel like cutting myself to cause pain gives me control and release. There is no such thing as god, nor would it help me any more than paddington bear

Hey Incognito, thanks for reaching out. Self-harming is a coping mechanism that no longer serves. Get the help you need and take good care of you. You're not alone.

🤗 try to arrange some therapy, that can help to smooth the transition into communicating with your husband. Remember you’re not alone, and everything is only temporary. 🤍

@Aggs I've already got a therapist and I'm waiting to hear back from the perinatal team too but I can't bring myself to tell either of them

Thank you for sharing, and for reaching out for support. Have you tried distraction techniques? Rubber bands on the skin instead? It’s so easy to cut too deep on accident which is my worry when someone is self harming. Failing that as said above ensuring to keep your wounds clean. Please do try and speak to your husband though instead of hiding, he wouldn’t want you to be going through this alone and would want to be there for you. I can’t imagine the pressure that trying to keep this secret is having on your mental health and could be fuelling your feelings to harm more. I hope you get the help you need ❤️

Hey OP, you should tell your husband as he can keep you accountable/offer support when the urges kick in. I used to SH for many years…fortunately, I think it has been 2yrs since the last time I did, but I definitely understand the urge and shame. Things that helped me were finding other coping mechanisms as an alternative and immediately going for them as soon as the feelings and urges started to arise. I’d go through the list of things I knew would help me battle these emotions and wouldn’t resort to SH until I completed all of them. SH was always an option, but the last option.

@Danielle I make origami stars to keep my hands busy because they're a pain in the arse and they work great to an extent. Rubber bands never worked for me because I don't think they're the right sort of pain. I'm very careful to go super shallow, they don't bleed instantly and I can't always tell if I've even cut for a few seconds, less than a paper cut. The pressure is awful and I get the urge to tell someone but then I fear the consequences too much and I get a lot of invasive thoughts about what would happen if anyone found out

@Kassia it's been about 5 or 6 years for me but I remember everything clearly and also all the coping mechanisms and alternatives but I just need to cut and nothing else is good enough as an alternative. I keep rules about it to keep it to a minimum at least

Yeah, that’s why it is considered an addiction. However, cutting just makes everything worse—even if it feels good. It is literally the same as drugs. Not only that, but having scars as a reminder for the rest of your life. 🥲 I hate wearing short sleeves, because most of my scars are on my arms and they’re very noticeable. I dread the day my baby notices and asks. Idk if you have access to it, but I strongly recommend that you try micro dosing with psilocybin (along with therapy). It helped me tremendously with my anxiety and depression and helped me stay away from SH for the past 2yrs (I microdosed before I moved to the UK). You need to get to the bottom of your issues or else you won’t be able to genuinely get better. Being mentally better is a hella of a lot better than cutting—by a long shot!

@Kassia I know long term it's worse but I'm in control and my mood has been noticeably better and more consistent. I did look into micro dosing shrooms/lsd years ago but never got to it plus now I'm breastfeeding. My mind is just telling me that everything will be a million times worse if anyone finds out

But your cortisol levels are high and cutting makes it worse. Cortisol gets into the breastmilk and DOES negatively impact the baby. Your mind is only telling you that because it is an addiction and addictions are harder to maintain when it is brought to light. I understand wanting to be in control (my SH stemmed from an ED when I was young) and the stress of feeling like you cannot control your own emotions. However, REAL control is managing your emotions from start to end on your own, rather than numbing them. Anyway, your brain isn’t exactly logical right now, so I know telling you these things likely won’t make a difference. However, I do hope you tell your husband and fight against this and become mentally healthy ☺️

@Kassia I am trying to listen but, like you said, illogical brain right now so all I'm gonna do is argue against your and my sensible side 🙃 I thought about telling him or even my friend today but I just can't do it

@Kassia I think my issue is that I left my arm out from the covers once and my dad saw and went and got my mum and then they were both demanding I show them. Or someone would take the piss out of it or I'd end up with loads on pointless school meeting etc. I was definitely out of control then but now I'm very controlled. For now anyway

You *think* you’re controlled, anyway. Yeah, it can be a bit traumatizing to tell anyone after having such bad reactions. My dad’s reaction was not great either. But we have to be better for ourselves in order to be better for our children (and for them to be better).

Just please be as safe as possible. I have never heard of the stars before, but that’s good that you’re keeping yourself occupied and hands busy. I don’t think your husband would have any consequences he loves you and would want to be there for you. But I do understand why you would worry

@Kassia As controlled as someone self harming can be @Danielle I'm being safe as I know how, unfortunately during my past I used to use literally anything so I'm just kinda winging it 🙃

@Kassia telling someone who’s got a grasp on what has happened that they only think they’re now in control is really not helpful. Neither is you explaining you telling how all the different ways you self harmed. I understand you’re trying to help but it’s coming across very patronising.

Just because you’ve self harmed doesn’t mean you’re not in control. You’re aware of what you’re done and you’re asking for help here so clearly you’re somewhat in control. You’re doing very well x

@Alena For other people I agree a bit however sometimes a firm reminder can be useful and it's something I find beneficial so no harm here

@Alena well, that wasn’t my intention and I don’t think OP sees it the way you do. If I were talking to you, then I would respond differently.

@Kassia I would just be careful talking about self harm so graphically. One person may be okay with it but there are a lot of people on this app and in this sub.

To be Frank you’re not the only person here, I‘m happy to help but I’m not interested in hearing about people’s self harm so graphically.

@Alena I was just trying to give examples of the disconnection I had between my perception and reality. It is really hard to sugarcoat in conversations like this, as the subject matter is already triggering. I rarely ever talk about these things, but I just wanted to challenge OP’s current perception. For some people (like my myself), it helps to be challenged.

@Alena also, since my tone is usually bland (I don’t think about tone when I speak or type), then it can come across harsh, patronizing or arrogant. Not my intention, though

I deleted my comment, though, as it was just for OP and I don’t want anyone else feeling triggered by it