Change of heart?

It’s been almost a year and I haven’t got pregnant by “accident” because we haven’t been trying. But based on calculations, it could’ve happened. We decided to try to conceive as of last month. In hopes to have a baby by October. My period came and I was so disappointed that I don’t even feel the same towards my boyfriend. My doctor says all is well on my end but because I’ll be 35 this summer, she said if I don’t end up pregnant by June to come in for further evaluation with my boyfriend. Fast forward, I feel like as much as we love each other, my egg is rejecting his sperm and I feel like had it been someone toxic, I would’ve been pregnant by now. This past weekend, I started to have a bigger change of heart and now I don’t want to try for kids. I feel like he was disappointed as well to know we didn’t conceive. I’m not sure I even want kids anymore. So many things are flashing before me in regard to our cultures. I already have two big boys. My boyfriend doesn’t have any kids and previously he didn’t want any until 5 years from now. Now he won’t stop talking about kids. I told him how I feel and he said “I understand” and immediately sent me 5 videos of guys being dads. I even feel like praying for a miracle was pointless … I’ve never believed in them and my prayer must’ve been comical. I don’t have anyone to talk to and I’ve been super depressed since AF arrived last week.