Sterilising

So my daughter is now 1yrs old, she will be our last baby as we have 3kids in total, I know this might sound crazy but I can't take myself away from using the steriliser LOL I think it's just my mind subconsciously being aware that I won't ever use one again and I need to prepare myself - I know this all sounds stupid.... my pregnancy with her was alot and our middle son was hard as he was prem at 24wks thankfully he turns 3yrs old next week! I did ask my partner are we done, he did say yes but I just feel I'm not done but at the same time we couldn't afford another lol - It's such a mindful thing isn't 🫠 Also I'm not even fussed about the Germs thing etc she's on cows milk now but for some reason I can't stop with the steriliser LOL- Do I need help am I going mad lol