No one is trying to compete with you , I repeat no one is trying to compete with you jfc

Honestly with that reaction to “oh you got here early” you probably do give off a bitchy tone because it’s really not that deep. Obviously without knowing the other comments, it sounds like she’s just trying to be polite and make small talk and it doesn’t go further because you don’t engage

Have there been other issues? Personally the comment about getting there early doesn’t sound like a dig to me. Sounds like they were just trying to make small talk.

In all honesty I think you need to read your first sentence again. Maybe you’ve missed some details or there was a crazy rude tone(?) but it sounds like the other mum was just making small talk. It sounds like a totally normal thing to say. Not everyone is going to get along and that’s ok. But you’re going to make it very difficult for yourself to make friends if you keep this up. Your vibe sounds quite guarded and hostile. You could be as lovely as can be on the inside but being so defensive off the bat means a potential friend will never get to see that side of you.

I agree with the other commenters.

@Lara I do engage I always try to but things stall then I start seeing that there's no comraderie (sp!) and yes there's been incidents prior to this like I'm not trying to beat anyone to the damn pool. Sorry can't explain it. But I know I'm being met with toxic individuals now. It's a reality. I'm not crazy here. Just really annoyed because this happens a lot and I have no idea what vibe I put put but I definitely am not putting our a bitchy vibe whatsoever. Hard to explain

@Sorrel

@Sorrel oops hit send too fast. I honestly have tried to make small talk and I'm exhausted too trying to get everything done so I feel I'm being very mindful so me and my son are bonded and I don't lose sight of him either because that could be easy to do. We get there early because we love to just observe and take time. My attention is focused yes but maybe that comes across weird and I'm not that self conscious but yet met with shaming looks I don't get this from other moms. I can't explain the other stuff but I'll say that it's a vibe and I honestly am just trying to stay in my lane and I get strange comments out of the blue that are meant to be covertly shaming Another time a mom kept commenting my son's butt and thick legs and gifted us clothes and before her comments I had opened up for coffee date etc but she wasn't interested. She was just interested to give me stuff and not receive anything when we reciprocate back. Felt small Female dynamics are very confusing to me. Maybe I'm autistic

@Haley yes there have been. I can't get into it rn sorry

@Sorrel yes I read my first sentence and I totally processed it with my gf to see why I'm irked. The end of my post I said it's probably because my mom has competed with me my whole life so now that I see it happening in other dynamics, it's annoying. It's a wound as I said. So yea I take heed and look at my stuff about this.

@Sorrel what should I have said instead? I literally said yea early because he woke up early and we are on schedule today. What a dumb response as it was literally why we got there earlier today and I always aim to because we love sitting by the pool anyway In the pool I complimented her one piece and she just laughed and no further chat. I'm so awkward sometimes idk what to do But on average I think I do well having banter with other moms. This one in particular is trickier for some reason and doesn't feel peaceful I think I'll get tested for ASD soon

Do you think you may be taking things a bit more to heart because of your relationship with your mom and her competitiveness with you growing up? Or maybe taking comments a bit too literal? Asking this as from my own experiences, I acknowledge I can be like that at times without realising and I over analyse what people say to me. I recognise that as friendly as I am (others always say this to me so this is why I say that) I am still quite socially awkward and don’t always know how to respond to small talk. Do you think maybe this could be the case for yourself?

Sometimes things will stall a bit, that’s normal. You’re not going to gel with everyone, yes we’re all mums, but we’re all different. You might not feel you’re putting a vibe out or intending to but maybe that’s how it’s coming across? Or maybe the other mums are just exhausted too and in their own heads and not really thinking about you. (Not in a nasty way). I think we’re probably all guilty at times of thinking people are thinking badly of us when in reality they’re probably just thinking what’s for dinner later?! I wonder if you might come across a little intense maybe if you’re always super early and very focused and ‘on it’ with your son? Maybe you have met some genuinely mean mums but not everyone’s like that so you just have to brush it off and move on. It good that you’ve recognised your history with your mum might be part of this, hopefully that’ll help. Have you never been friends with other women? Your mention of ‘female dynamics’ makes me wonder?

@Danielle yes 😊😊😊

There’s loads of great women out there and it irks me a bit when people group women in that way or say they simply can’t get along with women. Like we’re all the same. p.s. the clothes gifting situation was kind of odd, sounds like she wasn’t particularly open to friendship it was just about the clothes. But that’s not on you. I’d just park that one as a a weird interaction!

@Sorrel oh totally. I'm guilty of selfishly thinking about myself and you're totally right in that no one's thinking of me anyway!!! I feel less nuts thank you lol I'm just being mindful at best tbh I have been told (and to my face) that I can be complicated and intimidating but idk what that looks like or what it means Once a drunk old friend was being carried somewhere and said "don't let anyone see me especially not her" and pointed at me right when I walked to the bathroom passing them I have definitely met the meanies of the world. They're everywhere and it's good to be reminded to brush it off!!!! I have three besties as of the past 15yrs, all female 😊 so I definitely have friends. And it's not hard to be friends with other women, it just isn't easy at the beginning to hit things off, but I was fortunate with my besties because they were all honest and vulnerable and we get each other but when I'm met with something that throws me off I can now recognize it andi know I'm not crazy anymore.

I get it. It’s hard trying to figure out other peoples intentions and second guessing what they said vs what you said or worried if you said something wrong or upset someone else accidentally. Equally they might be thinking the same or could just be having an off day and didn’t mean to upset you and then beat themself up later on when they get home too worried if they did or didn’t say something wrong. Or they could just be mean (in which case that’s their issue not yours so leave them to be miserable) Try to be a bit more forgiving to yourself and to others, we’re all here trying to just figure it out as we go 😊

@Sorrel just been gaslit so much that now I think I'm finally seeing the truth about human behaviour and donno why I have gone around thinking lately that moms aren't like this but yes they are. You're right. There are mean one and I selfishly forget that it's real. I keep thinking all moms are good. No they are not. They are also snakes in grass I've met them and I denied my own reality for too long that I will not go back into the fog. And yes my mom did a number on me which took me years to repair or even unlearn so much crap about female relationships Like anything else, I've learned that respect and kindness is what I should look out for, doesn't matter what gender. I am just thrown off by other moms and you're so right tho. No one's thinking about me LMAO LMAO

Also I don’t think what you said in response to the other mum sounded bad. You could’ve just said about liking watching the pool too, there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe she’s a bit awkward too and didn’t know how to take the compliment? Chats can just be a bit awkward sometimes, we don’t know each other and are just thrown into situations together because we’re mums! People often post on here that they feel awkward chatting when most mums have signed up to literally make friends (!) try not to take it to heart.

@Sorrel you're right about awkwardness! Like I'm not the only one hulloooooo hahahahhaa. I appreciate you taking the time to hear me out about this. It feels more complicated than it should be! Oh and I'm def with you on being irked about when women are grouped a certain way, like not cool at all Is it women who you are irked by who say they can't get along with women?

@Sorrel I definitely feel it more challenging to understand and be friends with women. There can be so much stuff there to sift through before you get to a true connection. And unfortunately I believe that comes from a place of having been mistreated by women and it could date far back too. I know I was extremely lonely in high school because I simply was not good at making friends and I was faced with a lot of female bullying as opposed to bullying coming from males. I also grew up in an abusive household where the women were more abusive than the men so I have my work cut out for me but it's women like you who have a kind Vibe and my besties in my life who really taught me how to be a girl friend (one actually) and now I can be that for other women too. I guess I got triggered today overall is totally my stuff. Probably got triggered by someone else's awkwardness

@Sorrel here's another example too of my challenge with another mom friends. I clued in recently and realized wait a minute it's happening again. A pattern. This person doesn't wanna be actual friends with me she just wants to use me to kill time and tell me her problems. It's high school all over again! Sorry something deep reemerged today which is why all this is coming out lol. https://www.peanut-app.io/share/TqfpKUPzcRb

Sounds like this is a you issue tbh!

@Caroline you're right. It's always a you issue! I got to the core of it!

Do you actually like her? Was the ‘killing time’ comment a joke? If not, I’d find it kind of rude if someone said that (unless I guess you’re doing the same and neither of you care?) But then I’d just feel like what’s the point just going through the motions of a friendship 🤷🏽‍♀️ if you’re in the mood then go but I wouldn’t go out of my way. I’d probably rather just go on my own!

@Sorrel I'm not doing the same no. I value friendships and it's about the hangout and the persons I liked her until that comment. And no it wasn't a joke she actually said those things to me

@Sorrel in the moment it was rude and I was taken aback when she said it. We were also the third choice as per the post description I fawned a bit. Took me a minute to realize how rude it was and I need to not hang anymore Do I like her? I did and think she's okay. Not great or anything in fact I can't keep up with her keeping up with the Joneses. Not my style