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The way I see it, there’s 3 ways it goes, you’re either a 1. Lucky mom 2. Sleep training mom or 3. Tired/Exhausted mom. I guess option 4. Just deal with it mom who has adapted to night wake ups and just doesn’t care. But idk if they’re telling the truth 😂 Ferber method was incredible for us and by night 3 there was no crying. The a small regression for 2 days then it was done. The older they get, the harder it gets. The choice is on you! 🩷
My son slept in his own bed last night until 9am this morning, then he climbed up in my bed and napped til 11am. We started out as co-sleepers from night one, we introduced a floor mattress in our room as our day time nap spot at 18 months, by 21 months he was asking to start bedtime in his own bed. Natural progression towards independent sleep does truly occur, everybody’s timeline just looks different.
My 5 year old has never slept through the night and always ends up in my bed (I still have to sit by her bed for her to fall asleep) & my 16 month old 9/10 times ends up in my bed too (he is hit and miss sleeping through the night) & I still rock him to sleep. I don’t believe or agree with sleep training (my opinion don’t come at me girls!) The way I see it is, children will sleep on their own & all night at some point. They will be teenagers and will be dragging them out of bed every morning🤷🏼♀️
@Korissa I was a lucky mum with my first I’ll tell you that! This one couldn’t be more different and I have no clue what I’m doing or what to do. I didn’t plan to cosleep but shit it was the only way I could get any sleep. She’s got worse as times gone on though. We used to be able to have an evening and she’d wake around 03:00 for a feed and then I’d be unable to get her back to sleep in her own cot. Whereas now we get 20, 30 minutes in an evening before she’s balling. Every so often we make it to an hour but that’s so few and far between. Banging my head against a wall SERIOUSLY but I’m struggling with the idea of sleep training because a) it just doesn’t feel quite right (FOR ME, but I 100% get why people do it!!!) and b) the thought of a week, two weeks, whatever, of like no sleep whatsoever whilst she screams her head off just doesn’t appeal.
@Parker 又 this gives me hope… I need to hear from more who have found it like you!! Hope it all goes well for you. I do put her down for naps in her own cot in her own room and have been doing for months, but she’ll only have 30 mins. I was hoping she’d just sort of naturally move into it but it’s just not going well haha
Yeah it’s definitely a tolerance thing. Some moms can’t stand crying at all and I totally get that, it’s hard. I personally didn’t have too hard of a time with it bc I knew he didn’t *need* anything like a change or a feed, and this was for the best for us (I’m a single villageless mom and the sleep deprivation was sinking me into a dark place). Hunger cries make me spaz out more than the night time cries did. Everyone def has different tolerance levels for baby crying! I hope you figure something out 🩷
It wasn’t super easy! We still end up having some rough nights even now but mainly only when there’s sickness happening in the house. I also still strap my son onto my back in our baby carrier & get him to fall all the way asleep before I transfer him down. I HATE the battle of laying down drowsy but awake. If my son is tired enough to lay down and just fall asleep he will make that extremely clear to me, but if he’s resistant in any manner and it’s bed time, he goes on my back til we are actually sleepy/sleeping
He was clingy, side-car colicky for most of the beginning of his life. We didn’t sleep train. He’s now 13 months and sleeps for 13 hours a night and has done so for at least three months. I don’t know how old yours is but biologically babies just take a certain amount of time to link sleep cycles. There’s an episode of the Netflix docuseries Babies called Sleep that outlines this really well.
@Lara thank you - that’s really reassuring and I’ll check out the Netflix docuseries! It’s so hard to wade through all the STUFF out there on sleep and I just don’t want to do the wrong thing 😫
The whole series is great but that episode in particular was so helpful.
How old is baby and what is the routine? My daughter coslept until 2 and then when we moved house she went into her own room on a double floor bed. She sleeps in there all night now and if she's struggling I go and get in with her. This doesn't happen loads but we still get night wakes every so often (completely biologically normal until age 4)
Do what feels right for you, you definitely don't need to sleep train and people that tell you otherwise are giving you outdated advice. I went to a group recently where they told us that every time you comfort your child your teaching them how to comfort themselves by strengthening pathways in their brain. If you sleep train these pathways could be lost which is why some sleep training parents struggle later. You are 100% doing whats right for you and your baby. They gave us this link if you'd like to know more. https://www.basisonline.org.uk/
My eldest woke every hour at his worst, the sleep deprivation nearly broke me but I didn’t want to sleep train. Things improved when we moved him to his own room at 6 months, although sometimes he would start the day at 2am 😬 after he turned 1 he started sleeping longer stretches and between 15-18 months he was sleeping through consistently. He’s now 3.5 and loves sleeping (but still gets up early at weekends 😆)
I don’t mind the night waking, but I am struggling with the not having an evening anymore. She just seems to need to be with me to be able to sleep. And I’m torn because I love that she sees me as her safe place etc and it’s not a bother overnight, yeah she wakes up typically twice to feed but I don’t mind that. But then people keep saying oh you need to get her sleeping in her own bed or you’ll have her still with you until she’s [insert ridiculous age here], but also people say it’s that much harder as they get older (which I imagine is true!) and I do feel bad for my toddler who never got this (not that he will remember being this little). It would be quite nice to know that I’ll be getting good nights sleep again at some point, but I guess really the main issue for me is the evening. I transfer her asleep but she wakes usually after half an hour and realises I’ve gone and I have to go resettle her etc. it’s so draining!
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For us ever since night one, if I wasn’t ready to fall asleep, I’d sneak away out of bed and go do whatever I wanted until I heard awake distressed noises then I’d go in and tend to him & get him back to sleep and repeat until I was ready for actual bed. It’s a modification of a method called “camping”
@Parker 又 that’s basically what I am doing. But it’s exhausting. I would just love if she could go down at 20:00 and stay asleep until 22:00 when I go to bed. But on a good night (a very good night, which are few and far between) she will give us an hour and then she will wake every 10-20 mins or so after that first hour. On a bad night, she can be waking every 10 minutes until I just give up and go to bed. Sometimes I can’t even put her down as she just wakes straight back up again. Honestly I just miss my husband and actually being able to spend time together.
Hmmmm have yall ever used white noise? We didn’t originally but we swapped our tv in the bedroom to a projector which just makes a white noise like sound & it’s absolutely lengthened the stretches of sleep we get out of him! The other part is we’ve had a baby blanket that’s a constant that’s been associated with sleep since day one too, just so it’s not ALWAYS ONLY mom that’s needed & I try to be in tune with what part of the sleep cycle my kids at before I try laying him down, somewhere between 7-19 minutes of being actual asleep is the real sweet spot is for a transfer (for us)
They will sleep but it might take a while depending on when they are ready developmentally. My son recently turned 3 years old and I would say generally he sleeps really well now, mind you this is only if he is in our own bed but most nights he sleeps through the night and he can settle himself back to sleep. But he was a frequent waker still until around 2.5 years old.
How old is baby and what's the routine? Waking after an hour says that timings aren't right. If you let me know the routine I can suggest tweaks that should give you exactly what you need.
@Natalie she’s 8 months and probably in between 2 and 3 naps and I’ve heard this time can be rough anyway - but this isn’t new for her. We have a toddler too so with the best will in the world sticking to routines can be tricky. But roughly she wakes between 08:00 and 08:30, first nap around 10:30-11:00, second nap 13:00-13:30, third nap 15:30-16:00. I try to get naps in her cot but she tends to nap better in the pram or car, where she will have mor than 30 mins. Even if the pram or car is stationary - I don’t know why. I can say that if I sit upstairs with her at bedtime she won’t be waking up every 10-20 mins and crying - she sleeps well if I’m there. So it’s just when she wakes between cycles I think and realises I’ve gone.
There is a sleep regression at this point so could be that. I get what you mean about routine the thing I'm noticing from what you've said is that the first gap is 2-2.5 hours. The rest of the day it's 2 then the one before bed is 4. Id personally aim for the first one to be shortest. Try for a little longer in-between and bring bedtime a smidge earlier (30 mins) cos if they only manage 2-2.5 during the day 4 hours I'd a bit jump. Id be aiming for 3-3.5 gap instead. You may find that tweaking times means they find it easier to cycle between as with such a big gap I'd suggest they are a bit overtired so more prone to waking.
I think it’s been going on too long to be a sleep regression, but I do accept this may not be helping matters. It’s about 2 hours ish but all depends on when she wakes. Bedtime is tricky as we also have the toddler and there’s no point putting her down before him (also not necessarily possible as we have to work around work schedules, nursery, etc and making dinner for everyone.) But sometimes she naps later and if she naps until 18:00 say (which is often the case when I do nursery run) we don’t get anything different. But I do agree that bedtime is late and it has been a thought we had. I just don’t know what options we have as if we do try and put her down before our toddler, he just wakes her up anyway when he goes to bed 😫
If you adjust all the naps then bedtime could stay where it is. If they woke at 6pm and you get the same with a bedtime at 8 that's probably cos that gap isn't long enough. Sounds like you need to work out something in-between like 3-3.5 hour gap. If nap ended at 6 then I'd try bed at 9/9.30. if bed at 8 works for the schedule id be aiming for last nap to end at 4.30/5
I wouldn’t say he’s a good sleeper. But he learnt to go to sleep on his own and stays in his own bed most the night. It was gradual where we’d stay in the room but move closer to the door.