Why do I care what my BD does?

You still love him girl it’s hard to let go

You’ll never be able to move on living in a situation like that. I understand it’s beneficial for everybody though.

@Payton I would like to move on but I think I’m scared. We have 3 kids together and I don’t want to split custody. He has a drinking problem. I’m scared something would happen. Also part of me feels he can change but it’s painful.

@Netta I’m saying, I wish I could let go tho I would so much happier

Im in the same boat. Found him Many times over at an old woman's home who's 1 a tweaker. Like does fentanyl but also she's old af and trying to get with him. She's got issues. Says he just helps her out with things she needs help with but she caused us to fight so much. But never could catch him cheating and he won't admit it. So I have no evidence to back my gut feeling he's been cheating with her

@Kelly Mae I’m sorry to hear that, Ik it’s hard. that’s the thing tho we’re not together or intimate. We just live together and spend time together sometimes with the kids. We have tried to have a relationship many many times over the years but he always does something to mess it up I don’t trust him. So I don’t know why I can’t just move on with my life without feeling guilty

Im sorry girl. I completely get it. The guilt is what keeps me too. I think we just need to think about what our kids are seeing they will emulate. So if we want them to be emotionally mentally and physically happy, that's what we have to make our decisions on. I just always grew up if you're with a man and you have a child you stay no matter what unless there's adultery or physical abuse. Which I guess technically qualifies as I consider being in another woman's home past 9 pm and lying about it until your caught to be cheating so I should've left then and there other than him threatening to die if I leave idk what else I'm staying for tbh. But my suggestion. Go. Especially if you guys aren't really together anyway, you and your children deserve to be loved and be happy ❤️❤️ its 2025 let's ditch the low life men and be happy 😊

@Kelly Mae I love this, yes same I grew kind of similar. My parents always told me I chose him and it’s disgusting if I ever bring kids into the world by anyone else now so basically I felt stuck. I lost my virginity to him through rape. I said no but he kept going. I had a bad home life and I don’t know why I continued to sleep with him. I had really low self esteem and nobody to rely on. He cheated many times but my dad would say he’s just young. I couldn’t bring myself to an abortion bc of my beliefs and now we have 3 kids together. Now I feel like I will never have a chance at being a wife bc what society says about women with children. It’s hard

Omg girl exact same mindset and feelings. I did plan on trying for our baby since we were engaged. But the day before I found out I was pregnant I decided on leaving then when I found out felt I had to stay and work things out so I could have a man to help me raise her since he was the dad anyway. Stupid of me I know. But I felt there was no way another man would want me. I've been on dating sites off and on when we would be "broken up" but I would delete it because i felt wrong since I knew even though I thought we were broken up he didn't so I felt guilty. Well if you ever want a friend and someone to talk to im here for ya! I feel so much the same as you so I totally get where you're coming from!

@Kelly Mae oh and same about not having proof of physical cheating that’s why I guess I stayed too. But I would catch him on hookup sites, dating sites, and porn sights. He would always lie or talk me out of it. I didn’t believe but felt so stupid bc it took me so long to leave. In tell we had our 3rd now we’re back living together and it’s hard. But thank you, I appreciate it (:

Yessss the talking out of it part. Like I know he lying and he's a good manipulator but he's such a sweet talker and even tho I don't trust him, I still let him talk me into crap I don't believe 🙄🙄 what's the hardest thing is because going no contact is so difficult. I'm sat there wondering how his day is if he's alive if he's okay and I just end up calling him or he calls me and I answer. That's what always gets me going back. As of right now I'm leaving all or at least most communication up to him. Not me. If he wants to talk he can call if he doesnt we don't speak. And its helping me detach a bit by not constantly calling and checking in.

Honey, you deserve way better or even deserve to get comfortable in your skin of seeing other people too. It does seem like that's the game he's playing. Is the place or car or both in your name? Set your boundaries if need be. But make sure he doesn't walk over you. You deserve happiness and someone who will go above and beyond for you.

@Desiree thank you. The cars in his name & the apartments in my name. He does help with rent when I ask or if I need money he will hand it over and he does let me use the car whenever he’s not using it. I need the car for work can’t afford one rn and he just comes and goes as he pleases and just disappears he also lies a lot so he doesn’t hurt “my feelings” he lies about little things like drinking so I can’t trust him. I don’t even think we’re even each others type I keep thinking he’s sneaking around with the neighbors. It just sucks. I wasted all of my 20s with him :( I churn 30 Monday. So sad :( I feel like a failure