Feeling overwhelmed

My mother-in-law just got the call for a transplant, which is such amazing news. I’m truly overjoyed for her. Naturally, my husband wants to be there for her surgery and stay a few days afterward, and I absolutely think he should. At the same time, I can’t shake this anxiety. I’m too far along to travel, so it would just be me and my daughter here, with all of my family on the East Coast—just like his mom. I had a very traumatic birth experience with my daughter, and this time, I really wanted to do things differently. We hired a doula, I’ve learned what I can say no to, and we’ve talked about advocating for myself more strongly. But now, at 37 weeks, I’ve already been having contractions on and off since 36 weeks, and I’m scared I won’t make it to 40 weeks. I keep thinking about what it would mean to go into labor alone. My mom won’t be here—she’s across the country—and my brother’s wife is also expecting around the same time. I know my doula will be there, but the thought of juggling all of this, including care for my daughter, feels overwhelming. I want to be supportive of my husband and his feelings, and I know he should be with his mom—she has so many health challenges, and this is such an important moment. But emotionally, I’m scared. I don’t want to go through another traumatic birth without family support. And I can’t bring myself to share all of this with him because I don’t want him to feel guilty. So I guess I'm just sharing here to have opportunity for my feelings to be heard.

Show your support

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It does sound very difficult but I highly suggest you talking to your husband. Maybe he can make arrangements to return quickly. Can anyone in your family travel to be with you for a while? Do you have any friends that could help out? Maybe someone in your husbands family can come over to help you. Praying for you to have an easy and smooth labor and delivery with all the love and support. And that you go into it with a peace of mind.

@Dolly he plans to be back fairly quick. It's a total of 4 days including the 2 travel days (so only 2 full nights). If I share how I feel I genuinely believe he won't go. And I can't bring myself to do that knowing the state of her health. And unfortunately not, we live a fairly quiet life, hence trying to get out more and make local friends using peanut. We do know a few parents from school activities and the park, but no one we'd be comfortable asking to watch her. We moved out to the west coast for work so everyone is back east. My mom's not an option she and my dad came out briefly last week. My sister flies in next week, and then my uncle around my actual due date. Until then it's just the 3 of us. My husband is aiming to leave within the next day or 2 to try to get there before she goes into surgery. I really want baby girl out, but just hoping she waits a bit longer, during this time. And thank you for the well wishes. ❤️❤️❤️

You are so sweet to your husband and mil. Of course you want what is best for her and the timing is not ideal but he is your main support now, you are his primary family so it’s okay for you to communicate that this is just not the time to travel even though the circumstances are so out of the ordinary. Does your mil have a husband that can be there for her? Or other children that can support her? If the answer is yes, reassure your husband that she will be well taken care of and you are in need of that same care from him given y’all’s situation.

I love that your husband wants to do that but I agree with Monique. If she has anyone else that can come visit her, then he needs to be there for you instead. And honestly even if she doesn’t have anyone, there’s nothing that can be done about her situation for him to help, other than emotional support. And he can do a lot more helping you. It sounds like he’s your only support, he should be there for you and go see her after baby is here. Wife, in my opinion, always comes first in hierarchy of family. Maybe I’m biased because I gave birth at 37+0… I didn’t think baby would come that early at all but it’s entirely possible.

@Emily He really is my only suppprt. I feel like you both are right about trying to have a conversation about it. I also want to give a little bit of context as to why I really am hesitant. The last procedure that she got done she actually coded on the table. And thankfully they were able to get her back. But I would feel really selfish knowing how frail she is now, to ask him to not be there. Knowing that there is a chance that could happen again. He hasn't seen him mom in a little over 2 years. We are also in the process of trying to get things in motion to move back east to be closer to her because of how bad her health has gotten. I don't want him to resent me if something does happen and he wasn't there because of my nerves around this. I would feel even worse if I don't go into labor before he gets back. 😕

That really makes sense. I can 100% see your hesitation. It’s a tough situation to be in that’s for sure!

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