Venting

LOL back out immediately and elope.

Their generosity doesn’t give them the right to take over your wedding day. It’s about you and your husband. Not them. I’m still dealing with resentment from how my in-laws handled my wedding day. If I could do it again I wish I would’ve put my foot down. I’d advise you to do the same.

It’s your wedding at the end of the day. It should be how you both want it to be.

Them paying for the wedding shouldn't mean they get to make big decisions. However, it's their money and really they can put whatever conditions in place that they want to to give you the money. You would be completely in your right to argue their decisions but If you argue with them on these things then you need to accept that they may refuse to pay.

I can’t stand people who use their money to push what they want on to other people. Then if you say anything you’re ungrateful. If you refuse it you’re an asshole. 😑 My ex in laws did this constantly and with everything. We were constantly gifted things but it’s what they wanted or wanted to do. We were “gifted” a reception as our marriage present even though we eloped for a reason. Amazing right? I didn’t get to pick where, when, who was invited, decorations, cake or anything. I’m sorry I lied, I was able to choose what kind of cake not what it looked like. My daughter’s nursery? Nope. Grandma had already bought all the decor. Then she added some razzle dazzle. My daughter’s communion. I get a call. “Hi we want to pay for this but there’s a budget and this is what we want.” HUH? I’m not saying this is how they will be, but if you don’t nip it now and they are like this you’re going to regret not saying anything.

Oh god. Don’t take their money. This will be the start of a life of headaches.

it’s your wedding, so i think you should have the say not his parents. i’d say to them i appreciate your generosity, but this just isn’t what i want so we’ll plan it ourselves

There's no rush is there? Do you have time to Save more money and plan yourself with your partner.

Very rarely people give away money expecting nothing in return. When you let someone contribute, particularly a big amount, they feel entitled to make decisions on the matter for obvious reasons. Maybe they also think you are not going for an elaborate wedding because you are a grad student and they don't want you to miss out on this lifetime occasion. Regarding your fiancé, yes, it could be a red flag depending on how you tend to solve problems, what you agreed and how clear you both were about it. Maybe your fiancé doesn't see a big deal to have extra people at the party, but you are fuming. Men can be like that, more chill and unaware, not necessarily a red flag. He assumes you will understand the changes as easily as he did. But if you both were strict and clear about the amount of people each would be inviting, he should try to honour it and get his parents in line. If you have discussed already recently how unhappy you are with those numbers and he shuts you down, yes, it is a red flag.

No no, this is an indication of what is to come! If they're this controlling over a wedding, imagine what they'll be like if you have kids 😳

His parents and family got an idea of how to run these social events. To make sure they have a say and are able to include the people that matter to them, they are absorbing the costs. If you don't want them to have a say at all, which is completely valid but a bit tactless, is to not accept their help. But forseeing "this" was going happen, the right time to do that was at the beginning. Not now. At this point you are going to ruffle some feathers. I think you got a lesson here. Accept someone else's help only if you agree beforehand the degree of involvement of each part.

Just because they're paying for it doesn't mean they're in control of what happens, who comes ect, it's still YOUR wedding, not there's. Talk to ur partner about it see what he says, and don't let them push u around. Stand ur ground, it could be the start of things to come if u don't put ur foot down now