MIL not listening

He can block her too?

Girl ignore her. You said no. So if someone shows up to your house, turn them away. Sounds simple to me. The only way she’ll learn boundaries is if you enforce them.

If anyone get there send them back regardless if she paid or not. Ignore all her messages.

Have him block her and tell her that you are feeling harassed at this point. Tell her: NO IS NOOOOOOO! In capitals and communicate your desire to block her contact with you if she continues to bother you. Tell her you feel this pressure is giving you anxiety and that is not beneficial for the baby so you have decided that if she continues to talk about it, you will just block her

@Charlie If only it were that easy. He is a victim of her emotional manipulation, verbal abuse and narcissism. If he blocks her, she will make things worse for everyone. He can’t avoid her either. They work in the same place.

@Kris She keeps getting keys made. Even if I am not home, she can turn up and let them in.

Change the locks

@Ana Moore I try to ignore her. When I do, she turns up at my house. It’s fine if I’m in but when I am not, she lets herself in and waits

How can she make a key without having the original? You need to get a doorbell with camera and tell her that If she enters your premises or brings people without your permission that you will call the police, you have said no and that's that

Unfortunately she won’t stop until one of you go crazy on her. You are pregnant and your husband needs to get his big boy pants on and protect his wife and his child. I would change the keys and let her know that if she send anyone in you will not allow them to enter. I think making sure she has no access to your house is the first step here and your husband needs to get a new place to work if yall want peace unfortunately

@Jodie Already got all that. I have home surveillance, too. Doesn’t help. I think she found one of the spare keys the last time the lock was changed. I was not home at the time. My DH definitely won’t be pleased with me calling the Police on his mum…

Does you husband work in the family business? What does his dad say about all this? Change the locks and make your husband have his keys around his neck on a lanyard so she can’t take his and make copies.

Wow! You don't necessarily have to call the police, but maybe stating it as the consequences of her crossing the boundary will be enough to stop her. But yes, if you threaten it you have to follow through.. Also, maybe you should get a fingerprint or coded door lock.

The cops wouldn’t send her to jail or anything, they would make sure the workers don’t start the job if the homeowner is not allowing it. Unless you are willing to make things extremely uncomfortable she won’t stop.

@Neena He works in Cardiac Surgery. They’re all Doctors. His Dad doesn’t know about a lot of it. I can’t talk to him privately because my MIL is always around or he is travelling for work. The only way I can contact him privately is via his work email - which I’d rather not do. I do want to talk to him about the texts she sends. Mostly the abusive ones towards my DH when she doesn’t get her way. My DH and him don’t have a close relationship so he is reluctant to open up about what has been happening. His Dad is observant of the things that happens in his presence because he shuts her down when they’re alone. The problem is, she will then contact us to say it’s our fault. I have suggested going down the legal route to my DH. He is worried about the repercussions for us because of some of the things she has said. He is also worried about what will happen with his Dad once he finds out the real extent. This will be the 4th lock change. I’m so fed up of it.

@Ana Moore This would be a domestic incident under UK Law. Different rules apply. She would be arrested and taken to Custody. She would then be interviewed and potentially charged even if I and my DH do not support it. Given it is not the first time, it is even more likely that someone would push for prosecution - especially since I am classed as vulnerable. Other factors are considered, of course. However, there is a reporting procedure that has to be followed.

Put a lock with fingerprints or passcode. I assume they work in a hospital and they can be strict professionals even if you ignore her. Let her talk, yell, complain to everyone. One of you needs to be crazier than her

Well its her own fault regardless. Your husband can decide to protect your peace during this pregnancy or allow you to do whatever it takes. I bet she would think twice before going over your word if she got a sleepover in jail 😂

I know it's not this simple, but I think it's a good way to lay it out.. If you are willing to live like this for the rest of your life, then continue the way you are and let her do as she pleases and that's just your, your husband and children's life (don't forget they learn respect by seeing and experiencing it through you and your husband). Otherwise, you need to do something whether that is talking to your FIL and telling and showing him everything (which honestly your husband should already be doing, omitting things that he would like to know his wife is doing is not fair or right for your FIL), or you threaten and then call the police the next time it happens.

@Jodie She can’t live forever, right? All jokes aside, there’s a chance we are moving away this summer. I am kind of hoping that we do because she won’t be able to uproot her life to follow. That’s something she has said before and my FIL immediately shut her down. Still, I hate the idea of having to move just to get away from her. I like my life here (for the most part). I’ll try to convince my DH to talk to his Dad. It might take a while. If not, I’ll have to find a way to meet with him in private.

@Ana Moore She’s so intense that I feel bad about when he does protect me. He takes a lot. He is told that he is pathetic, fat, useless, that he will never get anywhere in life. I hate it. Sometimes I feel like I have to take the pressure off because I wouldn’t be able to stand it if he hurt himself. I want him to live a happy life. I want to protect him, too. I can’t without potentially losing him.

Im so sorry, I can’t imagine what is for him to have a mom like that. Do what you have to do to keep his mind sane then girl. Moving might be the best decision and you will build a life that you love even more. None of you deserve to live years like that.

That's so hard! I'm sorry your family is going through this. Sending you strength and peace 🙂

How is she getting keys made to your home? Change the locks and don’t give her a key. Either I’m missing something or you and your partner are allowing this behavior to fester. Boundaries girl! I had to teach my mom. And it started with her discomfort and me having to be stubborn.

@Kris I can’t be certain. The last set of my DH’s keys are nowhere to be found. He met up with her for lunch whilst I was at work. Thankfully I got back before he did, but he couldn’t unlock the door. Maybe she took them out of his bag. I really couldn’t say.

@Ana Moore Thank you for your kindness and advice. I’ll look into the fingerprint locks and get some quotes 😊

@Jodie Thank you so much 😊

Incog what is she wanting to install inside your home? Also you mentioned about her wanting you to live with her and FIL so she has access to your baby. She sounds unhinged, is there any way you could stay at your parents’ house instead?

@Neena A new heating system. There’s nothing wrong with our current one. My DH has to be within 30 minutes of his hospital for emergencies and on-call shifts. My parents’ home is 2 hours away. It wouldn’t work for him outside of his paternity leave.

When you say a new heating system, do you mean something like Hive? Or are you talking about new radiators in every room? Is she paying for it? I would be more concerned that it was a ruse to actually install something like hidden cameras, because why is she wanting to do that if you’ve not requested it? 🤔

@Neena Radiators and pipes. We have an air heating system that works by circulating hot air through vents. She wants to rip all of that out and have radiators installed in every room. She said she would pay for it. It’s about control with her. She didn’t get her way with us moving in. It doesn’t matter to her that both of us and FIL have all said no. If we can’t be at home, she thinks we will go to her. She wouldn’t get very far with installing hidden cameras. We have concealed cameras in every room. She doesn’t know about them because she is part of the reason they were installed. Though, if she did try, it would make great evidence for court.

Change locks on home, or if she books work men, don’t let them in, she will loose the money but that’s on her. Also why does she have so much power to where she’s previously contracted work on your home before despite you saying No, does she own the home you live in? Or helped finance it? If so, do your best to pay her back as it clearly wasn’t a gift if that was the case. You could also play her game and state you think her living room should be neon green for example and you were thinking of booking the workmen to carry out the work. State it shouldn’t take more than a day so I will schedule it for when your at work 😏

@Rashelle That story is long and exhausting to explain. The cliff-notes are that my DH and I were planning on getting work done in the house. I had hired my friend’s company to do it. She caught wind of the works when she came over one time - at this time, she had an emergency key to get in (which was given to her by us). I was in hospital, when I came back, the works had been started. My friend’s workers were not due to be there for another couple of weeks. She had hired another company without consulting us because she “thought it would be helpful”. The reality was that this was the first incident of trying to move us into her and my FIL’s house. My DH flipped. We had no water because they had shut the mains off and ripped out the pipes. Her emergency key was taken away. The only reason he didn’t pursue it further was because of Court. The works took 4 months to complete. During this time we had to be at my their house because of my DH’s work situation. It was hell.

@Rashelle No, she doesn’t own my property. She didn’t contribute financially. She has no entitlement to anything. She does things because she knows my DH won’t pursue her with formal action. It’s manipulation. Playing her game is a risk. I’d rather have nothing to do with her.

Ok all makes sense and I understand especially since your DH already struggles with her shit with his job stress isn’t good so understand. She sounds like a piece of work I’m so sorry. So she wants to force you into her home before baby gets here so she can lecture you on everything, and shit all over any boundaries you put in place. Nightmare