I just want to cry

Have you spoken to him about this at all? I don’t think it doesn’t sound bad, I think it sounds like a nightmare. I think you do need to put your foot down a bit more but a lot of this comes down to what your husband allows as it will be easier if you’re on the same page..

You need to put your foot down, this is your child and you are the mother. MIL's tend to take over so you need to nip it in the bud tbh.

100% agree with the commenters above, I would absolutely speak to your husband about it because that actually sounds emotionally exhausting to deal with especially after a long day at work. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that!

We have spoken about it. But he feels like our LO is the only thing that keeps his family happy. He says they literally live for her…which is so weird putting that much on a child. They SILs are not married and have no children so they are really depressed about that he doesn’t want to upset them. If they were different kind of people it would be somewhat okay. But they are so controlling and so possessive it’s so hard to handle being around them. Yes MILs do tend to take over. But I have a MILs and SILs that take over. I also feel like my MIL takes a back seat a little because she feels like she gets the maternal grandmother feels through her daughters and my daughter. If that makes any sense? What I mean by that is my SILs act like my LO mums and my MIL acts like a grandmother with her daughters. Not sure if this is making much sense. But I feel so trapped with them.

God, that actually sounds like your husband is a pushover and they’re just possessive over your child. I’m not one to suggest therapy straight off the bat but this sounds like it might be needed. “They literally live for her” that’s SO much pressure to be put on such a little child, like I feel like that’s actually really creepy.

Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this. Please don’t feel like you have to lessen your experience. It is an awful one to have. I’m going to give you some tough love from someone who had similar experiences. YOU have to be the one to stop this. From what you have written, your Husband is not going to be helpful at all. He is enabling their behaviour. It is not okay for ANYONE to prevent you from seeing YOUR child. It is not okay for ANYONE to tell you how to parent YOUR child. It is not okay for you to feel uncomfortable by someone else’s actions. Your SILs have no right to your child. They do not get to play mum just because they do not have children of their own. Please speak up for yourself. You should not have to live like this. If they cannot respect you, they shouldn’t be involved at all.

100% agree with Shaq, you are going to have to advocate for yourself. It sounds really tough, but you might look back on these days and regret not saying something when your LO is grown up, you don’t want to feel robbed of her childhood and enjoying it because of them. It doesn’t have to be confrontational, but you do need to take back control a bit. Only you know how to do that in a way that will work for you and your family. It’s also a lot of intensity for them to be putting on a child. You’re within your rights to take LO off them entirely and into daycare or just your mum, she’s your child, but if you don’t want to do that then start smaller by putting your foot down at pick up time. It sounds really tough though so you should speak about it with people you’re close to for their advice too

I cant explain how strong these woman are. How controlling they are. I am just not like that at all I try for time to time but never works. I would love to stop her going over but she is my husbands daughter too and I love him so much I would never do that to him. I just wish they weren’t like that and I would have shared so much of our lives. Instead they push boundaries. Break boundaries. Act like victims and never think they are in the wrong. It’s not my job to put his family in their place. It’s my husband. But he would never even if he knows they are wrong. He will say ‘yeah but they love her so much’ Yous are right something needs to change though because it’s really messing with my mental health. I have never been someone who struggled with mental health now I feel so much anxiety with them and on edge.

I can’t speak for everyone but I feel we all understand. Frankly, if you’re going to wait on your Husband, it may never happen. You also have a responsibility to advocate for yourself. For example, I suffered from postpartum depression. My MIL would call me mental and make me feel like I was incapable of looking after my baby. She used to insist that I allowed him to sleep with her and that she should be able to have him when she wanted. When I said no, she called me mental and told me I don’t know better. She would then forcibly remove him from me. My Partner would speak up for me, of course. However, all that meant was she was more secretive about saying these things. It took me speaking up for myself for the message to sink in that I wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. You have a duty to yourself. Sending warm wishes ☺️

I forgot to add: You are a strong woman. You have dealt with horrible behaviour for so long. It is natural you feel this way now. They probably perceive you as weak, which you most definitely are not!

I think you have a few options: 1. Speak with your husband and make him see why it’s important. His loyalty should be more to you his wife not more to his sisters. You’re the mother of his child. Unfortunately I get the impression they won’t respect him saying anything either.. 2. Stand up for yourself and create an environment that you’re more comfortable with. Be as pleasant or confrontational as you need to be - it’s your child. 3. Accept that things may not change and find small wins in little things that go your way. It may not be like this forever, and as LO grows up it may be nice to have aunts (but equally you don’t want to be undermined when your LO is old enough to understand)..

I think you’re in a tough situation but I disagree that it’s his job to speak to his family, they’re your family too now so you shouldn’t feel bullied out of enjoying your daughter’s childhood. Maybe just start small with earlier pick-ups, saying no to things like Disneyland as ‘you’d rather go on holiday as immediate family and don’t need aunts or grandparents along but thank you’, if they try to make a decision without you then put your foot down on that specific thing. It doesn’t have to be a confrontation, but I’m not sure anything will change without you forcing it

Yeah, that’s not okay. You’re not their surrogate. You are her mother. I understand they love and adore her that’s great! But if you want to hold your child you extend your arms and say to your LO come to mommy. You will regret not standing up for yourself and missing out on those precious experiences.i would say oh it’s okay i will go take LO on rides and you guys can have fun on the coasters. By saying that you are lettting them know you are not backing down and will be there.

You feel as though your MIL is acting as if she is seeing her daughter’s parent on their “daughter” when she is your daughter. So she won’t chime in or take her away from them but she will taker your daughter away from you? That’s freaking weird….

You’re absolutely right it’s not your job but it seems like your DH is not going to set the boundaries with them as you said he feels bad for them. So your left with options to either continue to let them steal those precious memories from you and regretting not using your voice or stand up for yourself by setting boundaries and you getting your daughter from them when you arrive to pick her up.

Any chance you can quit your job and just survive on one wage until your child is school age? Or change jobs for a night one so you can spend the days with your little one? Basically limiting as much time with them as possible and hopefully just a few hours at the weekend. You also need to put on your big girl pants and stand up for yourself. Fuck what anyone says or thinks, you think after doing a full day’s work and wanting to see MY child, anyone would be able to stop me? Hellllllll no! 😤 I would literally ask once where mi child was and if anyone tried to block me they’re getting shoved out the way. Or worse. What’s your husband’s relationship like with his sisters? What’s the age difference?

It sounds actually terrible. Boundaries mist be set with them. They don't get to decide if your child goes to Disneyland or what you can do or not around your kid. Take your control back and be clear. When you get to pick your kid there, pick her and leave. They don't have a word. Your kid is not responsible for your in laws happiness. This is toxic af. They can go find a life and get back to have a SANE relationship with you and your kid. Just say NO. No justification. NO Disneyland, no putting you away around your kid. NO as a full sentence. They sound horrible and very toxic. I m very sorry your husband doesn't back you up on this. He definitely should and he is part of this toxicity. He doesn't protect you and your kid and that's not ok

Im sorry what? So you have spoken to your husband and he feels LO is the only thing that keeps his family happy? Ermm you didnt have baby to keep anyone happy. You and LO are his family now and they way you feel should matter to him. Im sorry to sound harsh but you need to get a voice and let everyone know you are LOs mother and no one will take LO away from and tell you how to parent and if they continue then you stop them being around your LO as much as they are and tell your husband thats how it is until people treat you right

I’ve had a lot of experience of this. You feel bullied in a way by their behaviour. You must be brave and assert yourself as the Mother of the child whilst simultaneously being as tactful as possible. Especially in those special moments. In your Disneyland example, you would say something like “Thanks, I would like the chance to do other stuff but I will go on some rides with [LO] too. Not going to get the chance to come here again..” If they insist, simply repeat yourself. Stand like a pillar of stone until they get the message - YOU ARE THE MOTHER. For that, they must afford you that respect. It is hard but you have to teach people how to treat you. You clearly are considerate to your SILs not having children and wanting to spend time with your LO, but if you don’t assert yourself now, it will continue. The only thing is that you may get backlash, ie. your MIL and/or SILs reporting back to your husband about you. Message me if you need. Been there, done that, worn the T-shirt! X