Pleasee read. Advice or something please...What would you do? Kid did something they aren't supposed to and lied about it... preteen

Okay so my daughter is 11 and the rule is NO social media. I'm going to give a little background info real quick. My daughter is like low level autistic and has big meltdowns that are honestly scary. And also has had so much friend drama and sad moments where friends left her or betrayed her... she lost another close friend recently on roblox. . And so she told me a new group of roblox friends came around. The issue is that was a lie. She is on Instagram. I figured it out this morning snooping while she was in the bathroom. I took some time to let myself be upset. I logged in to her account on my phone to spy on what she is doing on there. It's a group of friend and her. I don't know the ages but not all girls... and they are having normal chats w eachother. I'm upset about her lying but I'm wayyy more upset about her getting an Instagram. It's just NOT allowed. I think I might just delete the account while she's asleep tonight and try to block the site from her computer... I'm scared tho. She's probably going to have a meltdown or 3 about that i mean ppl she's getting to know who comforted her after another friend ditched her and here I am taking that away. I know maybe I shouldn't feel bad but I do. Also what if she breaks her computer. Or threaten to harm herself again... she uses comp for homeschooling and she hasn't mentioned suicide at all in a year and a half but so much sad friend stuff could trigger her. What would you do?

Show your support

Id confront her on the lie. Maybe you need to hide anything expensive ahead of time so she cant break it.

I would not delete the account - there are memories there too. I would speak with her while on a walk in the nature so she can't break stuff and the environment should help calming her down

@Adele I thought about that too (not deleting it). But I can't let her have an Instagram either. . I feel awful... if she met these people on roblox I feel it's safer for her to speak to them there if at all. I found out one boy is older than 11 and that's not ok. (I just don't know how old). As far as I know she's had the account for only 2 days but she's spoken to these hopefully kids a lot on there

I would delete the account and see about getting a monitoring app. You'll have to confront her about it and be honest about monitoring her devices. Definitely put up anything you're concerned about her breaking beforehand. If she's in therapy, I would maybe talk to the therapist about it all as well.

My son is also 11 and I'd definitely not let him have SM, it's the same for my 15 year old, he isn't allowed it either! I'd sit down with her and explain the dangers of SM, and why pretty soon it will be banned for under 16s. She will say the usual "but I'm not doing that blah blah blah" but I stand firm on this with my teen (he wants Snapchat) but I refuse to allow it until he's 16.

Set higher parental control on devices as that will limit what they can and can’t access.

My advice would be…eleven is definitely too young for social media. Especially for an autistic child, due to additional vulnerability. Friend drama and lying about this is pretty normal at that age. Roblox is just about right for her to use just to play with peers, and even that should be monitored (chat feature can be turned off) Hide the device. Have the chat. Discuss dangers. Tell her she has lied so the ‘punishment’ is no access to device for set time. After set time (with good behaviour) give device back, but with socials removed. Speak with CAMHS re: suicide/mental heath. You have to protect her from the dangers of the world, even if she ‘hates’ you at the time my love.

Thank you guys 😩🙏🫶 I agree even if she is mad I must not let her have an Instagram at this age. She knew that was a rule of mine all along. We have spoken about it before and she knows why as well. I think at her age she just doesn't take it seriously. Her computer is all she has right now so I won't take it away unless she completely flips her lid on me. She uses it for Netflix and roblox and making pintrest boards and homeschooling. What I've done is just blocked the site off of her computer. She may figure out how to unblock it because she's very smart. The reason I don't use parental controls set up on any devices is that they block soo much stuff that I'm actually okay with as well as what I'm not. I just think it would be a shock to her system to be extremely restricted and have her content geared towards even younger things when she had access to certain movies ect before. I don't want to back track what I've given her. I just don't want her going into the social media part of things of course

I'm afraid of her wrath when she wakes up and realizes the site is blocked :( This really sucks. I wish someone else could be the adult here instead of me being the only one. She's going to be so upset I wish I didn't feel guilty. This is going to be a hard day 😞

Update guys::: if anyone cares.. I unblocked it and im waiting to do something about it until i get professional help ready. I found out she was mentioning suicide to the friend 💔 and also that the one friend said they are 18.. and she lied that she is 17. She's had the account longer than I thought also so they have been chatting for 3 months.. I just don't want to push her over the edge and have her harm herself. I'm too afraid. I'm pretending I don't know ans hoping to get crisis counseling to help me create a plan on Monday 😭🤞🤞🤞

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌

‌

‌
‌