Broken

I have a husband who works hard, pays the bills on time! Comes home, helps with kids. Loves his kids. He wants sex. The last 3 years of our marriage was not good. I found out he was flerting with his coworker. They had this special relationship for 3 years. Messages on snap etc. Nothing ever happened physically ( I found out conversations, messages and I can tell it wasn’t to that level) but my trust was broken. He is a man who thinks work, bills. He never thinks about buying me a gift, he never pays attention to my feelings. Emotionally I feel empty. I can’t talk about childhood trauma. He takes all the info and throws it back at me with the worse possible way. He can get nasty, bully, offensive. I am tired. I feel broken. I have stopped smiling. Years after years with him and having 3 kids, have sucked the life out of me. I don’t have patience to listen to my kids. Even them laughing loud it hurts my brain. I overthink. Divorce sounds so difficult. I know I will never be strong enough to do it. Who am I kidding?! I wish sometimes he can get up and leave and disappear. That way I will not be judged I left a good man. I can’t handle the judgment. If he can just disappear, run away with somebody but that is something he will never do. He is too comfortable to leave this life. He had his bestie all these years and enjoyed work life while bullied me for being a stay at home mom for 3 years. I can write a whole book. He doesn’t drink, he doesn’t spend, he cuts the grass, gets the job done. He is not physically abusive. It’s not that bad but today seeing my neighbor coming home with flowers for his stay at home wife made me jealous. I think often what if there is a man out there who can come and make me and my kids happy? Am I a shity person to say that? My kids are happy with their dad but they are tired of us arguing. They have lost their fun mom. I can barely have long conversations with them. I am exhausted :( I don’t know what to do.

Show your support

If your daughter came to you years from now and told you this was her life, what would you say to her? Would you tell her, ‘Well, he works and pays bills, so it’s not that bad’? Or would you tell her she deserves to feel loved, valued, and emotionally safe? Because right now, you’re telling yourself that basic adult responsibilities make up for the fact that you’re emotionally neglected, disrespected, and drained to the point that even your kids’ laughter feels overwhelming. That’s not just exhaustion. That’s a soul-deep unhappiness that won’t get better by waiting it out. You say divorce sounds difficult, and I won’t lie to you. It is. But do you know what’s also difficult? Living every day feeling broken. Watching your kids grow up in a house full of arguments and learning that love looks like exhaustion and quiet suffering. Thinking of yourself as too weak to leave when, in reality, staying in misery is far harder than leaving could ever be.

You say you will never be strong enough, but you already are. You’ve carried this weight for years, mothered your children through your pain, and kept going despite feeling like you have nothing left. That is strength. Leaving wouldn’t make you weak. It would make you free. You say you don’t want to be judged, but the people who would judge you for choosing peace over suffering, do their opinions really matter more than your happiness? More than your kids growing up in a home filled with love instead of tension? You already know he won’t leave because he’s comfortable. He is fine with the life that is breaking you, and that should tell you everything. You’re not a bad person for wondering if there’s someone out there who would love you better. You’re human. You crave the love and care you’ve been denied for years. But don’t wait for a ‘what if’ to save you. Save yourself. Your kids don’t just deserve a happy mom. You deserve to be happy too.

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