Im an emotional wreck. Please help. What would you do if there is a situation needing action but your child has threatened bad things? Scared of pushing them over the edge so I feel at a loss. Please read:(
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This is the current solution ideas I've got going:: 1. Do nothing to protect all of us from the results of doing something... which is not the idea I want but I'm that scared to consider it And 2. Create a fake scenario where the Instagram goes away and I'm not the enemy. So I figured she doesn't know my dad well at all. and I could change his name in my phone to a local police station and stage a call where he calls and says there's an online preditor connected to a computer in my home.. then says they were investigating an Instagram connected and saw stolen pictures and asks who uses the computer... asks for my license and ip address... at that point I'd take it off speaker phone and go downstairs (she's always upstairs)... 🤷♀️ I know it sounds crazy and my fear is that she will do something bad anyways:/
This is going to sound harsh and it may not give the best results as you will be the “bad guy” like you fear but you’re protecting your child. Tell her you know she’s been speaking to an adult man, that it’s inappropriate and dangerous, all online access is gone indefinitely. Yes you broke her trust reading messages and she broke yours creating instagram account, lying, and having an in appropriate relationship with an adult. She’s already self isolating and spiraling. Get in contact with her therapist and doctor to let them know what’s going on. Try to find age appropriate activities for her to socialize. I know it sounds harsh but she’s already been through one attempt. Isolating, lying, and inappropriate relationship is opening her for not only another possible attempt but child trafficking/sa, or abusive relationships when she gets older. You and her team need to work together on trust, building healthy relationships, and whatever else is going on with her.
My advice for you is, it’s ok to let your kids hate you sometimes. Nobody wants it but it’s better to have a child that’s alive, healthy, and hating you than one abused, missing, or dead.
@courtney But what if she breaks down and doesn't want to be alive anymore 😕 what if she truly harms herself or me and baby... I know I sound dumb because I'm the parent here but her mental health is scary and so is her anger I want to do the right thing but in such a delicate way I didn't mention but she is on the spectrum. I think if she was neurotypical I would handle it more matter of factly
If she does then you’ll be prepared for it and her medical team will be prepared for it. I agree being delicate is better usually but she’s already tried to harm herself and is putting herself in harms way more. I don’t mean to sound insensitive but lying and hiding an instagram account to talk to an older man is a version of self harm, I think she’s already in a bad place just acting out differently.
This is actually insane . She’s 12. She’s homeschooled and expresses loneliness as well as your implications. Maybe she’d prefer to be in school so she has a social life. She’s seeking more and using the internet to do so. You’re afraid of her? Just be a mom and let her know you are there for her, what would help… just TRY. Don’t violate her privacy right now by telling her you know these things. Feel free to message me no judgement. My SD is 13 and the emotions are strong and it’s all about how you speak to her and being mindful
@courtney thank you I think you have a good point there. I don't feel prepared 😕 I'm going to try to get prepared fast tho
She doesn't know yet that I know about her secret Instagrams or that I'm logged into them watching. It's all making me sick, angry, worried, and concerned, tho and I know I need to figure out a solution soon. I've spoken to her in depth about internet safety before and she's not dumb about it which I think is why she wouldn't use her real photo and also told people she lives somewhere she doesn't. Still tho.