Am I right to be offended?

I would've told her off 🤷‍♀️ Then again, that's why I don't have friends. No one likes hearing the truth lol

I think that she may just want you to give up your job so she can have someone to spend time with. As a SAHM myself I know it’s SO lonely. So I wouldn’t take what she’s saying as an insult to you or your parenting. She honestly does probably just want the company. But I’d tell her to stop commenting on whether I work or not. Let her know it’s not a subject you care to bring up with her anymore.

It's 1 thing if you asked her opinion on what to do but you clearly didn't and I'd be telling her to get in her lane and if she continued her b.s I'd distance myself. If you enjoy your job, I wouldn't quit. I wanted to go back to work but for us it wasn't financially worth it bc cost of childcare.

I commented in the Polls but my opinion is your friend should keep her comments to herself , it seems from what I read you are doing really well for yourself & I think it’s healthy for you to get out the house & work . Nothing wrong with/ bringing extra money home. If you feel comfortable maybe try talking to her ? Secondly , while reading this I was intrigued what do you do for work ?

Right OK so she's telling you that you need to quit your job to be more present with your kids, yet she's a SAHM and has a full time nanny how does that make sense 🤣🤣 I'd definitely comment on her situation if she feels she can just comment on yours like that and make you feel like you're doing something wrong. Personally, I do feel like it's important to spend lots of time with your children while they're little I think working part time is a good balance but you live your life how you want to

@Sachelle I’m a Lawyer

@Becky Yes, definitely. It is super important to be a present parent! I will be going down to 3 days but still working full-time hours. I can spend the same days with my DH and our children that way

I feel sorry for your friend that she has a man who complains about that. Obviously take care of the house as a sahm but if I choose not to do something my man doesn’t complain he does it. Also I do agree that every mom should have the opportunity to stay home. I know things are expensive these days but i believe that if a man can’t afford it he should get a second job or do anything he can to make it possible for her. I think bonding time is very important with mothers and children so I wouldn’t work because I would feel like it isn’t fair to my children. You’re a different person than me so it’s really just your choice vs what everyone else would do. Only you can decide what you think is doing your baby good. I wouldn’t worry about your friend I think she just has a hard time understanding why you would want to work.

@Fel She has a friendship group that’s mostly other SAHMs. They meet up pretty much everyday. I do think there’s a chance she is lonely for other reasons.

Your friend sounds like a judgemental, entitled cow tbh. She's 100% projecting aswell. She'd never admit it, but I'd bet my left tit that she's jealous of you and your career, so in order to justify her laziness and reasons for being at home, she encourages you to do the same. I'm with you on this, as I personally think it's really important to keep things for you and to not 100% rely on anyone else financially! I'd tell her what I thought because I couldn't help it!

I feel everyone is an adult and should be to their opinions without judging or getting at the other... this being an issue on either side is a waste of time and energy that could put elsewhere.

@L I would have also told her off and I have plenty of friends.. it’s people like that just aren’t worth keeping as friends. I love being a sahm, I only have one other “mom freind” that’s a stay at home also, the rest all work. I have never and would never tell my friends they “need” to stay at home and they would never tell me I need to work. Everyone’s situation if different and the people who try to tell you how to live YOUR life and parent YOUR kids don’t deserve your friendship.

@Ana This does seem a little sexist and outdated. By that standard, which is pretty much a 50s concept, she should be doing everything around the household. I don’t think it is fair to villainise her Husband in this situation.

Just because someone is a SAHM doesn’t mean they are a present mum. My friend works four days a week and is such a present mother and an amazing one, I am in awe of how she juggles it all. Could it be that your friend is wanting you to be the same as her? Maybe she is wanting another SAHM so that she can say to her husband “Well so and so is a stay at home mum”. I definitely think her comments are out of order

I think everyone should just mind their business and do what works for them individually and their family and just focus on that 🤷🏽‍♀️

Tbh ignore her and carry on with your life how best suits you as you are happy the way it is . I truly don’t like when people give advice as if they know the best ways! She’s advising from her perspective and she being a sahm is a waste since she’s not doing the sahm work (take care of kids cleaning or cooking), she’s delegating the work which means more expenses. She’s lazy and just want to have fun . You’re a responsible mom instead and shouldn’t let her advise you again like this. I’m a sahm and I do everything at home. Me being like this works out for our family in terms of saving for childcare and caring for family as my husband is home only at night to eat and sleep (chef). If I went to work we’d struggle. But being a sahm just to have fun is crazy

@CeCe Her Husband is the one that has been complaining to us. I don’t care about what she does. I can see why he is annoyed because she is costing them more than the help and he is coming home after a 12+ hour day and being told to do things. It’s at the point where she is trying to belittle me for it, but nothing would change if I were a SAHM. My first-born would still go to Nursery part time because it is important for him to socialise. My week would be the same asides from a lack of work. I try to stay out of their business. My DH is his friend so it is hard to avoid things sometimes.

I don't think you should be offended but I do think if she's being open with you how she feels you have every right to tell her the truth about how you feel about her situation...

Sounds like a nightmare 😓 I’m so sorry 🥲 Hate people who tell you how to live your life🥲 What works for them doesn’t always work for you 😅 My mum and sisters are literally like this, they just don’t get that I don’t have much money and just want to raise my son how I want to🙄

@Cheryl Yes, thank you! It really annoyed me because I spend so much time with my family outside of work. We’re always going on day trips, playing together at home, enjoying quality time. My first-born is such a happy child and it fills me with immense joy to be a part of his life. She was making me feel like I should be doing more, but I honestly don’t know what more I could do. I get that other people would want a different life to mine and that’s okay.

I think you should probably end the friendship. Are you taking some maternity leave? Nothing wrong with being a working parent, but just checking you're allowing yourself enough time to heal after your labour. Like it's not all or nothing, sahm forever or straight back to work. You could just take like 4 months off as maternity leave then go back to work.

@Ella Of course! There was zero pressure for me to go back. I had 15 months off with my first and will be doing the same this time around. Maternity leave is amazing. I will be enjoying every moment of it and getting used to the new situation. There’s going to be a lot of adjusting for us all but I am excited for it.

@Lucy I’m sorry you are experiencing this. I hope they come to realise that you are doing an amazing job and they should learn to keep their negativity to themselves!

Oh great, thats ages. Well when you're on mat leave, you're literally at home, I cannot understand why she's critical of you. I kinda thought maybe you're planning to go back to work after 2 weeks 😅 She just sounds like an unpleasant person. I wouldn't maintain the friendship.

Definitely, thank you 🤗

Is not the fact that I’m using an old standard is the fact that men are supposed to take care of women. Not because women can’t take care of themselves but because a real man won’t let you do it alone. We offer other things to men while men have to bring substantial things to the table to seem valuable that’s today’s society! The home belongs to everyone who lives in it so everyone should take care of it who is able. I’m just saying if he stepped up instead of whining she might feel like doing more instead of everything being on her and him just bitching. Her going back to work won’t make the house clean or dinner fixed if she’s not doing anything he don’t want to be the sole provider.

@Ana Again, still sexist. I’ll break it down: Being a sole provider does not make you a “real man”. Being a man is not determined by your financial position or contribution to your household. The household is taken care of by a full-time Nanny and full-time cleaner. She does nothing in the house, but he returns home from work to cook. The Nanny lives in so the night-time routine also falls on her. Despite this, he actively assists with the children when he is home. Where is her contribution to the household? By your logic, she is not a “real woman”. He has every right to voice his feelings. Everything is not “on her” because the work is outsourced. Let’s not put someone else down in order to justify your beliefs.

Don’t be offended - if she had brain she would understand !

She’s not a real woman for not contributing anything but that doesn’t mean she has to contribute everything but the money. Where does his manhood lie if not in being able to be to provide for his family. But you’re actively putting her down to justify your own beliefs.

@Ana I never said she had to contribute everything. I don’t care about what she does. Her household is not my concern. I’m simply not going to sit by whilst someone judges and tries to emasculate a hardworking person for not doing everything. I’m also not going to waste anymore time with someone that actively cannot understand how sexist their views are.

I think that’s fair seeing as how you’re sitting a judging someone for what goes on in their house while you’re saying their household isn’t your concern. Using a hot word to describe someone who is used to being taken care of is wild because I’m anything but. If her household isn’t your concern it should have no impact on your anger for her take that out of the conversation. Her commentary in relation to your anger is the only thing relevant not her household.

Your friend is rude... There is nothing wrong with you wanting to be at work and earning your own money! It's also an example of relationship to your children! Also, it takes a certain women to be a SAHM. I do not say this offensively! I admire any women who is a SAHM! But not everyone is cut out for it and I think there's no shame in that. Women should support and uplift in our choices because everyone is different 💕

Stating facts is not judgement. I did not provide any opinion on what she does. I never said it was “right” or “wrong”. The only place where my opinion may have been provided by saying I did not feel he was being unreasonable by what HE had said. He did not tell her he wanted her to do everything every single day. That’s on you for making assumptions. You also seem to think I am angry. I’m not angry, merely exhausted from having to explain things to a grown person outside of work. It’s my day off. My post was about me taking offence, not about how she chooses to live. As I said, I do not have time to waste, nor am I required to explain anything to you.

@Megan Yes, 100%. Raising children is not easy. Life is so unpredictable. Childcare is costly. Mental health is incredibly fragile. I would never judge anyone’s choice to work or not to work. My SAHM friends are amazing, as are my working Mum friends. All that matters is that they are happy and cared for.

My kid smacked my phone and clicked the second option but I meant the first lol

She needs to stay in her own lane. If you wanna stay at home, that’s your prerogative. If you wanna work, that’s your prerogative. No one can judge. Especially if everyone and everything is being taken care of.

I'm sorry, if you have a nanny and everything is catered to you and you don't lift a finger, you aren't a SAHM. You are a housewife.