😪😪

I don’t really know why I’m posting this I just need to write it out. My son has just turned 1 and I’m 29 weeks pregnant with number 2. I’m having multiple breakdowns a day and can’t stop crying, which is making me distracted from work when my job is already demanding / so many deadlines are overdue. It’s all just getting a bit much. My husband is supportive but it’s just not enough. I have bad PGP and have been struggling to do much / get out the house and it’s gotten my down, to the point where I feel so ‘distracted’ at being upset it’s making me bad at my job and making me a bad mum. I needed to walk the dogs this evening as my husband has been on back to back night shifts so wasn’t able to do it, he helped out extra this morning by taking the baby to nursery even though he should have been sleeping because I was upset / needed to go for a blood test for iron levels and was stressing about when I could possibly get it done. I picked my son up from nursery after work and he was so happy. Squealing at every person/child he saw on the way to the car then when I put him in the car seat he got so upset/was screaming. I cuddled him and managed to calm him down and as soon as we got home I put him in the pram to take the dogs out and he was really upset again. He needed to go to bed but I can’t walk them when he’s in bed and my husband isn’t back till midnight. In hindsight I should have left the dogs and played with them in the garden later instead but I didn’t, I went out and my little man was screaming the whole way. I picked him up at one point to carry him that worked but my pelvis hurts so bad I thought I’d just collapse so had to put him back. The dogs kept pulling me to one side which hurt so I had to yank the lead. I turned back and on the walk home I was trying to calmly shush little man while crying myself/trying to focus on breathing and just get through it. I just feel like I’ve let everyone down. He’s asleep now but was so upset after being so happy at nursery, the dogs weren’t out for long, I was blaming my husband in my head which isn’t fair - he genuinely didn’t have time today and has already helped me out so much / has this weekend lined up for me to have off completely as he knows I’m struggling even though he’s not very well. As well as upsetting my 1 year old I’ll have upset my baby who doesn’t even have a name / I don’t feel like I’ve bonded with because I’ve been so drained this whole pregnancy. She was planned and I just feel stupid diving in so soon but that makes it feel like I regret her which isn’t fair at all - it’s not her fault. I’m so upset tonight, the dogs are barking which keeps waking up the baby and I still have loads of work to do which I’ve promised will be delivered by this evening and I don’t even know how to concentrate. No point to this post at all - I just feel so sad and exhausted 😓 I’m luckier than most and hoping this weekend sorts me out to see this pregnancy through to the end and things will perk up but even having to get through till then feels impossible.