Please tell me I'm not overreacting.
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PS. Stop being a victim in your own story ...if he can date outside of the marriage SO CAN YOU! Go get your nails &/or hair done then put a little bit of makeup take some cute photo/selfies jump on Facebook dating or Badoo and tell guys you are in an open ENM relationship and watch the response you'll get. Stop look and listen to all the signs" your man" is giving and then mirror him .. watch he'll change his tune or not ..but either way YOU DO YOU!
I am sorry to say but you’ve allowed this. I’m not sure how you can get through this.
I think it's awesome that you guys are choosing to be open with your marriage. 18 years is a long ass time . Embrace it . Enjoy it . Enjoy yourself . Have your fun.
I agree with everything @Claudette ❤️ said. You gave permission so to that extent you cannot change the outcome but since you said it was fine as long as you knew everything and now he has switched the script do you and find yourself again 18 years is a long time. I went through something similar where he was living in the past for many years if you don't take control of the situation the open disrespect will continue. Get dolled up and paint the town he'll either change or won't but either way you are starting over on your terms living for you. Good luck
If he can’t respect your boundaries and comfort level about previous agreed upon rules (that you will know everything going on), then he should no longer be allowed to have another relationship and if he can’t abide, then it’s maybe time to consider a divorce.
Think about what you want. You deserve happiness. If this isn't working for you that is okay. Talk to him and let him this arrange doesn't work and if he cannot respect that than its okay for you to end your marriage and be with someone with the same values. Life is too short and you deserve to be happiness. I know this is all easier said than done.
Agreeing doesn't mean you have to stick with that forever. Close your marriage if that is not what you want. I would consider ending things, though. Usually someone looking to open a relationship is because they want permission to cheat. You said it has been on and off for 18 years. The communication sounds very poor (ignoring you?). He's bringing up things from the past that he's holding over your head. If you can access therapy, I'd strongly consider it because this sounds toxic and it might help to have a professional help you process things and see a healthier path.
Wow. I am very choked about everyone commenting saying you kind of deserve this for allowing it... I mean you did allow it but like any relationship, open ones have RULES and those must be respected. I m very sorry this happened to you. Yet, it seems like your marriage was rocky already years ago. Opening marriage can work only when you have a very stable and healthy relationship... You deserve better. Someone says, go get your nails and hair done and go dating whoever you want (or even better if you can, leave that toxic relationship).
I am sorry this is happening to you..but the truth is you allowed another person to enter your relationship and that's a real recipe for destruction 💔 I hate to say this but your man isn't your man anymore. Please in the very near future never allow a man to convince you THAT YOU'RE NOT ENOUGH regardless of how much you love him. He is using the past and your permission to do what he wants. Smh don't be a fool and allow him to play with your emotions and heart . If you don't take control of the situation it's just gonna get worse from here. I hope you can find the strength to become independent of him and not let him continue to disrespect you!