Please no judgement

I don’t think what you are thinking is cheating but I’m just a little confused on why you want a divorce if you say you love being married. Have you told him how you feel or tried marriage counseling? I personally would try everything to make the marriage work before getting a divorce. But if it’s not healthy/right for you then I would say definitely get a divorce.

Just curious why you stayed when he already had an affair

Men that emotionally check out are in rainbow land and unfortunately some never come back. I’m sorry, 😞 I hope that you have some sort of support system to help you

I am in the same mindset. Just more years into it and I would just rather be single at this point. I haven't left, and with how things are in the world, I won't be able to. I love this house. It's old and needs lots of updates, but we worked our asses off for it. Just in time, too. In 2015. Our little house we bought for 177k could now sell for $400k even with how much work it needs done It has a near mint condition, 23 yr old pool. Has space between the houses. You know, b/c it was built in 1984. No one is any danger here, so it isn't dire that the kids and I leave or anything. I'm self-employed, though. But yeah. I understand where you're coming from.

I love being married and having a family! I don’t like the single life. Divorcing and being alone scares me. We have spoken a million times. He tries to change but he is who he is. I am just tired of explaining how he needs to treat me. I just want to be treated well without showing him how to do it.

@Amy he cried and apologized a million times. We moved countries shortly after and I thought is a new beginning. 8 months have gone by and I am still hurt and messed up

@Elaina I have absolutely nobody. I think some times, if I were to separate and have a rough night, who is coming to support me? Nobody, I have nobody

I’m sorry that you are going through this right now, it sounds very difficult. I don’t know the details of your relationship but it sounds like you are feeling very hurt , burned out, lonely and isolated. You also mentioned you moved to a new country not long ago and you have 3 children to take care of! That’s A LOT to go through and is enough to be a breaking point for anyone! How are you managing day to day? What are you currently doing to take care of yourself? I am going on 14 years with my current spouse ( had a previous divorce ) , and come from a background with a lot of childhood trauma and abuse. Are you getting enough good sleep? Are you regularly giving your body good nutrients and staying hydrated? Are you regularly exercising? From years of yo yo-ing myself with proper care I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that when you are feeling burned out , exhausted, if you are not getting enough good sleep, proper nutrition regularly , and regular exercise as well as

Feeling lonely and isolated ( not having a good or any support system) any or all of these things are enough to make work against you thinking clearly on what you want and don’t want and leave you feeling doubtful and confused, unhappy and depressed.. when you’re depressed and lonely , you feel stuck and like you’re unsure of what steps to take .. and on top of all this you are dealing with the real pain of having been emotionally cheated on. That would be hard for anyone to process and overcome! I think that the first step is to go talk to a therapist . Let a therapist be your support , and help you work through some of what you’re feeling and at least start having some clarity, so you can figure out what combination of things have led you to feeling this way , is it all just your spouse? Is it also the fact that you maybe haven’t been able to look out and care for yourself like you wish ? Did you go through trauma in childhood ? A therapist can help with all that.

Also one thing that stood out to me was that you mentioned he would give you hell if you started the process of divorce. Do you feel safe with your husband or are you fearful of him/ are you in any physical danger ? The other thing to think about was that you mentioned you love being married. Ask yourself ; what was it about your spouse that attracted you to him initially? What was it that you fell in love with? Hope this all helps, and if you’d like and are comfortable, feel free to message me privately more. This being my second marriage and having gone through some similarities I could at least offer my insight from my own experience..