in March 2025 Babies 🇬🇧

Feel like I can’t win! Mum being there for the birth

I’m 40 weeks now and anxious about the birth of the baby (my first), but know I’ll be ok and get through whatever happens with the support of my partner. I’ve previously been set on my mum being in the room with us when I’m in labour and delivering but the last few weeks I’ve been having second thoughts and don’t want to feel overwhelmed by having too many people there - I’ve voiced this to my mum and said that we want to go with the flow and see what happens and how I’m feeling at the time as to whether we ask her to come in with us or if we ask her to give us some space during etc. I think this has upset her a bit, which I understand and appreciate, as we have previously planned for her to be there to help out with supporting me and my partner afterwards. But as the reality of giving birth has dawned on me, I don’t want to stress myself out by having her there and seeing everything that she obviously hasn’t seen for many many years and there being too many people there for me to cope with at one time. She said that she now doesn’t expect to be at the birth at all, which has left me feeling bad, but I’m just not sure whether I’ll want her there and think I’ll only know when it’s happening if I do. She’s been quite blunt and short with me today and I’m hormonal and sensitive anyways. Am I being totally unreasonable for going back on our original plans or does anyone have any advice?? I feel like the whole situation is just making me feel 10x more anxious!!

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It's entirely your decision. I had my mum at the birth of my first child and I realised having her there was making me more uncomfortable because she was so upset seeing me in pain. It made things awkward for me because I was trying to be strong for her but that shouldn't be the case. For my second child I decided not to take her which she was fine with as she realised it's actually hard to watch your child go through that. I had a much more pleasant birth where I focussed on myself and baby. Now with the third baby I won't be taking her again. I think you need to make a decision for yourself in this situation. I understand all mums want to be there and we love our mum's but this day isn't about them, it's your journey into motherhood. I'm sure once she meets the baby she will be so excited she won't care whether she was there or not :)

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all! Your mum’s reaction is a bit strong. I understand she is super excited but she also needs to remember that you have to do what is best for you in that moment. I think have a heart to heart with her, tell her you don’t want to upset her you’re just feeling overwhelmed. If she sees you get upset then she should realise it’s not all about her. And remind her you still want her help when baby is small!

You're definitely not being unreasonable in my opinion, I may not even have my partner in when it gets all a bit much as I feel I will cope far better with there being as few people as possible, hopefully just me and the Midwife. I've explained my feelings to my partner who completely understands, but like yourself, I will ask him to stay if I feel I need him with me. It's your labour and everyone around you should be helping to make sure you are as comfortable as possible, even if it's not their preference x

You should definitely only have exactly who you want in the room ❤️

A bit of a different situation as my mum was poorly and I have since lost her, but I had my mum there for my first birth and it was the most special moment for her to witness and also I treasure that so so much. I think I would have done so even if she was still here. I've now asked my MIL if she would like to be there for baby no 2 as I'd like her to experience seeing a grandchild being brought into the world. It is your own preference of course but thought I'd add my experience. In the moment it is the furthest thing you're thinking of re your mum seeing your bits 😂 in fact I got my mum to film it!

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