Fair or an overreaction?
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What stuck out to me the most is that you said he’s usually really good at doing dad stuff and doesn’t need to be told what to do and he waited until 10p to ask you for help. I know personally, when I wait until the very last minute to ask for help it’s because I’m freaking out lol So I’m wondering if you’re right in saying that he may be stressed or exhausted BUT if he’s going to ask for help or for you to complete a task for him then he’s gotta pick up the slack elsewhere in the house so you can focus. I get why you responded the way that you did. Thankfully there’s always room for repair!
@Lyndsie I may have explained poorly. I have tried to show him how to use the software. He finds it too fiddly and because he is Neurodivergent, it can be overwhelming. He gives me a hand-drawn diagram and I just have to replicate it as a digital version. They do not tend to take too long to do. Our LO is 2. He likes independent play but he will ask you to play with him. Catch is one of his favourite games. We also have pets (who really like to be around him) so I don’t like him to play or walk around the house unsupervised. I’m heavily pregnant and medicated, being in a public space is a bit of a nightmare. I was in our office but LO can open the door and it doesn’t have a lock.
@Stacey 🇵🇸 Yes, I’ve said that I need him to keep him out of the Office for the meantime. That’s all I’ve asked. I prepared lunch earlier for them both. He only has to give him that. I take a break every hour (for an hour) to help out with our LO and lay down for a bit. He really doesn’t have to do much asides from supervise LO.
I was going to ask if he has ADHD because I genuinely said "what's the problem? Sounds like me" 😂😂 Because it should seem so simple. I do think maybe he's a little stressed, because it's also the lack of energy to entertain the LO that exacerbated things
@Monét ADHD is one of the diagnoses 😅 I am quite lenient with him because he cannot always help it.
I think you're incredibly gentle and that's so helpful for him. But also consequences are a thing. He should know that helping him shouldn't overwhelm you, and that teamwork is the only way to get everything done. Maybe he can try harder to distract the baby or he can take the time to really learn the software. That's the only option
@Monét He cried the last time I tried to get him to use the software. It broke my heart.😔
Cried from frustration?
@Monét Probably that and feeling overwhelmed. He couldn’t get it how he needed it, all the different button and options on the software were confusing him, having to lock part of the image so that he couldn’t “ruin” it when he got things how he wanted, but then forgetting and “messing up”. He was hyper-fixating on some of the smallest details and getting worked up about it. He tried for a few hours, bless him. He took it really hard when he gave up.
"Hey, you're asking me to do this diaphragm for you and I'm happy to do it, but I can't do that and play with little one at the same time. So you're either going to have to step up and entertain little one or you're going to have to take over and do the diaphragm. Having yo handle both is overwhelming me. So what would you like to do?"
If you’re doing hi m a favour the least he can do is parent - it’s one of the other (not to mention he should be parenting anyway?!)
so one thing-asking for help, especially with something work related, should look a lot more like “hey can you show me how to use that software” not “hey can you completely do this for me” my overall opinion though is if this isn’t something that happens all the time, maybe there’s something more to it and it’s not a huge deal at the moment to just do it for him.. kids don’t always have to be entertained by us as parents either, so it’s not necessarily a problem if he doesnt want to actively play at the moment too. i would find somewhere quiet to go if he needs your ‘help’ in the future. go out and get a coffee and sit in a cafe to work or something!