today my partner called me abusive

Please don’t think I am judging by what I write. There’s a lot to unpack here. Firstly, it is clear you need a break. Is there somewhere you can go to get a few hours to yourself? Secondly, I can’t judge what your partner has said as I was not there. If it is frequent shouting, I would be concerned myself. It also depends on what you are saying whilst you are shouting. Your toddler cannot help a lot of things they do, shouting is not always the most effective way to deal with them. It could be that your partner has noticed it is frequent and intense. I would advise you to speak with someone about your mental health due to you mentioning depression. This is playing a huge role in your mood and how you are handling things. Sending warm wishes

Sounds like you are frustrated and you have no time to decompress. Maybe see if you can get your man to watch your son for couple hours and you go work your frustration out at a gym or go to your dr and let your dr know how you are feeling they may prescribe you something to help with your mood. Also maybe talk to a therapist or counselor about how you feeling. No judgement here but it sounds like you are taking all your frustrations out on your toddler and everyone which isn’t fair. I have been there and sometimes it’s like your hormones are raging out of control and you don’t know how to stop it. See if your man can take care of your child for an hour or two a day while you go out and drink a frappe or coffee or go to the gym or just to get out. It’s not healthy to never get time to yourself, though it happens, even if he allows you to have 2 hours break 3 days a week it’s better than nothing. You can go for walks with your toddler or go to a park.

thanks shaq, i know its not good. i hate myself for it. when i shout its things like stop, no, listen etc which doesnt work obviously but by that point its all bubbled over & i just feel like im gonna pop. im so overwhelmed all the time. the terrible twos are terrible two-ing and i just feel alone in it.

I completely understand. You need time for you. It will make the world of difference because it sounds like it has been a lot for a while. Your partner definitely needs to help you more when he is present. I get being tired from work (assuming her works),but he cannot pass judgement if he is not also trying to lessen your load. See if you can arrange some time for yourself later today or even tomorrow. Just do what you enjoy doing to relax.

Maybe have a play date with someone else and their child or children. If you don’t get help soon you may explode so bad and take it out on your child not meaning too and that would have bad consequences. You’re not a bad mom and don’t say your child better off with someone else you are just mad and angry. You need someone to help give you the tools you need to calm down and to figure out what your stressors are. You may be having some kind of manic episode or could be bipolar or could just simply be so frustrated that you never have any outlets to help you release all that frustration. You need to release your frustrations but in a healthy way. If you find your self getting mad or frustrated with your toddler. Put him or her in a play pen or crib if no one is around and step outside your door and take a minute or two and breathe. Inhale taking deep breath in and exhale slow do that about 5 times and see how you feel. Maybe get a drink of coffee or something to calm yourself down.

It’s ok if baby cries a little while you trying to calm down. You are a good mom but a tired mom. When baby sleeping you sleep the housework and all of that can wait. Also call up a friend see if you can hang out with them. Do something to retrain your brain to calm itself. As for your toddler don’t ever yell at them redirect them. If they are throwing things and you don’t like it take that toy away and hand them a different toy or move them to a different spot to play for a bit. Maybe throw some educational child show on, it may drive you crazy but keeps baby entertained some so you can get a little break. Ms Rachel is a good show for kids, or Dora the explorer or Blues Clues or Octonauts or Bubble Guppies or paw patrol or something with colors and music. I hope things get better for you. Sometimes we just get exhausted and seems like no one understands and your man hears you shouting but what he doesn’t hear is your cry for help. Sit down and talk to him let him know

Let him know why you are so frustrated and explain why you need a break and need his help. Some guys don’t understand or get it. You got this momma you just need a break and get into someone to talk too. It’s ok to ask for help we have all been there. Hope this helps.

Shouting can be a form of abuse if it's happening a lot. Is your partner offering to help? How does he parent or deal with difficult situations when your child is not listening? If he's just pointing out what you are doing is wrong but he's not showing a better way, that's not helpful! I was doing this for a period and I felt bad about it and realized it doesn't work but my partner also pointed it out and at first I didn't want to hear it because um hello, I'm the one with her all day...but really he was right...yelling is not a healthy form of parenting or getting any point across. I grew up around yelling and I also hate being yelled at so it's hypocritical. Not saying it's easy to just get a toddler to listen...it actually takes a lot of patience and active will power to fight our immediate urge to get frustrated. But we are the adults and if we struggle to control our emotions I can't imagine how it feels for a toddler. We have to learn and show them better ways. You can do this! Even if he doesn't help!

I also want to add that I have been going to therapy which really helps and since I have been working on being more even tempered I find I am looking at frustrating situations as teachable moments, not just for my toddler but for me too. It just takes lots of repetition and patience, but I notice a huge positive impact it has on my daughter. She says please and thank you, she takes deep breaths with me when she's upset and I have taught her the word patient and she now says it in moments when I need her to give mommy a moment. We really do impact our kids so much, they are such little sponges. You can turn it around it's not too late I promise. Take little moments to take care of you too! Like I said, even if your partner isn't going to step in and help, don't do it for him do it for you and your little one! You both deserve to be happy!

If you are shouting frequently, then I DO understand where he is coming from, as it is certainly damaging to children to be shouted at frequently. However, do you ever get a break? As this often happens because you're burnt out from never getting any "me" time, therefore overstumulated. I doubt he has told you that you can't EVER be negative (my partner exaggerated this with me in an argument). I told him that he was being overly negative and difficult alot of the time, he then took that as saying he can't ever be negative, which was utter BS as I simply never said that! I do think sometimes people don't realise how negative they're being

You need a break girl! Try and make room for it this week

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