This guy is nuts. I feel like he's trying to see how much can get away with being an asshole. I'm sorry you're going thru this. This isnt normal.
I'm a HC professional and I'm not diagnosing by any stretch, but the first thing that came to mind was low mood/ depression. By what you've written he seems irritable, lack of motivation, 'doesn't care', argumentative, losing interest in things he may have once enjoyed. Does he seem more tired? Sleeping badly? Reduced eating? He definitely seems low in spirit and possibly struggling to understand and talk about his own feelings. This is a really tough situation for you and probably for him deep down. You can only offer suggestions that he gets the help.
@Beth So there are some complexities. I’ve known him for 10years. He drank daily from 17 on. When young, everyone is drinking so it was hard to see an issue…but even through marriage and having kids he had the habit of needing at least 2 40oz a night after work and more if he can get away with it. Also binging sometimes when liquor is accessible…he’s very clearly an alcoholic and he also has always had a habit of the majority of free time being a combo of drinking/gaming. He will do things aside from that if I plan it, sometimes willingly and he has a great time, sometimes it’s a fight to get him to go but he always ends up enjoying himself unless he’s in a mood. Alcohol like this just impacts things, even if he isn’t getting wasted it creates this toxic energy about him, it’s just bad, so he in January it turned into him agreeing to go to rehab. I got him into one for free, packed him up, we drove him there and he didn’t want to stay when he found out he couldn’t have his phone.
He swore he would fix it himself. I told him he needs the mental health help, and he is in counseling so he said he’ll just keep that going…he actually did stop drinking…for a few weeks…and his attitude was so much better, he was better with work, nicer…then he started having a drink or two at celebrations or the football game every other weekend or so and. Is he is trying to have a few drinks night day of the weekend and I feel like the toxic vibe is seeping back in….I don’t think his entire issue is just alcohol related though…his mom is a complete narcissist and he’s a lot like her….mimics a lot of her behaviors, general selfishness..I notice it in the little things, like I’m holding a baby and bags and struggling and he won’t offer to help me or will shut the door and I can’t open it….or one of the kids drops something and they spill it and he leaves it even if he just watched me handsrub the floor until 3am
It’s really hard to separate what’s addiction what’s recovery what’s mental health what’s bad character… He’s leaving for basic training for the army in 2 months…I’m hoping that will be the official detox, positive influence, forced respect to shift things into a better place. He hasn’t been unable to use vices that long and he has never been away from us and had to clean and eat shit food and work out…curious to see how he is after
He sounds bipolar as hell.. that would drive me crazy! Very narcissistic behavior!
I’m dealing with the same thingggggg and have been for years but I’m leaving I can’t anymore my daughter turned 3 and I want to be happy and for her to see this behavior recognized it’s not good and give me signs like Okaii we need to go mommy.
@Lyss well i think i have just realized some things about my own marriage 😞
@Tiffany same 🫠
Dealt with something similar & now I’m in the process of leaving 🥳🙌🏾. I’ve finally come to realize that this is who this man is & no matter what I said, did or didn’t do..I couldn’t change him 🤷🏽♀️. Got tired of walking on egg shells, not knowing what version I was going to get of him & being emotionally/mentally drained. Starting over is definitely hard but the mental peace I have is so worth it!