So pissed

You are totally valid in feeling that way!!! Honestly that’s insane. Not comfy bathing her because she’s a GIRL? Why? How is it different to bathing a baby boy you’re bathing a BABY? Either there’s something wrong in his head or this is fully weaponised incompetence. And for four days? I can imagine forgetting once if you’re on nights but four days isn’t excusable at all. He obviously brushed his own teeth. He didn’t think “oh yeah my child needs hers done too” while doing that?

EVERYTHING that @Francheska said! Why is he uncomfortable bathing his own child? That alone is concerning. You are right in your feelings. He was being neglectful. What else has he been slacking on I wonder.

This makes no sense. What, is he not going to bath her at all, all her childhood because she's female?! What so until she's a teenager she'll only have a bath when you're at home. Good god. He needs a good shake!

While I understand you’re upset and I totally agree with what the others have said, take a step back for a min and look at the big picture.. he took care of her so you could go on holiday. I know it’s easy to get upset initially, that would be my first gut reaction, but then I’d just appreciate I had a partner who was willing to even do his best so that you could go on vacation. If he forgot to brush her teeth for 4 days, so what? It’s only 4 days, it’s hard sometimes and maybe he didn’t have the energy without you.. 4 days isn’t going to ruin her teeth.. also, if he doesn’t feel comfortable bathing her, maybe help him become comfortable.. though that may seem odd to you, he has a right to feel that way.. maybe help him become comfortable and not get mad at him. Or remind him he could have wiped her little body down daily when she was in her diaper. Yes, these may not be what you’d prefer, but at least you have a partner there trying his best, he may just need additional encouraging.

@Keeley he wasn’t doing Incog any favours, he was looking after his own damn child! 🤦🏽‍♀️ The fact that Incog was on holiday is irrelevant. He is also her parent and don’t forget that for 4 measly days he couldn’t even parent alone and had to get backup from his mum!🤦🏽‍♀️ Also why does Incog have to make him comfortable with bathing his own child? That’s on him to figure out his own insecurities and deal with them. Why does SHE have to gently remind HIM to give her a wipe down daily? Did anyone do that for Incog? Why is the onus always on the woman to pick up the slack for men and treat them like a child themselves with this pitiful softly softly approach? Ridiculous! Honestly, the bar for men is in hell if we are expected to be oh so grateful for them in actually parenting their own children. 🤦🏽‍♀️

“Doing a favor” Watching his OWN child’s not a favour I’m so tired of people excusing men doing the LEAST when it’s basics parenting Taking the kid so you can have a break, shower, do chores, groceries, cook, is not a favour. It’s being a parent

@Francheska is 100% on point. In my opinion he is being neglectful and weaponising incompetence. He can change her dirty nappies but not give her a bath??? Speechless… PS: Looking after your daughter so you can go on a mini holiday is NOT doing you a favour; it’s him parenting. Sorry you came home to this. None of this is OK or fair on you or baby.

To be honest, my husband once told me “oh I don’t feel comfortable in cleaning our daughter’s lady bits” and then I later figure out he just didn’t feel comfortable because he didn’t know how. I showed him how to do it once and that was that, he never asked for help again and does it properly. It might just be the case that he doesn’t know how to. Show him once, if you haven’t and see how that goes. With this I am not excusing the man whatsoever, he’s the father so the child is also his responsibility. Not brushing teeth for 4 days is inexcusable

Honestly, I know my husband would also forget. I would just remind him every night to do it. Easy. Problem solved. U can't expect men to do everything by themselves. Some of them need clear instructions and constant reminders

@Nour🇵🇸 but you can except the woman to do everything by themselves? Sorry, it’s a no from me

@Beatriz yep because we care more and have that maternal instinct. If ur partner is different then you're lucky😉

@Beatriz I’ve tried to get him involved in her bath times. When she was younger he would watch how I bathed her but would only take her out of the bathroom when I was done and dry her with the towel but I’d do the bathing and the dressing up and the feeding too. Maybe it’s a culture thing as he makes reference to his brother saying he never bathed his girls either. But I keep telling him I’m married to him not his brother

@Nour🇵🇸 we care more? How does that make any sense? I mean, I get that in the first few weeks maybe couple of months the dads take some time to bond with the baby because we’re usually already bonded with them cause we grew them inside us. But, to say we care more is a bit of an overstatement, in my opinion

@Neena I came back to see her hair so matted and so dry it took me 20 mins detangling her hair. No one cared to comb or brush it just left it like that for me to come back to.

Where is he from? If you don’t mind me asking. Cause you mentioned maybe it’s a cultural thing and I got curious now 😂

@Nour🇵🇸 Does your husband have a job? Does his boss have to remind him everyday of what tasks he needs to do? I would imagine if he failed to do his daily assignments he would eventually get fired, because why does a grown ass man need his hand holding on very basic simple things? It blows my mind that you if your husband was looking after his own kids that you would be calling to remind him every night of what needs doing. 🤯 Would he also need clear instructions and reminders to wash himself and eat meals? Y’know because god forbid he actually uses his own brain. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Please ladies, we must do better for ourselves and have standards. A grown adult man does NOT need constant reminders or instructions on how to do things. It’s called weaponised incompetence for a reason. These men are not dumb. They know exactly what they’re doing and they only get away with it by women actively supporting and encouraging their buffoonery.

@Neena 👏 👏 👏!!

Incog wow that is terrible. Your poor baby! Couldn’t even be arsed to brush her hair! 🥴 Do you know if he even fed her properly? Changed her clothes or left her in pjs all day? Left her in a soiled nappy for too long? Wiped her genitals properly? I would be fuming tbh. You trusted him to be able to look after your child and he basically neglected her needs. Sounds like you need to have a chat with him so he understands how serious it is and how it cannot ever happen again. It also sounds like he needs to step up and parent her more often when he is home so 1) you can see what he does/doesn’t do and 2) he learns about how to care properly for his child and not be a neglectful twat.

Oh wow, u just wrote an essay assuming my husband is an incompetent dad because i said I'd need to remind him of that 1 thing!!😂 u have to chill. There are too many negative vibes in here Peace out ✌️

@ incognito : I really feel for you! I’m so sorry your little girl was left like that! He neglected her basic needs. I would be SO angry. I’m sure he managed to wash himself and brush his hair and teeth too. You shouldn’t be the only person doing basic things for your child. It takes two to make a baby - that kid is also his responsibility!

@Nour🇵🇸 your words were: “U can't expect men to do everything by themselves. Some of them need clear instructions and constant reminders” but the thing here is you shouldn’t have to remind them constantly of such basic things like hygiene. Forgetting about it once, I can understand, I also forget things. Also, yes you can expect men to do things by themselves. Why does having a penis gives them immunity to some things? A child is 50/50 responsibility, it’s not just moms need to do everything by themselves and that’s it

I don’t know how work affects your daily life between the two of you, but when you have evenings/ mornings together.. do you not do the bed time routine and wake up routine together? I recognise that men don’t always have the same parental instincts as females and visa versa. Myself and my partner do all of it together so if one of us is ever not there the other won’t forget what needs doing. He is the teeth brusher, I’m the washer and dresser, bath time is done together, aswell as bed time. Mornings aren’t done together very often but teeth aren’t ever missed on a morning because it’s part of a routine. I feel like doing it together totally removes the pressure and worry of you having to remind them of everything. I hope this helps ( ps, I’m ngl I’d be fuming too, ask him if he brushed his teeth in those 4 days because children require same teeth brushing as adults, if so how he managed to remember his but not his child’s when it could be done same time) x

Did he forget to brush his own teeth? If not, there is absolutely no reasonable excuse for this.

Christ. Reading through these comments, you can see which women have partners and which women have adopted a grown man. As a women, I’d be embarrassed to have such low expectations. You might aswell just ‘get back in the kitchen’. 🤦‍♀️

I just feel like when you birth the child that you both created, you are both the parent. There fore for times that are spent together you should parent together. Everyone should know how to look after the child, everyone should want to be involved in that, you wouldn’t want to miss watching the child you made grow up and that’s part of it. These moments can be made fun and entertaining for everyone. You can build core memories together doing it all as a family. I can’t understand why he’s not comfortable bathing his own child but he’s fine with his mum doing it.. I’d understand if she wasn’t his own.. but that’s not the case is it? Personally I think the way you are feeling is totally valid. You don’t want to go away again in future and spend the whole time concerned if he’s managed to remember to brush her teeth or bathed her

Just reading this annoyed me... So sorry you had to go through this. I'd be fuming. Wouldn't even feel comfortable leaving my child again until I see a difference