Babies NEEDS to learn how to self soothe

Self soothing is a skill that’s taught through co-regulation.

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/self-soothing-techniques

Babies usually fall somewhere on a spectrum between what are called "signallers" (high needs, more likely to cry) and natural "soothers" (lower needs, less likely to cry). Neither one is better or worse, but I'm convinced that if you have a high needs baby, no amount of sleep training is going to make them suddenly into a low needs baby. That's an unrealistic expectation. It might be possible to move them on the spectrum a little, idk, I always responded to my baby crying until around 13 months when it became clear she was only getting up out of habit, so I started consistently putting her in her bed after making she was comfortable / all her needs were met, and that seemed to work to get her to sleep through again like she was before.

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They will learn eventually, especially from being comforted and by example, they don’t event have a prefrontal cortex.

Why are the options all biased towards self soothing

Self soothing is not a thing for babies and has been debunked. Really all you're doing is neglecting your baby if you're allowing them to cry for long periods of time and teaching them you won't respond to their needs. What they learn is they can't rely on their caregiver and you actually end up changing their brain chemistry. They don't stop crying because they've learnt to "self soothe", they stop crying because they're in survival mode.

I’m commenting because there is no option for anyone who doesn’t do this, so this post is steering one way. I don’t agree with self soothing and our son never needed to

im sorry if this poll is confusing as English isn’t my first language what i meant by the first option is eventually they will do the night by themselves (without having to use the method of letting them cry) sorry for confusion and im on the same page as you!

I think it works outside of teething or illness

No worries!

as i said English isn’t my first language the first option is meant to be understood as they don’t need to learn it they will simply eventually do nights by themselves once they are ready sorry for the confusion

Point of clarification: it's not that self-soothing "isn't a thing," it's just not really related to sleep the way sleep consultants would have you believe. Socially we've come to think of it that way which is why I responded earlier in that context.

What it actually refers to is the ability to calm yourself without intervention. You start to see this in toddlers when they push their caregivers away when the caregiver tries to comfort them. Parents find it disconcerting, but it's actually an important developmental stage, because it's their first attempt at actually calming themselves down without parent intervention.

As far as babies falling asleep without intervention, some do, some don't. Mine mostly does and I can't speak for the parents who have babies that struggle with it.

I think it’s a good skill for them to have and learn. And it helps keep the parents sane sometimes. If you’re stressed and overwhelmed and need a break then leaving your kid to cry and have them fall asleep is great instead of having to hold them screaming the entire time and yo going crazy

I have done self soothing for a while. I put on a 15-30 minute timer. I usually only let him fuss, not cry, if he cries I’ll make sure all needs are met again and use a pacifier and restart the timer. However, sometimes I let him cry it out. I wait 15-30 minutes either way then reassess needs + pacifier. Usually works without making it to 30 minutes, but sometimes he poops or is hungrier than normal and those are usually why it didn’t work at first.

Self soothing is important, but I think there is a fine line between a baby self soothing fussing and self soothing crying. My girl still fights bed time at 3. When she was a baby fussing, I'd give her a minute, 9/10 she would stop fussing almost immediately and start to fall asleep.

I don’t think it’s controversial :) I personally just can’t do that and rather soothe her myself but there’s nothing wrong with doing what works best for your child ! Thank you for sharing xx

So I'm not against sleep training or teaching them to self sooth. I just can't listen to LG cry, especially when younger. She was contact napping and getting rocked to sleep up until 16 months then I think she got too big/uncomfortable and would go into bed, but needed to hold my hand. About a month later she didn't want that and would put herself to sleep. I definitely think it depends on the baby, some definitely need the help to learn, others do not. X

My daughter would rock her head back n forth she grew out of it

I sleep trained and I believe that babies can self soothe. However it took me 6 months of getting up multiple times to show him that mama was there if he needed until he didn’t need it anymore.

I mean non of the options, self soothing for a baby is stupid and shouldn't be an expectation. Adults cant even self soothe sometimes how can we expect a tiny bloody baby?!