Intimate issues

Absolutely do not do something in the bedroom that makes you that upset. I do think it's important to reciprocate but it needs to be done in a way that makes both of you feel good. If he's just demanding oral every single time and not negotiating then that sounds a bit narcissistic. Sex does not have to include oral for either party every single time and demanding it is just selfish. I personally also struggle with giving oral sex as it was used as a manipulation tactic in previous abusive relationships so I understand what you're going through. He needs to be willing to communicate to find ways to make it more enjoyable for you. But do not do it just to please him and get it over with. You will end up resenting him and it will only get worse.

If he knows it’s something that you don’t like he shouldn’t pressure you to do it and you shouldn’t give in either. If he can’t understand that and respect that boundary another conversation should be had, doing things that you both enjoy should be a no brainer.

I'll do oral once in a blue moon, because I don't like it and have a very strong gag reflex it's hard to do oral for me. But I like it in the sense I get to see my husband enjoying it more and he seems to have better orgasms because he is on bed so blood isn't needed as much else where. I wouldn't do it if you really don't want to, and your husband should respect that.

Is the act itself disgusting to you in all contexts or is it an issue with him? It’s not everyone’s cup of tea to go down on a guy who’s been marinating for a while… freshly showered is always best. If it’s an inherent issue with the act itself, then you still shouldn’t do it… if you do an act resentfully then a guy will pick up on that and it won’t be a good experience for either one of you. I had that issue with my husband who got into some kinky stuff that really repulsed me at that time… and it also got to the point for me where I just didn’t want to have sex anymore… it became a big issue for us… it caused a lot of resentment in both directions and eventually he just stopped asking. The thing that really turned things around for us was me consuming copious amounts of romance books and erotic literature. That turned me into the freak he always wanted….

Sex should be enjoyable for ALL parties involved!! If he knows you don't like something, such going down on him. It shouldn't be a fight. End of story. Your body is yours. No one can tell you what to do with it. Consent matters! If it is a serious issue for him, and he can't accept that you flat out dont like it. Then I hate to say it, but it might not be the relationship for you. I wish you luck in everything 🫶

I personally don’t mind doing it and I really like receiving it so I do it reciprocally if that makes sense lol but I dont think you should ever do something that you don’t want to do or that makes you uncomfortable. I’m not comfortable with using my back door and that’s non negotiable. It’s perfectly ok to say no. It seems like a pretty big issue that he is not willing to respect your boundaries or preference-obviously it’s not easy to just end a marriage but I think it would be fair to give him an ultimatum at this point and require some type of counseling for him and couples counseling.

Don’t do it if you don’t want to. But the fact you think it’s disgusting…that’s interesting… only cuz I too think it’s gross… but I’m also now a late in life lesbian… I know it’s not everyone but just figured I’d throw out my two cents just in case

You should never do anything you’re uncomfortable with during intimacy. (Trying new things is different, you should feel safe and “comfortable”) And honestly, him pushing you is borderline coercion and not okay. If you’re uncomfortable with something (no matter the reason) he shouldn’t ask you to do it. I have trauma surrounding going down on men and my husband has never pushed me/asked me because he knows this. I have gotten to the point where I’ll do it every once in a while when I’m comfortable and want to. If you’re uncomfortable to the point you’d rather not be intimate at all, that tells me it’s a strong discomfort. If you’ve told him you’re not comfortable doing it, he shouldn’t be asking.

@Julianna the act itself is disgusting to me

@Mariah I don’t like receiving oral sex . I think someone putting their tongue on my private part is disgusting.

@Payten thank you for the understanding, I have done it to him sometimes because he says he’s my husband and he enjoys it so I should do it because it’s not like I’m doing it to anyone else and if I’m only having sex with him for the rest of my life then I shouldn’t have a problem with doing it. I compromise and do it sometimes but I just don’t wanna do it every time we have sex because I don’t like doing it at all.

Have you thought about including a toy or something to give him that aspect without compromising your comfort? I find the “I’m your husband so you should just do it” mentality concerning. He should care about making you comfortable and helping you enjoy the experience just as much as you. I also feel like the less pressure there is, the more genuine it is when it happens. At least for me. I think you doing it every once in a while (or maybe trying a toy?) is a compromise, but him continuing to badger you about it isn’t. I hope you find a good middle ground together!

@Payten I told him about getting him a toy and he says no

Oh that’s interesting he understands the word no when it comes to his likes and dislikes…👀

Then I feel like he needs to get over it and stop asking. If he’s not willing to do/try something new (that he’s probably uncomfortable with) then he doesn’t get a middle ground. YOU are not solely responsible for changing and stepping out of the box.

In response to not liking oral sex- that’s totally ok and valid! You don’t have to like it, again, you don’t have to like anything you don’t like or do anything you don’t want to. I will say though, if you just closed your eyes and didn’t think about the fact it was someone’s tongue AND they knew what they were doing correctly, the orgasm you have might give you a change of heart lol I cum almost every time with oral sex but penetration is like 60% of the time.