No village moms

I just feel lonely not angry about it. There's nothing you can do to forge relationships with people who just don't connect with you on mutual subjects and beliefs. Just go with the flow.... it'll be okay.

I don’t have a village either, my son is only 11 months and I do want another but I struggle with realizing I will never have the time to have my own hobbies or fulfill my own passions again. Just last night I was scrolling IG and see a younger girl from my highschool who just had a baby still partying, drinking and going on vacations (assuming her mom takes care of her baby?) and wondering why some moms whole lives don’t shift when having kids. I understand how you’re feeling and it’s hard shifting our entire lives to be geared towards our kids.

We are no /super limited contact with my in laws. So my kids won't have those grandparents unless they turn around and be good people.... My parents love and respect us but are having their own midlife crisis rn so I haven't announced baby#2 to them yet. I'm really just close with 1 aunt and uncle and a couple cousins. The aunt I was closest to died last year May 1st 2024 😭

My husband and I don’t have a village either, it’s literally just us. We are no contact/ low contact with his family and my family thats another story. I struggle with it most days also for the fact that my daughter won’t have active grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles things like that. I just wanted her to grow up with a family system that I didn’t have growing up, but she won’t have they either it seems. It’s tough.

Are you able to venture out and find some mommy meet ups in your area? Church groups have helped me find community. It takes time for me to trust peeps with my kids but I at least have a few mommy friends I can relate to. It’s work to put in, but if you really want friends and extended family, it’s worth it. And get therapy! It helps me A LOT.

@Alina yes same with us, my parents are supportive but busy with their own lives and the “in-laws” are disrespectful and if we didn’t rent from a house their business owns, they would have no interaction with my son. Congrats on your second🥹

I second with seeing a therapist, recently I started again but she doesn’t have kids. So I recommend finding someone specialized in postpartum, or who has kids of their own!!!

@Brenna awww thank you so much!! Gosh I'm so sorry you've also dealth with awful in laws. Mine sent a hate letter when i was 2 weeks post partum...calling us narcissists and much more because I held a boundary (to wait to be invited). So much more hate was revealed it made me so sick and disturbed me bc they lied about who they were for 7 years. Honestly didn't expect to see a post that I'd relate to so much. I feel like pouring my heart out. I've just been crying here and there about feeling like there is no one. That the people I love aren't the type to reach out so it feels like I'm the one trying. Only 1 set of grandparents and they are now off the rockers rn ugh so horrible.

I need to know also. I have 3 sisters and a lot of extended family and have no village. I'm bitter and hate it. I love my kids and being w them but hate that any kind of effort made seems to only be for clout. I feel like I have no one and am alone.

It was very disappointing to see the same support and village my Mom had with me and my brother was nonexistent when I had my children. Then I realized my family dynamic very different when I was a kid. Also looking back I realize I may have pushed a lot of support away by being very neurotic and anxious when my children were very small with those closet to me. I had my very valid reasons, but can see it may have set a tone. I cope now by hiring trusted help. Is it preferable to an organic village? No, but it helps us meet the goal of getting time to ourselves to recharge and connect. We made sure our babysitter was someone we trusted and knew with experience, and preplanned weeks in advance when we were doing it more regularly. This allowed us to set aside money for it and gave us something to look forward to on those more stressful days. This route proved to be worth its weight in gold because it also eased the pressure I was mentally putting on the people I cared about.

You will get adult moments alone again! It will take longer than for some people and definitely longer than you'd like, but it will happen for you. Try to find a gym with childcare so you can have a moment without the kids, even if you just take a long shower or have an iced coffee. If you have mom friends, suggest splitting the cost of a babysitter so you can go out together and just be grown-ups. Put the kids in a class where parents watch but don't participate, or try preschool a few days or half days a week for your youngest. Take a vacation to a place with a kid's program. Ironically, when you get some time without the kids, you'll probably miss them. There are lots of different ways to spend time with your kids. Think about how you can spend your time with them differently so you're getting more of what you need and spending less time thinking about what you're not. It's not easy. Good luck, Mama. 🍀

Same here no village around to help us , just me and my husband. I have started to accept that this is it. We got to accept it and move along with it. My little one is 19 months old now . Since birth me and my husband was alone to take care of my son. And it’s true you get angry , irritable because we are 24 hour with little one and it’s so tiring . But you are doing great mumma.

I’m not angry or bitter. I’ve accepted this is my life. I just enjoy life with my mini now

Yeah I get annoyed. Why are my family so shit lol even my in-laws, we cant rely on them either. I just find comfort in the fact ive got my husband. We can do it together. Its not easy though, and there are times I just want to scream and cry lol

You are not alone ❤️

@Nikki SAME. I just have the wish to be able to call a grandparent and easily take a few hours to myself. I could with mine but they'll cancel same day

@Alina ugh would be lovely lol. I want to go gym once ive had my second but I cant ask my in-laws because im sure someone would say something like oh why you leaving your kids with our mum just so you can workout etc etc. 🙄 means when my husband goes back tk work i have to go at 5am lololol

@Nikki oh yeah like you don't wanna play around with people who are transational and dont really care about you or your children!