resent husband after pregnancy loss

i very recently had an ectopic pregnancy and had surgery it all happened very quickly. my husband lives abroad and this happened while visiting my family in london. i found out i was pregnant just after i had arrived and 3 weeks later i found out that i mist have surgery because my fallopian tube was about to burst- any how my husband says to me before being discharged from the hospital ‘ make sure you don’t go out ( meaning going out for fun) and get some rest . 1 - i need help peeing let alone going out for ‘fun’ 2- i’m not in the mood to be going out as i have literally just taken out OUR baby and my fallopian tube. anyway a week has passed i cry myself to sleep EVERY NIGHT just thinking about the baby i should have had growing inside of me - i have no appetite for food just not in the mood to get out of bed or shower or do the simplest tasks. my mum gave me a shower yesterday because i’m so low i dont feel like doing anything.. my husband on the other hand went out with his ‘boys’ and just had a good time. he ordered ice cream and snacks. i dont expect him not to eat but WTF. he’s sleeping fine, he isnt in the slightest upset that WE LOST A BABY or his wife had a major surgery or that his wife is heart broken and devastated and literally depressed. I’m resenting him. i feel like i HATE HIM RIGHT NOW. my mum has been helping me out with my daughter shes helping me pee and walk and eat, and my husband is casually enjoying time with his boys. WTF is wrong with men. even though i’m not next to him or whatever atleast show a bit of emotion or atleast appreciate what i have gone through. i feel like i don’t even wanna talk to him so he doesnt get on my nerves. i told him im upset he said ‘ you’ll move on ‘ 😕😕😕😕

Show your support

1) your emotions are completely valid. they are significantly heightened, but they’re valid nonetheless and you grieve and process and feel however you need to. 2) this baby was inside of you, not him. the baby lasted 3 weeks, that is not enough time for him to process the fact you were pregnant let alone the fact you’ve lost the pregnancy. yes he should be more supportive, but the experience would obviously be more traumatic on you than it would on him because it isn’t his body and, again, mentally there’s been not enough process time for any of this for him to be effected. i’ve heard of men struggling to bond or feel anything for the baby until the baby is physically here too, that’s not uncommon at all, or they don’t start feeling a connection until there’s a physical bump where he can feel baby etc. i feel like you’re very angry, and you’re allowed to be, but i want you to also see that your husband isn’t doing anything wrong either (aside from lack of support).

your husband does, however, need to be a bit more supportive after you’ve just undergone a traumatic surgery/experience and you’re obviously grieving. have you sat down with him at all to talk about your feelings letting him know exactly what is going on inside your head? as he may not be aware. men can be a little clueless at times, and if he isn’t feeling effected then he may not see why you are, and may need that explaining to him. communication is key to relationships, so please try and communicate your feelings with him. there’s nothing “wrong with men” i hate that phrase, but men and women are biologically wired differently. he’s not purposely being emotionless over this baby and there are several scientific factors to back up the fact that he would not have necessary felt anything for this baby like you would have xx

So sorry for what you're going through and your loss ❤️❤️❤️

I think your husband is being rather unsupportive and I completely understand your feelings. He’s not your housemate; he’s your partner for life. You two made this baby and I understand men sometimes need time to bond with the baby, he should at least see how you, his wife, is suffering. On the other hand, this might be how he’s coping which is not very thoughtful. I guess you need to control your emotions, sit down and tell him things in a non accusative way. I know for a fact if a man really loves you, he’s willing to see things your way….. All the best and you’re such a brave soul.

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